Glad to see you came out fine out of that one. Stories like yours are super inspiring. 
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Back to double digits
@jjcarson92 So what is the plan moving forward? Are u going to start some kind of therapy? I feel u have had a realisation about urself u should pay attention to.
Some fleeting thoughts of drinking, just because I am on a train. Focusing on going to library when I get back to get more books.
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284 Days. I got my days all mixed up. I didnât have my DUI class today. It starts tomorrow. I thought today was the 30th. Covid isolation is causing my days to mesh together. I had to jump on work late this morning and turn my out of office message off. I felt like an idiot. So now Iâm off Tues and Wed to do this class. I ended up working late to try and get ahead which then caused problems with my husband and daughter. They both had attitudes and gave me a hard time the rest of the night. It wasnât like I was out having a good time nor did I ask them to help me. I was just sitting quietly doing my work. My husband finally went to bed and my daughter was all dramatic saying I didnât love her and work was more important. She carried on for 3 hours. I was getting so aggravated and on the verge of exploding. I finally sent her to her room. Now I have a little peace and quiet before bed. Being sober has allowed me a lot more patience but thereâs only so much I can take. Happy to be ending this day sober.
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Day 603. Today was not an easy day, but it was a good one. I faced a lot of anxiety from several different sources, but of my own volition. The basic idea is that of Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP) therapy â not just practicing exposure to my fears (as in regular exposure therapy), but training my mind and body to choose a non-escape response to the fear every time, not just when the fear is low. It was rough, and tiring, but like a physical workout, it left me feeling accomplished and also hopeful that the training would have a lasting effect I can continue to build on. It feels good to have applied the self-discipline necessary to push through something I didnât have to, for the sake of my long-term mental well-being. I didnât know if I actually could follow through â lack of self-discipline has been a weakness of mine in recent years, and I feel a lot of shame around it. So I got a bit of a break from that today.
Some fears I intentionally, purposefully faced today:
- Wearing a mask in public (Iâve been able to avoid public spaces rather a lot in the first half of this year)
- Taking public transit (which has, like, 5 different âsub-fearsâ to it)
- Making a phone call
- Showing up to work (volunteering, in this case)
- Tolerating a work environment (with all the feelings and thoughts that race in my head when Iâm there, without running out the door or shutting down)
- Grocery shopping
- Making a new dish for supper (I do vary my dishes to cover my nutritional bases, but introducing a new one into the repertoire is just a lot of anxiety, it usually gets put off for weeks at best while I continue to make my âsafeâ dishes)
- Allowing myself to be seen by my neighbour in certain normal everyday clothes (hard to explain, itâs OCD-like, my brain has ârulesâ about which clothes of mine are okay and not okay to be seen in by other people, regardless of how they look, itâs kinda arbitrary and totally anxiety-driven)
- Disagreeing with a friend in conversation
As you might notice, a lot of those skills are 100% necessary for a functioning adult life, so if I can make some headway with these, itâs going to make life a thousand times easier. Iâll work on different ones tomorrow.
I get discouraged sometimes and wonder why I have to have so much work ahead of me just to better tolerate so many basic life tasks and experiences, but the thought that just came to my mind is âwell hey, I donât have to poison myself to do it anymore.â Life eh?
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Yes. Thatâs the way to go 
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Good morning folks 
checking in on day 24 on this sunny warm summer day. Wishing all a great day
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Feeling discouraged
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- Here I go. Give me some strength and wisdom today. One day at a time, one foot in front of the other. Sober and clean. Love from Amsterdam.
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I just read your story on the other thread. Shocking and brutal. Am sending you hugs and encouragement!
M 
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Day 201! Today was a lot better. Supposed to meet up with some old friends tomorrow so looking forward to that 
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For me, those times happen when I am better living in the moment and less introspective. The more I chase an idea of happiness the further away it seems. I donât know if itâs that being more mindful makes me feel better, or if feeling better makes it easier to be mindful. So thatâs pretty unhelpful, ha.
I guess sometimes there will be excitement and possibilities, sometimes there wonât.
Give me the serenity⊠etc.
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I donât think I have ever met one of these 
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Youâre here and thatâs what matters! Hope you find some time for some helpful reflection at some point - but we donât have to talk about it now.
Whatâs going on with the job?
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Being a child might feel like it was an easier time, but is that actually just because we donât remember the hard parts? Our brains are very good at rose tinting the past, especially when we are feeling shit in the present.
Really there are very few things that we have to do. To survive we basically just need food and shelter. For most people that probably means some kind of job is needed. But the rest is all optional! Itâs something Iâve known before but have been reflecting on it again the last couple of months, itâs taken on more significance and meaning recently.
In practice that means I donât have to eat well all the time. I donât have to exercise every day. I donât have to make or keep social engagements if I donât want to. I donât have to fill my spare time with being productive. I donât have to know what I want. I donât have to know what my life will look like in 5 years time.
Something I do feel like I need for my sanity, is not to be trapped in a never ending cycle of misery. And for me, right now, that means taking the pressure off. No expectations, no have toâs. Letting go of all of that is quite liberating.
Something I have been reflecting on, in the quest to be a better person Iâve forgotten the most basic but important thing. One day at a time.
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Day 28 here. Check.
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Which volunteer gig are you back to?
That looks like a good list to me. And I would say we all have our own lists of things we need to do to get better at âbasicâ adult life. Everyoneâs just walking around making it all up as they go along! Not to diminish your list and what youâve worked on there - in fact I think that makes it even more impressive that youâre getting out there and doing it anyway.
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Checking in for day 3, still focused on the goals. This weekend will be a real challenge
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Youâre rocking it Paul
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Thatâs progress, proud of you
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