You’re right Tony. Thank you for that perspective. It could be a lot worse. I’m thankful for my good health.
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Thank you so much for this.
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Thanks for sharing your post and point of view.
Please know that I don’t think it’s ok to have one night of drinks, that I don’t feel there is no damage done, or feel just a bit guilty… I feel broken and ashamed, to name only a few of the emotions.
I’m not asking for anyone here to absolve me of any wrongdoing, to rid me of my guilt. I’m not shrugging off my own responsibility for my actions, but I know that staying in that place of a “shame storm” in my head - or trapped in a mental prison of failure - won’t help me in the long run either…
I know that there is a role for tough love. I come back to this forum because I know there are people here who have maybe relapsed, or maybe not, but who now have tools to move past these, to see beyond the urges. Their words are helpful and supportive and I don’t think I would even be where I am today without these.
I hope it doesn’t sound like I’m trying to argue with you. I am working to build my willpower. One day at a time…
Oh - and I am welcome to private messages if anyone does need to call me out on anything!
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I just know there’s spf 50 on that dome!
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Stacking 'em up!!!
Thank you so much for sharing that. You are right - some posts don’t resonate with me, but I don’t take them personally at all. I think right now I did take that one personally, as I tend to kick myself when I’m down - but @Sidwho79 didn’t intend for that. I also don’t want to make Dalj or anyone else feel that their comments aren’t welcome!
Thank you both - happy sober days to you all,
M 
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Quick check in day 46 this is starting to get more and more surreal I can’t believe As soon as my eyes open I’m not obsessing over something that destroys me . Keep going !!! Much love everyone
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Natalie. I’m so glad to walk this path with you! We all deserve a sober life. Relieved thatnyou deleted the message 
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Starting day 7! Starting to get a hang of this. Every day is still a challenge but I’ve made it this far, right?!
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Aaahh!!! You go sister 
Looks good!
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Day 287. COVID testing day. Someone at my workplace was possibly exposed so to be sure our office is COVID free they closed & sanitized it yesterday, everyone is getting tested today and we don’t go back to the office until Monday. So basically I get 3 days of a little vacation that’s paid and doesn’t count against my personal time off. I got my business taxes done yesterday and will finish the personal ones today so I’m glad to have that off my plate! Drinking hasn’t even crossed my mind and for that I’m thankful. I’ve been doing more AA Zoom meetings and they are helpful! Also have been able to read more on here. Big shout out to all of you for keeping going, starting over when needed, taking it one day at a time and doing your best to live the life you were born to live - free from addiction! Happy sober Thursday everyone!
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I couldn’t do it without all the help and support you give me . Love you miss sunshine x
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This? Makes my heart so happy!! 
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Thankyou my lovely friend. I’m so greatful to your love and support x
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Hello Day 16. 
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Day 747* alcohol free
Went to my first AA meeting in about a decade this morning. Only my 3rd or 4th meeting ever. I hadn’t planned to share, but I did.
I felt kind of uncomfortable there, and have actually felt pretty anxious since leaving. Not sure why. It’s not anything anyone said or did. People were super nice, which actually kind of makes me uncomfortable, ha…my reflex response to strangers being welcoming and nice is always to put my guard up and be suspicious first. I just get anxious merely by strangers wanting to talk to me, that’s been a problem a long time.
I also caught myself thinking, “I don’t need this, and I don’t need to or want to follow a program”. Like, I want to keep going, but I don’t want to follow a program or do the whole sponsor thing. I just don’t feel like that’s what I need or what I am there for. I’m not sure if that’s OK or not. I feel like I’ve already gone through a lot of the “steps” just on my own, did a lot of those things in some way just as a byproduct of my sober journey so far in trying to be a better person. If I had to try to explain why I’m there, it’s for the spirituality factor and sense of community. And the thing is, is that I don’t need to be there. A drink is the furthest thing from my mind and the truth in me is that I know what a drink fixes nothing, it just makes things exponentially worse. It honestly doesn’t cross my mind as an option. I may be a newcomer, but I am by no means new to a life without alcohol. That said, I recognize there is still a lot of pain that remains in me even being free from alcohol for so long.
Same time, I must keep an open mind and just see what happens. I’m not writing it off yet and will keep trying. Just because I haven’t had a drink in over 2 years, doesn’t mean I fucking know everything. So – open ears, open mind. There was a lot of great things said, so that was helpful. But my anxiety has felt so high since I left! Strange.
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That all sounds very understandable to me. Be kind to yourself. Don’t overthink things. Anxiety is only a product of your thoughts and only you have control of your thoughts. Change your thoughts by replacing negative with something of gratitude. Easier said than done, I know. I need to follow my own advice. I struggle, too, so clearly no judgement. I am considering attending a meeting. I have been looking online and it appears there are now some in-person options. Too bad we couldn’t go together and encourage each other! 
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Could not be better said. My home group was very supportive last night. I really appreciate you, @M-be-free49. It was a fairly minor slip on my part, but still a slip. COVID is kinda kicking back up here in Kansas. I need to not be so stressed out.
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On day 18 and life his so much better. Keeping busy and enjoying my new motivation for my artistic side and to just do all the projects I always blew off because I was drinking. I.will be driving again soon too. Haven’t been behind the wheel in 5 years. Looking forward to it so much. I have missed my independence more than I could have ever imagined. It was something I always had since I was 16. Depending on other people sucked. I will never drink and drive again. Period.
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