Outpatient therapy update:
So I’ve share up there my first exercice I had to do as an outpatient, about the advantages/disadvantages of both using and change (sobriety/recovery). We’ve talked about that and how it made me feel and what I’ve come up with. I definitely encourage anyone who starting is journey into sobriety to work on something like this, it’s very insightful.
Next exercice is 2 things. First, it’s connected to the fist one as I finished it with an inspiring sentence that I like for myself (“Plus tard c’est maintenant” - translate into something like “The future is now”. It sound kitch in English but it basically mean that today is what use to be a future in the past, when I wanted to be somewhere else in life or wanting something more; and it also mean that what I want in the future is directly connected with what I am doing today, now; and so it remind me that my alcoholic behaviours needs to change now and that I have to put the work on my recovery now, not in the future).
So first exercice is starting to collect quotes or sentences that make me feel good and to put some somewhere I can see them. It’s nothing crazy. The main idea is to find something that reinforce my willpower to be sober and recover instead of cultivating the thoughts that drinking could be good for me. I have for instance found two that came up to me and I’ll just put them on a post-il at the side of my computer: “Courage over comfort” and “Mood follow action”.
But the main and second exercice is gonna be long. It’s about what are my desires and my goals in life. What do I want? I know we all have some spontaneous answer to that, but putting that on paper, concrete paper, and make a huge list or drawing with connexions between words and choosing from everything that come up to ones head can be tough. Again, the goal is to reinforce the need for sobriety to thrive through those goals, and make the gap between drinking and those goals even bigger so those latter always weight for more instead of that first drink.
Still enjoying that sober starting journey.
Sleep is shit though.
Hope you have a good day all,
Thank you
I really believe now in exposition to rewire the brain. We can’t just be sitting there and hoping for the best. Even just talking about wrong and past stuff or what we don’t want isn’t enough. We have to create new neurocognitive paths, new ideas, new life. I guess it start by the little things, that’s why I am very happy I have met this therapist which is just giving me the ‘homework’ so I feel like I have to do it, and I am somewhat good at school so that pressure works for me
Long day ahead ending with a “wine” date tonight. I always let people know that I don’t drink when it’s going to be just the two of us (this is a networking thing). When they are still comfy drinking alone, I find it weird. If I did that I would think people would know I had a drinking problem. So, I give props to those comfortable with it. Then there is my former CPA who downed 8-9 glasses of wine and then a shot or two of whiskey (I was a whiskey and wine girl). This chick’s demeanor did not change a bit. It was nuts! I of course drove her home. Anyway, better stop procrastinating and get to it. By the way, other people drinking does not trigger me, I was always the bad guy in my story
Sneaking this in for accountability. I can’t have another heart attack. Had one last Thursday. This ED is going to kill me. I need a lot of prayers here. I’m supposed to be under the care of a heart specialist due to my past heart attacks, but no insurance. I’ve been very lucky, but now that I actually enjoy being alive, I care if I die. I didn’t care before.
Day 13.
Been finding it hard lately.
All the things that I couldn’t cope with and used to drown out with alcohol are still here and messing with my head.
I need to readjust my way of thinking because they’re not going to go away, I just have to find the strength to handle everything that’s making me feel like an emotional wreck.
I haven’t fought about drinking, that’s the last thing that I need right now.
I used to have a really good life and I need to find a new one because otherwise I’m going to be going around in circles until the end of days.
It sounds like a good program with a lot of insightful and useful tools. I’m glad you’ve found something to help you. Sleep gets better eventually. Just hang in there. You’re doing great!
Social media is the bane of my existence. It’s so hard for me to not compare myself to literally every other person and it just makes me feel like garbage. Idk if the same is true for you. You’re amazing Rosa! Three weeks in already- keep it up girl!
Checking in on day 68…
Ive finally begun dealing with the pains I have been having for a year now. I went to the Dr. yesterday and I am finding out it isnt so black and white. The doctor doesnt seem to think it is my ovaries, he says it could be GI or bladder which was my biggest fear. I know in the back of my mind the ketamine addiction destroyed something down there most likely my bladder because thats what ketamine does. I am trying to look at the bright side… at least I quit when I did before it got way worse and at least I am finally dealing with it. But still… it sucks. Ultrasound tomorrow. What a reminder to never go back to the things that physically and mentally destroy us!!!
I see a lot of people struggling and I just want you all to know, its okay to be human! Life has its ups and downs. We have to roll with the punches. This too shall pass. Brighter days are ahead soon!! @Jennajen@RosaCanDo@Dragonflygirl82
Don’t give up, not all that walk away find the strength to come back. The times we think we want to be alone are the times we need people the most, not just any people but people like us who know.
Day 23. Home sick today. After I went home yesterday I took a nap and woke up feeling terrible, as I mentioned, so I called my boss and my PCP and they want me to get tested for Covid. I work in healthcare, so it’s definitely possible I’ve been exposed without knowing it. I’m freaking out a little bit and I’m not sure why. My sister in law works in healthcare too and was exposed a few months back and was tested. She was negative. I guess I figured it would happen at some point or another, it was just a matter of time. I guess for as far as i have come with drinking it feels like a bit of a setback for my other goals and I’m frustrated. Sorry for the vent. Thanks for reading if you did.
vent away, covid is a genuine concern. I work in social care and had loads of tests, 2 this week already, TBH we’ve been trying to bloody kill ourselves for years on a daily basis so I wouldn’t worry about a few dodgy germs it seems people like us are born to keep on going no matter what the cost.
Hello fellow journeyers! Working Day #33 here. Getting into the groove. This is a long walk, not a race with a finish line. That’s slowly sinking in. Walk deliberately, take in the views, be grateful, be aware. Getting it. Benefits: awakened senses. Really enjoying the bite of a crisp apple, the fragrance of autumn leaves, the relief of watching my morning blood pressure drop from an alarming 130/80 to 109/79 after 4 weeks of sobriety. Now, if those pesky little burst capillaries on the side of my nose would disappear completely…I think they’re fading. I hope! All I know is that one drink won’t move me forward; it will set me back.
I guess that’s how you all eat pizza in Australia? 
