I know you’re hurting right now, but if it’s any consolation – there’s a whole forum of people here who see the huge good in you and love you for your big heart. You can do this. We’re here. 
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This gave me chills - the good kind, the coming-back-to-life kind.
Sometimes I find myself crying a few tears here and there that are an awkward combination of relief (to be sober), grief (at parts of my past I can’t go back and undo), and resolve (so that I don’t live in fear of my own future).
I’m glad you are not ashamed anymore, glad you are proud. To be a survivor, to not give in and give up, this is the stuff of deep pride that you can only get from yourself, you know? All that said, methinks we are all deeply proud of you too 
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You have an incredible mind. What do you do for a living?
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Day 197~ Today was busy… wicked busy. It’s ok though keeps my mind busy. Lol my mind is always nonstop but anyways 
good day today. Had a family cookout/fire and there were drinks but didn’t bother me it’s not what I do anymore. I love having those moments on this sober journey that you just think to yourself holy shit I feel so good right now. I actually feel happy… this is living. My life is blessed and I’m so thankful for second chances. 
Thank Christ I got my shit together 
Seriously the alternative was really bad.
Keep it moving people. 
This fight is hard but REALLY worth it. 
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Day 3. Something’s been going on with my head. It’s been over a week now. I know a headache is a normal part of early recovery but I’ve been feeling dizzy too and just overall foggy. Being somewhat hypochondriac I always think of the worst but realistically its probably just stress, not eating much, and definitely not drinking enough water. That’s something I really need to make a habit again. I used to be very diligent, and my bf crushes a 24 pack every 2 days. It’s like the one healthy thing he actually does. Anyways, I should start winding down bc I have an early day at work and want all the sleep I can get. Hoping that will help me heal. Goodnight everyone
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Day 60.
A good day, but hard, but good. A couple of difficult conversations were planned. One was a phone meeting with health care workers and my sister (relationships with siblings = triggertriggertrigger) re: Mom’s care. I pre-planned my coping mechanism: nothing involving a cork, but a deep tissue massage afterwards. Wayyyy better.
An interesting observation - I know it’s early days for me still, but as I get further away from the shame-causing behaviour (drinking), it makes it possible to set down the shame too, bit by bit. I think I compensated for the shame, before, in such unhealthy ways - I took on too much at work, tried not to let people down who wanted my time, or as much as I told myself I didn’t care - I cared too much what people thought of me. Now that I feel better about myself, these boundaries are all readjusting, and I like it. I’m starting to fall in love with myself again, with my life, and it feels really good.
Happy sober weekend all! Big love
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@C_8
I’ve waited so long to catch all the sixes then go and miss it.
I was awake an hour ago as well.
Ah well.
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God Laughs 
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Good stuff there. Sounds like your learning and growing with your sobriety. Congratulations on that and the SIX O
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Holy Shit 
It sounds like your really getting your act together. From my limited time on here I think your worth it and you fucken deserve it 
(just letting the Boston out folks) Way to go! You are an awesome lady.
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@Dolse71 lol we know. 
Glad to have you back.
@CapriciousCapricorn 8 months! You are doing so amazing. You are amazing. That picture is really lovely.
@MissJules 90 days no alcohol! That’s awesome!
@Jennajen “Not my scene anymore” Love it.
@anon12657779 So close, and yet so far. 
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Thanks I’m trying! God the adult kids 20 and 18 just came home drunk. This ain’t good. The hubs is pissed I’m not happy either but trying to keep things from blowing up. Just want Never a dull moment around here 
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That sucks. I remember those days. Do not envy you in that position. Too bad you can’t just beat the hell out of them and they’ll never do it again. 
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Day 41
My water heater is still down so another cold shower waits for me tonight. 
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Checking in 1 m 3 d
I want to react to all of you but i still find it difficilt to pit my dutch thoughts to english responds😩
But reading a lot improves my english 
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Ok. Seriously. I had 2 kids, (beautiful grown up adults now) lots of therapy, 5 rehabs between them. Making drug deals on the plane coming home from rehab Numerous fender benders and a couple of major wrecks. I got nothin …
Besides the ol “You didn’t cause it. You can’t control it. You can’t cure it.” It’s true. One thing you can do though is take care of yourself. I don’t know if you go to AA meetings or not. Don’t matter. I finally, at the end of my rope, went to Al Anon meetings. Wish I went sooner. I just couldn’t take it anymore. Wifey and one of the kids having a big fight and I just said I’m not playing. Told them I’m outta here and going to an Al Anon meeting. My first one. You should have seen their faces. Both of them I was so scared and embarrassed and of course pissed off. Wifey loves to butt heads. Not my style. Going to that al Anon meeting saved my life. It took me 2 or 3 times to find one I could really relate too. But God finally sent me to one that was for parents of teenagers with alcohol and drug issues. Something like that. You got to take care of yourself. You’ve worked too fucking hard not too.
And I learned one other thing. The only thing I can control is my finances. That’s it. Nothing else. And we had a rule. No drinking or drugs in my house. I had to kick them out twice at different times. Hardest thing I ever did in my life. Well almost. At that time it was. My house my rules. You got to follow through.
I don’t know what stage your in with your kids and partying. But I’m all ears ( or I guess 
in this case) if you ever need it.
Maybe way back then if we didn’t make a big deal about the drinking, maybe, just maybe, the hard drugs wouldn’t have happened. I doubt it, but you never know.
Praying for your peace.
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I herd ya loud and clear on that one. Few spelling mistakes but you definitely got your point across. Keep trying. Your good 
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Thank you ya it’s tough. This was the first time
I’ve seen them like that. Their dad is super strict too so I’m surprised they did it to be honest. I made sure their in bed safe but tomorrow there will be some ground rules reinforced… can’t have this becoming a new thing.
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Day 16 ! After my emotions was everywhere yesterday I got home from work and called a great friend from my fellowship… she has such a powerful message of recovery and directed my thinking straight away… so I sat in pain all day yesterday for her to tell me to use my programme and prayers! It bloody works ! She’s gonna take me back through my steps bless her I’m so greatful i picked the phone up to her yesterday this could be a positive change in my life … I’m working again today but gonna try and catch u lovely people on zoom tonight. Have a blessed day x x x x
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So tomorrow I’ll have 400 days of sobriety. My sponsor tells me not bad for a " should be dead". I do my step work, I talk to other alcoholics in my home group everyday, I go to 5 meetings a week the other two days I have to work nights, I try to be involved in AA as much as I possibly can meaning I try to build my life around AA. All pretty simple things to do to save my life. Sometimes my alcoholic mind tries to talk me out of doing these simple things but I remember that what I suffer from is centered in my thinking and left untreated someone like me can easily go back to drugs and alcohol. I want to live though and be useful and have a purpose even if it’s just helping another alcoholic/drug addict reach 400 days of sobriety. That would worth more then anything external.
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