Looks to me like Mr. Moose owns Hallowe’en! 
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Hi Moose. Good to see ya up and around. 
Take it easy buddy. 
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Great job on the 25 days. Sleep well and have a lovely 26th. Just one day at a time
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I blew up at my coworker. Fortunately, he doesn’t understand English or I would probably be fired. He just would not stop being a prick. Any question I asked, he’d get mad and yell.
Oddly enough, he wasn’t upset at all, and thought it was kind of funny. I feel better, and I think we will get along better now. He seemed to chill out a bit aftetwards.
The problem is I can’t control myself, I just explode. No matter what I did, when he just wouldn’t get off my case, and kept criticizing everything I did, I fucking lost it and got in his face yelling.
There is something in Japan called a senpai/kohai relationship. I think it is similar to being in bootcamp in the military. It means you have to always listen to senior employees when you are the junior. So when two senior employees tell me opposite things, I have to pick who to listen to, then eat shit from the other one. I’m not young, so I am having a difficult time with it. I have zero tolerance for bs, and my job requires me to put up with it all day everyday if I want to continue.
I was very close to quitting last week because this guy I work with started screaming at me because I was 5 or 10 seconds too slow doing someting I hadn’t done before. It’s all in Japanese too, and I’m getting better, but the vocab is job specific and specialized so it is a struggle.
I don’t have anyway to really vent, I’ve tried everything. My therapist is garbage. I just get meds from her, but there isn’t much mental health support here. So I feel trapped and frustrated. There is a whole lot more behind and underneath all this. I’ll try to post more because this site is one of my main outlets for help and advice. Thanks for being here all.
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I think it’s time for me to shave 
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I’m here, I’m alive and I’m sober.
Day 24.
And I don’t want to get out of bed. Still not sleeping, and tonight was even worse.
During the day yesterday an old business partner to ny husband was here knocking on the door. I didn’t open and hide indoors calling my husband. Last time this guy wanted something he sent three thugs to come and knock late night,because he didn’t dare to go himself. We don’t owe him nothing but he acts like it anyway for some reason. And only comes by when he wants help or things like that. My husband called him after he left and this time that guy just wanted a cup of coffee because he passed our house. However I had no clue that was the case and my husband told this guy that I would never open the door and he’d do better just calling.
I made a hideout upstairs in a room without any windows and with an invisible full view and listening possible to the front door, so I’ll be sitting there studying today. Almost done with half of the exam, but this little incident made me really uncomfortable. It’s my home and I want to feel safe being here.
I might overreact because I’m tired but it doesn’t really help knowing that.
Now getting out of bed (a little late) waking up the kids and take them to school.
Happy Wednesday 
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I’m glad you kept yourself safe and found a space in your home to stay focused. I cannot stand people coming unannounced. Especially men, when I used to be home alone. I am always grateful to have my dogs here who bark viciously at anyone who comes near. The fact that there is history there and maybe you don’t know all the facts is also concerning. Keep doing the smart thing!
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Hi everyone! 2 weeks sober alcohol free tomorrow! This is my first post, Thanks to everyone for keeping the inspiration and motivation going!
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- I’m late and I’m procrastinating again. I hate myself when I’m like this. Well, need to work first. Two days off after. Time for something. Don’t know what yet. I do know that it will be clean and sober for that’s a prerequisite for anything I’m able to do. Thanks for being here all. It helps. Love from Amsterdam.
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this is your life and your story and if you want it to be a sober one you don’t need to prove anything to anyone else. i just talked with my parents and told them i’m not drinking anymore and they both suggested i just try moderation…i was disappointed to hear that. i told them that moderation is impossible. i do not want just one drink. it’s not like i’m getting drunk every day but if i have 1 drink somewhere you can bet i’m stopping on the way home to get more to drink. and then the next day i’m most likely going to be drinking after work because my day was rough and i ‘deserve’ it. and all of a sudden i’m drinking more nights than i’m not and every single day is an internal dilemma about drinking. 1 drink would reset everything and make every night a decision again. i’m almost at 2 weeks and i love knowing that i’ve already decided not to drink. done. i can worry about other things but not whether i’m going to drink tonight. sorry - rambled. Anyways…don’t listen to those people. Not drinking an addictive carcinogen is a good choice 
good job!
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You’re killing it @Dejavu 2 years is awesome.
Great job @anon89207786 on 300 days and @Nordique on triple digits.
@Thirdmonkey 2 and half years tomorrow, you’ve nailed your sobriety my TS friend and great post, my sentiments exactly.
Blessings and sobriety y’all!
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Day 103. Having real trouble sleeping lately. My brain don’t wanna switch off. Thankfully I’ve learnt from past experience this is a prequel to a manic phase which ultimately ends up with me using… So, now I’ve recognized it I can reeel myself back in and double my focus. Keep.on.trucking.
Much love to you all
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68 Days
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That’s great having your dogs. If I could I’d have a dog too 
I don’t let anyone in except family if they haven’t called first. Just to be safe.
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@Apes2020 Wow that is very weird weather! What amazing photos!
@M-be-free49 I think that’s a great way to put it and I’m with you on the social media thing. I’m not on it either! But I definitely think that it makes complete sense for people at the beginning of their recovery to find a place to be that will help them through, (and I’m thinking of you @anon28001181 when I say this too) because it can seem pretty lonely and hard to completely overhaul one’s life.
And as far as places online to hang out, this is a really good forum in a lot of ways. Even as people need it less and less for recovery, at least there are people you’ve grown to know and that you have something you share with here.
However @Dazercat , I can absolutely understand where you’re coming from too. It’s easy to get addicted to electronic things, like forums, tweets, chats, etc. I think you’re a great addition to this forum, but you definitely have to do the thing that you feel is best for you, and I completely respect that.
@anon89892515 Wow that sounds very frustrating! I know exactly the work relationship you’re taking about (Japanese was my first major in college, and I’ve been to Tokyo, so I’m somewhat familiar with that) and I would probably pull my hair out if I was in your position. Vent as much as you’d like, especially if you really need it.
@Crazycakes Welcome! Congrats on your two weeks! That’s awesome!
@Mno I love bees! What a great picture!!
@Tommo There are definitely worse things to be obsessed with!
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I’ve just read in the Dali Lama’s book The Art of Happiness that we are most content after we have let go of all material possessions. No wonder I was so f*#king happy after my divorce settlement! 
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Ah man I know that feeling, last time it happened before a relapse I cleaned the house solidly for about 3 days, my girlfriend thought I’d already got high lol nope just straight up crazy sober mania.
Exhausting but can’t sleep for long periods (having a cat don’t help mind). Can’t concentrate on anything actually constructive at that point.
This time around I’m focusing on lots of meditation and piano before it gets that bad. So far so good, the meditation is def helping.
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It’s great you have the self awareness to recognize this and you have more tools in your belt than before, including a good period of clean time.
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D 44
Last night I spent 2 hours on Skype with a good friend whom I told about my addiction via email last week. She took it well and had lots of questions. We’ve known each other for over 10 years so she has my permission to ask and speak directly. I even told her (at length) about TS and what part this community has in my recovery atm. She was impressed and glad.
That Skype call wasn’t all about me though. She’s just recently SAID YES and the wedding will be in January
I’m grateful to have found a few ladies here in TS who are on a similar journey with me. It’s next to impossible to find PMO support groups in my country and or even on a suitable time zone.
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