Checking in sober and cigarette free 
still in the early days but already feeling a bit better and trying to stay focused on the present. Getting back to my exercise routine tonight which I know will help my anxiety. Still have a constant gnawing worry about work and having to sort through difficult interpersonal relationships there as well as do public speaking… which I loath! Worrying about my mother and her nuerological issues as well… she refuses to see someone about it so its tough. Worrying can be so friggin debilitating and exhausting. I have a lot to be thankful for, so I am shifting my focus to that as much as possible. Sending positive vibes your way 
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@anon60334405 Time alone is a big challenge, but u can do it! Is there a project u could start to help use some time?
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You don’t know how much I needed that meme today!!! 
Thank you
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@Peace The meme really spoke to me, too. I’m so tired today from lying awake fretting about something I have no control over.
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1m 6d
Back at work f2f, enjoying being out and about after last semester being online. So far the train home is not really triggering me, but waiting for when we get further into the semester and I start feeling tired and wanting a “break”. Yesterday was my day off and did lots of things for myself. Trying to keep a balance.
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Seems I’ve decided not to sleep tonight, it’s 12:30am (edit) and there is an episode of Buffy on 
used to watch it years ago.
If I was drinking I’d have no interest in any tv show, movie etc. just had the tv on for background noise or so I could concentrate on what people were saying rather than my own mind so I’d fall asleep.
Working from home tomorrow so at least a bit if a lie in 
Stay strong 
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363 Days. I’m so unbalanced lately. My mood is all over the place and stress is high. I have zero patience and feel like I’m gonna explode. I don’t know if I wanna scream or cry, maybe both. I’m not having any urges or cravings, I just don’t feel like myself and I can’t put my finger on it. There’s always shit going on in my life and normally I just deal with it. I read a lot about how milestones can affect people but I never experienced it until now. I sure hope this passes quickly.
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I hope you find peace soon, even in small moments within the chaos. I’ll be sending you big positive vibes. You offer so much support and light here and it’s a privilege to try and offer it back to you.
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Well, it’s 98 days of sobriety, acceptable behaviour and an attempt at exemplary character. Now I am here to maintain my focus for my 99th day of sobriety and to live a glorious and free day.
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Sending you a hug 
let it out! I did yesterday it felt good.
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Hugs @Lisa07
I can remember reading here that quite a few folks struggle at their anniversaries.
@anon12657779 Didn’t you struggle a bit around the year matk?
I do hope it passes soon!! 
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That’s a lot to handle Kevin. I’m so sorry you’re having to go through all this with both parents at the same time. My heart goes out to you. Keeping you and your family in my thoughts and prayers. Stay strong. Sending you big hugs.
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Man that really sucks. I’m so sorry they are both so sick and at the same time. I’ll keep you and your family in my thoughts and prayers. I hope sharing it help tons. And getting through this sober is the only way to do it. It’s great that you know that.
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Sorry to hear this… that is a lot. I’m sending you strength. 
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Time to cut that out of your life. Good luck with that. I know you’ll make the right decision.
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Wow dude. That’s a LOT! You’re a great son to step in and help where you can. I’m so sorry you and your family are going through this. I’m so glad you are sober to go through it with them and be a support. Stay strong. Stay sober. 
We’re here for you.
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Day 79.
Tired from working late last night, but was able to get through a longgg zoom meeting all day and stay focused. Even only 3 months ago I would now be into my liquid “reward”, but tonight it is bath and bed and unchecked snoring. 
Also today some of the hard stuff: in the middle of my meeting as I am talking, I get a text from a sibling with a picture of my 82 year old Mom with bruises on her face. She had a fall in her seniors residence. It looks terrible, but I had to keep on with my meeting. (I’m grumbling here, but I would have liked a warning before the picture just shows up). I spoke with Mom tonight, and she didn’t bring it up at all - likely due to her dementia. Recently, and tonight, she tells me things about her day that are so vastly inaccurate, but it’s time for me to adapt my answers and validate her reality, no matter how far from reality it is. This is kind but hard. Even only 3 months ago I would now be numbing the pain of more loss in her capacity.
I give my head a shake. I need no reward! I have a job, one I (mostly) like, and don’t need a reward for making it through a day. And I need not numb! The only reason it feels so hard to see Mom decline is because i was one of the lucky ones with my folks. These things are a call for tears and deep gratitude 
, and not a run to the liquor store.
A hard day for lots of people on here…
@anon86726034 sending you strength, and also time and space when you need to just get some rest or take a breath…
@Lisa07 you will find your mojo again, find your way back to you, and I send my best that it happens soon…
G’night all. Thanks for sharing your days and stories.
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Glad to hear your mom is ok after the fall M.
My siblings pulled that same shit twice. A pic of my mom and brother in law laying in the hospital, hooked up to machines and looking their worst. No warning at all, just a pic in the middle of my work day and I couldn’t hold back the huge gasp. Why don’t they think before sending?
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