@anon35096624 Sorry about the circumstances Julia, buuuuttt… it IS lovely to see you back in the main forum!! 
I’m looking forward to your daily posts 
You. Are. Strong. x
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I fell asleep 2 
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AWESOME Beth 
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Absolutely. Now it would be nice to be able to travel more than 5 kms from home.
You will get it you just keep getting up and keep working at it. It takes as long as it takes.i recommend meetings online and start reading the book if you aren’t already. White knuckling is miserable
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Sorry you don’t have answers @Mephistopheles that’s incredibly frustrating. And I can imagine you’re doing crazy not being able to exercise. Wish I had something insightful to say. Just want you to know I care and hope you find a way to get through this sober. 
Keep going to meetings and working the program. Maybe some service work?? Just a thought. Wishing you well.
You are rocking it!! Especially with all the crazy you’ve had lately. Well done taking care of yourself.
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Day 384
Feeling anxious and overwhelmed today. My youngest daughter, who I’ve shared about before on here, is struggling again and it’s just tearing me up. She’s missing school and we are waiting for her new meds to start working. It takes almost a month to get the full benefit and I don’t know if I can make it a month. I can’t figure out what I’m scared of. But I feel fear and anxiety. And it doesn’t feel good. I’m trying to focus on the Serenity Prayer and be thankful for my sobriety right now. But I need to go to work and concentrating there is difficult when my brain is occupied with her. Anyway - just checking in hoping it helps. If you’re struggling today, just keep putting one foot in front of the other. That’s what I’m doing. The next right thing. And that’s going to work.
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Day 49
I am looking forward to 50 tomorrow, and enjoying the perks of sobriety. I am ahead with my work! I have enough energy that I don’t just fall asleep at the same time as my kids! And yet odd sneaky thoughts of late. I am not giving in, I know how much one drink destroys any sense I have.
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Day 4 sober. Good rest, good company today. I think I can make it
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Oh yes!!! People that spend their lives searching for happiness will only end up miserable, it’s not an object that we can hold on to and keep it’s an emotion we can have anytime of the day if we so choose.
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what else would you call it 
Happiness is not a destination, it’s right where you are!!!
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Well done Chris, Allen, John, Bob, whatever. Still a legend in my book .
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Checking in at day #32. Still sober. Still working hard. Still grateful as always for the support of strangers without whom this new life would be, if not impossible, then very lonely. The times I’ve been tempted to drink, I think how bad I’d feel getting back on here and admitting I’d failed. I don’t want to do that, so I keep on keeping on. Thank you. Feeling far more humble than at the beginning when I was flying. I suppose that’s all part of the process.
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Congratulations on your one month. That is so wonderful. Great work. That first month can be a doozy. Glad your getting closer to your brother. After my parents died my sister and I are finally getting closer again. Although we live far away from each other. Which is good IMO. But it’s nice. The hate was rampant for awhile and it made me ill. Good thing you are learning things like the serenity prayer on your journey and other great stuff about the things you can’t control.
So happy you past that month mark.
You go girl!!
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Shithead
Your not that bad!
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D 843
I think I need to dial back the AA meetings a bit. They have been great and have brought positive influence into my life, as well as getting me “out and about”.
However, what I had feared is beginning to happen.
I’ve gotten to where I am, 843 days free of drinking, by just not thinking about it. I recognized that drinking is just not for me anymore, I made a decision to quit drinking for good, and I did. It hasn’t been the so-called “white knuckling”, as I don’t feel like I’m depriving myself or restricting myself in the least. I simply just don’t even think about drinking, and it doesn’t dawn on me as an option in any circumstance. Not trying to be cocky, it’s just how it is in my mind and I am grateful for that.
The comparison I’ve used in the past is mayonnaise. I get a sandwich, I don’t even think about getting mayo on it 'cause I hate it. Same for drinking - I don’t consider it as an option, because I hate drinking. I do not drink. I am a non-drinker. Period.
My fear going into AA was that putting more emphasis and thought on not drinking, and actively focusing on it, would be detrimental to this mindset I’ve got in place. And over the past week or so, the concept (not a desire to do so, but just the concept of drinking again) has popped into my head twice. It was very brief on both occasions, but it was a noteworthy thing to happen. Additionally, had a drinking dream. Those never happen either.
So I’m still going to go - I’ll stick with my Tue night home group and the informal meetup with a few of the guys on Thursdays, but I’ll probably stop going to my weekend morning mtgs – maybe not altogether, but definitely not every weekend both days. I think I just need to step back a bit after noticing what I described. I am also pretty tight for time on the weekends so it would help there, too.
I’m going to talk it over with some of the guys but I think it’s the right choice for me.
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Day 22: Woke up in the wee hours of the morning with a massive headache and now I feel like I’m coming down with something. I wish I didn’t still struggle with these headaches. I’ll be staying in bed and resting up for awhile today. I’m grateful to be able to take care of myself and that my husband is here to look after me, too.
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Starting over. 2 day and 1 hr.
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