Thank you 
I also love Penguins, aren’t they awesome? … I chose the Penguin as a screenname because I felt like this small creature waddling into the new path of sobriety 
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Thank you for the encouragement! Now that I don’t use alcohol as a way of dealing with all the emotions I bottled up inside anymore, I’m trying to find words for them. It’s great to have all of you to talk to 
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I’m on day 48…
Free of narcotics
Free of weed
Free of booze
Free of nicotine (I do vape but 0% nicotine, more a habit of needing something to smoke I will quit this too at some point!)
Free of self harm
Free of suicidal thoughts
Free of self destruction.
I’ve gained so much and for that I’m happy, the smile on my face isn’t a fake smile its a true smile, waking up everyday is a blessing that I abused and I’m forever sorry for not seeing it sooner!
You can do this!
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63.03 Days
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Hey @Tommo! Congrats on 14 days! It’s a huge step to talk to your loved ones it seems … I just started to admit to my self that I have a problem with alcohol. I haven’t even said it out loud, much less all the darkness and trouble I carry inside. I don’t even have words for it yet, so it will take time for it to come out. I really feel you on that - I suppressed my feelings for many years and used alcohol as a coping mechanism. There is much to learn! Let’s just take it step by step - isn’t sobriety supposed to be a journey? You’re doing good and I’m rooting for you! 
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Actually I live abroad and don’t speak the language at the level on which I could have deeper conversations. I have been to an AA meeting, but it wasn’t too helpful because of the language barrier. I try to meet people, but it always founder on this shallow level. I can reach out in emergency, but I miss everyday contact, when you can just vent and you’re listened.
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Great job on the 14 days 
milestones are great and everything but still try and concentrate on today. Even if you aren’t in to aa or things like that some of their words are very wise. Before long the milestones will come and go just keeping it within today.
Don’t get me wrong, it isn’t easy but great to get to a point where your feeling better.
Great to see people checking in, it really is
My sleep saga took a turn for the better last night, sleep at 11, woke twice (once to pee at 6:30, turned 40 this year so I’m now old (joke :)). Back to sleep until 8:30.
I am taking nurofen plus for my stupid finger and there is codeine in that so that could be the reason. Only take them when I’m in severe pain (and prescription ones), don’t need a codeine addiction on top of being an alcoholic lol.
Hope everyone is doing great and even if you are just ‘okay’, well it’s better than the alternative
More rambling on from me, probably should just write a book!!
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I am in a similar situation, I have been to some online meetings. It is not quite the same, but listening to others with similar issues is comforting. About meeting people, could u try joining a class? Or a language exchange?
You mean language class? I have been to one for 3 months, but it wasn’t for me. I can understand quite much and also can communicate at an upper basic level, it’s just not enough for making friends or speaking about my deep emotions at AA. I’m quite introverted, so it’s not easy to make friends using my mother tongue either. Do you live abroad too?
I go to a few online aa meetings a week but not as many, not finding them as beneficial as I did the in person ones. Although it’s still good listening to other alcoholics and does give you some ‘grounding’ if you like. I check in here more than I go to an aa meeting lol
Yes, in Japan. I express feelings about the struggle for sobriety online in English, and have a irl social life in Japanese. It would be nice to have a irl sobriety pal, but not gonna happen.
My main problem is not the drinking, I mean it’s a huge problem of course, but it’s a symptom of my other troubles in life.
I miss irl friends to hang out with and to talk with about deeper stuff eventually.
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Hey Danni. Yeah thanks am on my best high score yet. Day 98 today clean from Meth and feeling pretty good
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I do hear u. It is hard to make friends abroad. I still have good aquaintences rather than friends. It is hard to get past the “you can use chopsticks, amazing!” “can you eat x?” level. My Japanese is high intermediate or low advanced, but still it can be an effort to communicate on advanced topics. But I wonder how much is romantising past friendships. I did plenty of deep navel-gazing in my twenties. As a busy mum maybe it is normal to have a quick chat about the kids and then that’s it.
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Today is day 8 meth free. I went back to work yesterday, where it all started. I was using with 2 of my coworkers. I was nervous because 1 of them (the one who was getting it for me) was supposed to be there, but she ended up in a psych hospital. 
. I’m worried about her but I was also selfishly relieved.
I think the Provigil my psychiatrist put me on is working out ok, but I still really miss the appetite suppression of the Adderall. Right now I think the only thing that would make me use again is this constant insatiable hunger and the weight gain. As a former anorexic, it’s really doing a number on me mentally.
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Day 11.TGIF🙏🏻!!
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Day 11: Sleep lately has been of high quality (best since I can remember) but I keep waking up before dawn and am wide the eff awake! What is this new voodoo?!? Not sure what to make of it. I do enjoy seeing the sunrise, I’ll admit. This week I’ve felt a routine start to develop organically with some intention built in, too, and I’m feeling good about it so far. Took a day off of working out due to being massively sore! Awful headaches from neck and shoulder tension…I think I’ll feel worse before I feel better in the short run. Feeling a resolve building to continue being sober. As usual, I’m focused on today and nope, not going to drink today.
@Dragonflygirl82 Lady, you know I can relate to what you’re going through with Moose, and I’m sending you giant hugs. I appreciate you sharing so openly - I feel less alone in my grief here with Chucho deteriorating. I love your selfie attempt, it is intimate and precious. My new profile pic is from when I went to get in the hammock and he followed me and plopped down in front of me before I could stretch out like he was saying, “where do you think you’re going, Mami?” I need some love!” We sat like that (he loves hugs) for the longest time before he laid down in the shady grass under the hammock to snooze. Get all those puppy kisses. I’ll be holding space for you and your family in my heart.
The vet called to check on him yesterday and I shared the resting breath rates we have been collecting for the past few weeks. He is stable but his heart is working really hard and it is not sustainable. We are still left with no idea of how long he will last. So, we continue one day at a time. Chuch and I taking each day as it comes. I’m grateful for each day.
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Good morning fellow life lovers. Tonight at 10.pm will mark three weeks sober. I will also be launching my 4th weekend without alcohol despite more houseguests. Thinking back on how anxious and deprived I felt those 1st and 2nd weekends is both enlightening and embarrassing. Did I really believe that liquid poison was all that great? Instead, having enjoyed yet another wonderful sleep, I get to joyfully embrace the day! Tonight, we’ll sit around with drinks - tonic water with orange, lemon and a maraschino cherry for me - dinner, hot chocolate by the fire with fresh popped popcorn and another great sleep. The scales have been removed from my eyes. I see the beauty of sobriety. And I could not have gotten this far without you fantastic inspirations. Thank you.
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I live nearby, but in my family you don’t skip or miss family gatherings if you don’t want a huge little gipsy drama on your own,and being crossed over in the testaments… Well at least something like that. I totally get your point, but unfortunately it’s not that easy.
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