Morning Beth; thanks for checking 
… I’m doing better. I’m at work so at least I have something to do! It was so weird how it overcame me yesterday; just like an overwhelming sense of sadness. I think also I’m too connected to my son’s issues; I can’t do anything about it and I worry so much.
Also being alone 90% of the time isn’t helping but it is what it is for now.
I recently tried a dating site; it was pretty bad, lol… lasted a week maybe. 
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I’m glad you’re a little better today 
I feel you on the loneliness. I’ve been deadass alone this whole pandemic. My guys are now coming back in the office on a somewhat regular basis, that helps. Really glad you get to work today, that always helps!
I think the max I’ve lasted on a dating app is a week myself 
Sending love
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Day 16 
Quick check in,going to church with my son.
Cooking some steaks on the grill later.Lazy Sunday 
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Checking in on this Sunday, my 32nd day of sobriety. Working on Sundays makes me feel as if I am doing something great. As if the world owes me something. It also makes me feel as if I need to celebrate and let myself go under the booze bottle.
Well, this trigger is high on my mind. But the days of sobriety and the knowledge that day 33 is about to dawn is giving me second thoughts. So, I will finish my work, go home, jump into bed and dream about Day 33.
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- Back home. Had a long talk with my friend driving back home from Belgium. Came to the conclusion I’m depressed. Which I concluded myself some time ago but it’s good to talk it through with somebody whose opinion I value highly (and who by enlarge agrees with me and me with her).
I said to myself 15 years ago, after a year on antidepressants, that I never would take medication again but I changed my mind. I think I need something to help me break through my passiveness, anxiety, tiredness, lack of energy, lack of having fun, lack of meaningful interaction. Something needs to happen. And soon. Bad stuff will happen otherwise. So I’ll make an appointment with my GP tomorrow and take it from there.
I felt also pretty triggered to drink at the campsite last night, with rather heavy drinking friends and memories of big drinking at that place myself. Glad I didn’t. Somehow it was an interesting and overall good weekend but bloody tired now. Drained. Still need to eat and shower. Will do that now. Take care all. Sober and clean. Love from Waterloo (yesterday) and Amsterdam.
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You are resilient and strong, and more so even in your awareness of yourself and your needs. And you are such a cheerleader for the rest of us! Let us cheer you on too. Good luck with your GP.
There is the other thread, something about expectations in the title, about people finishing the first year and finding all the stuff (or lots of it) that they covered with alcohol and such was still there - almost even more pronounced because nothing is in the way now. I’m willing to bet that you will lead the way in showing those of us without the first year how to face that stuff, with your same unique brand of strength and resilience, some humour, and a lot of self compassion . Thank you for the example of you on this forum!
Enjoy your meal and have a good rest,
M 
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Well. I had 272 days and selfishly, stupidly relapsed. I drank so much that I woke up in the middle of the night, threw up on the floor (thankfully I woke up), my heart was being so fast and I was shaking so badly that I thought I had to go to the hospital. I cried myself to sleep and cursed myself for thinkinf I could drink again. Just one glass, I told myself. One glass turned into a bottle of wine - maybe more, I don’t remember. Either way, here I am again. After that, I didn’t drink for a week, and guess what I did last night? I had a half a glass of wine. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME.
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We’re all addicts here Brooke. It’s what we are. Only thing we can do is abstain from it all or it will destroy us. Good you’re here. I’m glad you’re here. Stay with us. Clean and sober. Hugs.
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Beautiful 
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End of day 186. My 2 weeks vacation started! The plans that I had got cancelled due to covid so I don’t have much going on now
Just gonna relax and ge stuff done 
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Day 229. Lots of work stress today. I snacked . But I did not drink.
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Haha, yes, I know about that. Back in my drinking days I was quite the conspiracy connoisseur 
There’s a load of really weird paintings in the airport, cryptic symbols all over the place and that devil horse statue at the entrance. Plus all the underground tunnels and stuff. I can feel myself falling down the rabbit hole already.
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297 Days. I wasn’t feeling good mentally or physically today. I had to force myself to get moving when I just wanted to stay in bed. I cleaned a little around the house then took my daughter to the pool.
I’m such an introvert and my daughter is totally opposite. I’d rather stay in my little corner of the pool and not talk to strangers. My daughter’s disabilities are quite apparent and people feel the need to talk to her. She’s very friendly and loves the attention.
This older guy starts talking to her and I can tell he’s been drinking. He’s with his wife and kids. Of course my daughter has to engage in a conversation and bring me into it. I feel my anxiety rising. He’s not keeping 6 foot distance either. I finally had enough and pretended my husband called saying dinner was ready and we had to leave. Ugh! I couldn’t get out of there fast enough. I know this person meant no harm but I’m just not ready to be social with strangers, especially when they’re drinking. Next week when we go back, I’ll be sure to sit on the opposite side of the pool.
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Day 26. Enjoying a lazy Sunday. Keeping busy. Cruising along. 
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@crystalclear hit 10 months today. I don’t see her check in yet but I don’t want to forget either.
Congratulations my dear friend!!
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Best thing I did admitting to first my family then my close friends. So liberating.
Then I would suggest you start looking at how you are going to work at being sober.
Search around on here for tool box and anything else. You’ve been here long enough to have learnt what worked for other people.
You owe it to yourself
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I know exactly what you’re saying; I had a similar thought recently about how I feel about myself now and feeling inadequate from when I was younger.
Interesting stuff.
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