32 days is getting better and better every day. I know the stress will never end but I’ll manage it better👍
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Well put, Scott. The two things I’ve always believed are inherent to active addiction – selfishness, and lying. The folks in my home group are very heavy on enriching our lives through service to others. Lots of what I am reading by the Dalai Lama also stresses the importance of this.
Also, wanted to say how glad it makes me to see you being with someone that you share such love with, and that you are able to accept, grow, and participate in that love as the result of your sobriety.
Well done.
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Day 372
I’m just putting it out there that I am struggling today. I am super anxious because of a situation with my youngest (15yo) daughter. I’m trying to camp out in the serenity prayer today but this has been going on all week and the anxiety just keeps rising and rising. In the past I would have turned to alcohol to ease the anxiety and escape the stress. That’s not an option. But I’m miserable. My stomach is a wreck. I just want to escape and I can’t. I’m trying to tell myself ALL THE THINGS I tell others when they are struggling. It’s exhausting to fight this constant feeling of despair. I can’t rescue her and I can’t fix it. I’ve said the serenity prayer a dozen times today while trying to get my work done. I also recognize that not talking about it will continue to give it power. So I’m putting it out there now that I am on the struggle bus. I want to get off. I will be calling my sponsor after work and will probably try to go to a meeting tonight. I don’t know what else to do.
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Glad to see you back around Charlie 
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Awesome work Conor!
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So proud of you! You’ve fought for those 400 days and you should be very proud of yourself.
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@crystalclear I’m so sorry. I can feel the pain and fear in your words 
My heart goes out to you and your daughter.
What can we do? 
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Aw, hang in there! The struggle bus always arrives at the depot, some rides are just long and bumpy to get there. You’re doing all the right things to disarm the anxiety, by talking about it, serenity-praying, calling your sponsor, and you know that a drink won’t help - it’s just a big long yucky ride.
We’re with you on the bus! Keep reaching out.
Sending you strength, some peace, and a calm place inside you where this stuff just can’t reach… 
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Thank you @C_8 so very much. Just listening helps. Knowing I’m not battling alone helps. I just feel so helpless for her and it scares me. And I don’t want to get to a really dark place where I make decisions I will regret. Just calling out the crazy so the crazy doesn’t take over.
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This is so very true. We’ve been on this bus with my daughter for a few years now. Long, bumpy ride. I’m weary. Thank you for the encouragement. It really does help to know I’m not alone out here.
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I was there…a month ago around day 535. It happens to the best of us. My boyfriend went on a camping trip with his friends for two nights. I hadn’t been alone since I’d been sober. Make a game plan I can’t stress that enough. Know what you’re going to every night , every morning. Plan your workouts in, see your girls, get on the zoom call on here…don’t let your mind wander. Honestly though, once I had the time to myself I got less stressed out. For me it was more fear out of not knowing what I’m capable of doing-I’m scared of being alone with my thoughts. Once you’re there, it is easier. Stay focused, we are all behind you
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I beg to differ… …but ONLY if we’re talking about an afternoon cup of coffee! 
Thanks for the encouragement. Grinding up some beans now. Yum.
And enjoy your mini-vacation! If it’s too weird for you to send us pics of your freshly painted bathroom, then send us some from your bike rides! 
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Congratulations to 150 days. You Rock Girl!
If that’s the future I don’t want to be there, I’ll take the housemaid robot but I wouldn’t want it to keep me away from eating. I like being like Shaggy in Scooby-Doo 
it might be five brownies, it might be a whole pizza, as long as it’s delicious it doesn’t matter.
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So sorry your on the struggle bus. Those teenagers do put us through the ringer. We try so hard to protect them but still let them be. Sounds like your using all your tools. The hardest thing to learn is you can’t fix teenagers. Praying God “gives you the wisdom to know the difference”
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- Part 2. My nephew is Officialy a Marine today. I am proud of him, he is now best of the best. I broke down in tears tho. This was a life I didnt want for him. I fear that he will be like me, and that terrifies me. He is his own man, prayers he is stronger than I am.
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I don’t know…150 days sobriety kinda warrants a few brownies. I can see me doing that. Great job on the 150 days.!!! Try not to be too hard on yourself. And maybe put the brownies out!
And ya. I like the Jetsons thing. 
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So the berating from this chick went next level today. I literally cannot even believe what I went through with her today. I’m still shell shocked. This woman is out of her damn mind. I got a bunch of horribly mean, and talking cruel emails. I responded shot and sweet, then she decided to call because, you know, can’t tell “tone” in emails. Mhmmmmm. I’m, it was the words, not the tone.
Two of my guys were in the office today and we were all just about to go to lunch to celebrate Jeff’s closing yesterday. Then she calls, they can hear her craziness through the earpiece on my phone. It was just un-freaking-believable. She keeps accusing me of trying to steal her lease, and I tried saying “I honestly don’t understand where you’re getting that from” she starts yelling at me to not talk over her, so now I have to listen to her flapping her crazy ass gums about some made-up bullshit in her batshit mind. So, for 9 full ass minutes, I listen to her annihilate my character to the core. The most insulting and disrespectful shit I have ever heard. I said nothing. Why bother. At the very end, she says she doesn’t want it to be awkward between us now. Ummmm, too late. I there very end I just said I don’t have anything to say as she doesn’t want to hear or believe anything I would have to say, which of course pissed her off. I don’t even want to repeat what she was saying.
So, I hang up the phone, and I turn around and the guys jaws are on the floor. They are super loyal and protective. They were astonished. They hugged me and told me they loved me. We are all actually concerned about her mental health. They said “does she drink”? Lol. My mom said the same thing. I’ll admit, I fucking cried. I don’t think I’ve ever cried at work before. This has been going on for three days. One can take so much verbal abuse in a week lol.
Today was the first time in this stretch of sobriety that I really wanted to drink. The urge was so strong, but fleeting, thank god. I talked to my mom about it and now I’m sharing here. My mom was terrified. I think she’s ok now. My last bender was almost it for me, that poor woman having to be scared of me drinking myself to death all the time. Anyway, I’m good now, but there is this painful darkness over me that I can’t explain. This was out of no why yes they way. We always get along great. I think Jeff’s closing set her off? I don’t know. Don’t care. Keeping my distance. Glad I have therapy tomorrow.
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Beth, you handled that psycho bitch perfectly. Not allowing yourself to get sucked into her trash talk speaks volumes. You came out on top even though it didn’t feel that way at the time. What a blessing to have the guys there to hear it first hand and comfort you. Staying sober at the end of that shows how far you’ve come. When you say something clicked this time around in sobriety, you’re not kidding. #winning
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Checking in sober and cigarette free 
trucking through the work week. Looking forward to putting some fall decorations out this weekend and planning to make some chili. I love fall 
Trying to be kind to myself and be mindful of my judgemental inner monologue. Thankful for this forum and for everyone here. @anon86726034 thoughts and prayers to you and your family 
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Cristel, Ugh!! Those teenage years are dreadful. Good for you for coming here to open up. Also, it shows the newcomers that life isn’t going to be easy and sometimes we have to fight with everything we got. We’re alll here for you. You know where to find me if you need to talk.
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