- Check in number 2. The final meeting went well. The doctor said she found her cancer as early as possible. I just left her with her 3 kids so they could celebrate the good news. Surgery is on the 11th. I appreciate the kind words and prayers.
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It is. Growing up here I didn’t fully appreciate the beauty of the state. Now that I’ve been gone a few years, I can’t believe I took it for granted at times.
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Will she still have to do chemo?
I’m the same with my home province. Been gone a few years and every time I go back, I’m in awe of the beauty, nature & friendly people and realize how I took it for granted. Now I’m like a tourist in my own home town; taking photos and wandering around lol 
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Maybe. She has cancer in her family. So, she gave blood today for a genetic test. Depending on how the gendtic markers come back she may have chemo. The doctor and the genetic counselor both feel there wont be a genetic component. If they are right, no chemo.
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I hear you. My home region doesn’t have mountains (well, my country doesn’t have them either… 
) but a beautiful lake, fields, woods… I didn’t value it much while growing up but I surely miss it deeply now. I’ve lived elsewhere for 15 years.
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Checking in on on seventy eight days of sobriety today.
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Wow!! I can’t even fathom seeing that… beautiful!
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I chewed the shit out of shelled sunflower seeds when i quit
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Memories…
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I remember my son loving that, lol. You’re probably about his age.
Today has been a good day. I am looking more and more forward to my new position every day, and cannot wait for it to be official. I am excited to learn and be part of new things, now it is on to the weekend for me 
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Day 17 alcohol free. I went for a four mile walk and listened to a refuge recovery podcast. Looking forward to a clear, sober weekend. Who’s with me? 
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Day 0. … no words
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Day 196~ Something I’ve been thinking about is patience. It’s so important to have and learn. Being sober and remaining sober really will test your patience. Patience with people with yourself with your feelings. I think a lot of us can relate being addicted to our DOC and wanting instant gratification. Life simply just isn’t like that. Things are earned… worked for and to do that you need a tremendous amount of patience. It takes time. Each day I feel that fire inside getting a little hotter. The seconds, the minutes, the hours, days, and months add up. It’s hard work, dedication, and our own strength that make sober a reality. We are in charge of this journey no one else. Believe in yourself, love yourself, and of course have some patience.
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Day 2. I did something stupid. Went to bed last night, still pretty f-ing hungover, but my man stayed up. Then came to bed at 2, slept talked, got up at 4, and then again at 6 and stayed up. Not normal. He was happy go lucky with energy when I awoke around 9. It’s all in his eyes. Hes never so happy and willing to do things, like make my morning coffee or vacuum at 10am, so I was suspicious. I found the Oxy scraps in his usual spot, and a hidden plate with more powder. I got rid of it all, knowing that was a dumb idea, but I’ve repeatedly asked him to not bring that shit in my house. It feels to me that it’s been such a ‘contest’ of who can fuck up more, and it never gets better. I know 100% I did not handle this well but I dont know what else to do. I drink, and then he finds whatever drugs he can to ‘retaliate’ the situation. And it goes on and on. I’ve never been here before(before him) but I want (need) to be the bigger person. My daughter deserves that. We had a great day together, out of this house, at least. J went to sleep, once he realized what I had done(around 3 when we went to do laundry) and is still in bed (now midnight). I dont know how to get out of this cycle. Just sitting here regretting the past 4 years…
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I wish I had the right words to say, but I don’t. However if I did I think they might sound like this: do what is best for you and your daughter. If you have set boundaries with you man and he keeps breaking them then it’s time to find a way out that is safe. In addition to that stay sober. Focus on your sobriety and your daughter.
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