Thanks beautiful friend 
I’ll tell you, the farther away the heart attack gets, the less the fear. I need to hold onto that fear. I feel indestructible. Just the fact that I’m alive makes me a little cocky that way. You know all the shit I’ve been through, yet here I am lol. Today was better, BUT I avoided food altogether fir the most part. This shit is hard. Thank you fir always supporting me xo
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We do indeed talk about it, but it’s treated as a symptom of my childhood trauma and OCD, so we focus on that. 
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I geuss I feel like I’m not doing my best. I am, but I still could do better. I can’t stand living in this house, I don’t feel like I’m providing well enough for my girls and it all stresses me out, I don’t feel like I’m teaching them enough. I feel like I’m being to damn selfish, and not doing enough of what they want. I expected to have all this money. And be out on my own, and truth is, I can’t. I can’t afford any places to live, jobs are limited and the job I has sucks. My ex just got hired at the same place as me, but is making way more money. I kindly asked her to plz put the girls on her insurance so I can possibly survive, and then I wouldn’t mind paying the child support. She won’t do it, so I asked if she doesn’t want to switch the insurance if she could just plz drop the support or have it readjusted so that I can provide for the girls and she said no. I don’t have the money for a lawyer to file a petition. It’s just all stressing me out and making me feel like a shitty parent, which she calls me all the time. I’m so snappy at my girls that I believe I am. Idk dude I just wish god would show me a sign that I’m gonna be something, and gonna be a great dad
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@vaariesga @anon86726034 I remember that movie from when I was a kid! Didn’t remember what the dinosaurs were called tho, sorry. My son has moved onto lambourghinis and insects these days. I can listen to chatter about insects, but when he starts about cars…zzz.
@anon60334405 The financial side is overwhelming, but doing what they want is not what makes a good or bad dad. Kids have voracious appetites for toys and trips out but that is not what they NEED. From what I see on here, you are far from a shitty parent, and if your ex has issues with your parenting you need to discuss it sensibly without namecalling.
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Well said; so much to parenting is trial and error. You learn as you go.
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Day 6.
Last week found myself with 30 other drinking people and I caved. I was away from home in a hotel. I know realize for this next year I need to comfort of my home and my little corner of serenity.
It was stupid. I think everything I have been dealing with has dragged me down. HALT. Anyways. It was 1 night. Here I am. Again. Have a meeting Friday.
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Glad you’re here, getting back to it!
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Happy to see you’re right back here Kelly. You’re going through a lot right now so please be gentle on yourself. Sending you big hugs. 
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You’re back with us, that’s a win!
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388 Days. We had a family day and it was really fun. Went to a haunted house and lost my voice from screaming so much. Of course I was in the front, my daughter behind me hanging onto my hoodie and my husband last. I was like a scared child and they were laughing at me. There was one part where the doors all shut and the floor starts spinning. Good thing there was a railing in the middle. My daughter and I grabbed it but the group of people behind us didn’t and they all fell. It was like dominos. They ended up ontop of my husband, laughing hysterically. When it stopped, we were all dizzy trying to find our way out in total darkness. If I was still drinking, I probably would have got angry and started swinging at people. Sobriety is allowing me to just have fun. What a great time we had.
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Congratulations 
JJ!!
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Sounds so fun Lisa! What an Awesome family day 
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Woo hoo…! Way to go, 9 months sober is just awesome! You’ve got this mate, keep on keeping on ODAAT! 
Blessings and sobriety!
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You’re kicking some ass with those numbers. 
Good for you.
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Day 104.
Road tripping back home after my week away. The combo of rain, construction delays, deer standing in the middle of the highway, and fatigue - and I opted to overnight in a pet-and-family-friendly roadside hotel. I can hear the busy water slide, the whole place smells like chlorine and french fries, and the dog girl is not impressed with whatever is yapping across the hall. Ah, an unconventional Canadian Thanksgiving for me! 
Four months ago my singular focus would have been on getting off the road and cracking into something cold - and strategizing on when and where would be best to stop for that reason, whether the liquor store would be open, etc. Three months ago this trip was a challenge. Today I’m just grateful for this bed I get to crash in (and the fact that the pool and kitchen close soon 
)
I’m also super duper grateful for this forum and this thread, and to all of you who show up here and share your days and your stories - I draw deeply from your strength and commitment every day. Big love. 
And Happy Canadian Thanksgiving to all of you! 
@jjcarson92 9 months is looking so good on you!
@anon27700620 2 months is amazing!
@Dragonflygirl82 Big hugs. Lots. For a long time.
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I just love reading your daily strength and journey.
This is exactly how I feel about your journey through sobriety. 
“I draw deeply from your strength and commitment every day.”
Nice pic of the rainbow. But shouldn’t you have 2 hands on the wheel?
Safe trip home.
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The dog girl took the photo? 
I promise I won’t make a habit of it. Wait - that sounds like what I said about drinking too much back in uni days!
Okay. I won’t do it again. Thanks friend. 
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Sorry for your loss dear.
Blessings and sobriety!
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