Hi @Tomek! I’m so sorry you’re having a hard time. Recovery takes time and effort and building up “backbone”. Yet it’s so important to extend a lot grace and love to yourself
Even if these were only rhetorical questions… Certainly start with the things you can influence. Approach and attitude, definitely, but I find they are also the slowest ones to change.
I believe there is. As long as you’re alive, there’s hope even when you feel all hope it’s lost. I’m not saying this lightly. I went thru a hopeless hell a couple of years ago, had every reason not to go on (or so I thought). So grateful today that I didn’t give up.
Is there a way you could do that? Going on a day trip somewhere, starting a new hobby that you enjoy, one that’s not only “beneficial”. Obviously you have to take yourself with you but you’re still allowed to live and enjoy life
Halloween has become in vogue in recent years, for grown ups with parades and parties in bars and clubs. I don’t think there will be much festivities this year around. Too many restrictions bc too much corona around. Over here Sint Maarten or Saint Martin’s day is still celebrated on November 11, by children going door to door holding lanterns, singing songs and getting candy. I hope for the kids it will be celebrated this year but not sure. The trees are birch btw.
Day 723. We take this family vacation every fall. This is the second year whilst sober and my oh my! My perspective and experience and enjoyment has changed so much in that time. It just keeps getting better and better. Don’t quit until the miracle happens!
Congrats on 723 days, that’s incredible. So are those photos! It’s so inspiring to hear that you’re still enjoying sobriety and getting so much out of it
@M-be-free49 good morning! Love you too little sis, you’re definitely in my thoughts and prayers!!! Have a wonderful time we are all here for you have a great day today!!!
Day 114 clean and sober today. Today’s going to be busy getting things ready to start school tomorrow. Thinking about going for a hike this morning though before it gets to hot out lol. Really appreciate all of you here and I hope everyone has a wonderful day today. Love you guys!!!
Hey Kevin!! Good to see you and thank you so much for your input, advice, and constant support! Thanks for thinking of me recently makes me feel very welcomed back. I like the fact that you explained step by step how that little addictive creature steps in and takes over. Helps me to sort of see the process before a slip. Im nervous… ill be honest. And I feel sort of unsure of how I’m going to do this but im trying not to think too far ahead. Just focus in the moment. How are you though? How are things? Hope you are doing well
Day 1
Checking in… its 730am here and I’m on my way to work. Feeling good today as I slept well last night. Feeling nervous… but also excited about recovery. Was thinking last night about WHY I used to use. Was I drawn physically to it or was it to numb pain/feelings/stress. Was it due to my addictive personality lol or does it truly even matter?? Lol I guess I was just trying to see the root cause so that I can better understand myself. I often wonder if I need to address some of the issues of my past (rape, sexual assaults of the sex trade, domestic violence from my ex etc). I feel like I’m okay and that I dont need to address it but is that just my mind convincing me that im okay or have I numbed that out too. I think WAY too much lmao Anyway, it feels so good to be back here Hope everyone has a good day/night hugs
Day 20.
Craving.
Yesterday I had my first strong craving since the first/second week. Went to Ikea, long day, had work in the early morning, trafic. After all this it came up, the urge to drink. Was visualizing beer, then wine because of the temperature, then the food with it, then the couch and TV while drinking. It was basically an automatic response to the feeling I was having at that time. No real control on that visualization.
Did the “HALT” questioning, didn’t really found what I needed. Told my girlfriend I felt like drinking. Obviously didn’t want to, I just recognized that and told her. I let it passed, but it was still on the back burner. I realized I was little itchy from all the day and that I havent drank water the whole day, just coffee in the morning. Even though I thought it might be that I was thirsty, my mind didn’t really believed it: there was this belief that water and food and relaxation would NOT be helpful and that I will still feel the need of drinking booze. This is a very strong belief that made me relapses a lot of time.
Guess what? thinking of something doesn’t NOT equal reality. Thinking something is going to happen or not doesn’t mean it is or it is not going to happen. It is what you do with it that count.
I drank a liter of sparkling water with lemon juice. I laid down on my girlfriend while she was checking stuff on her phone, and fell in deep sleep in 1 minute for about half an hour. Woke up, felt great and realized I was just exhausted and damn thirsty. We then had a great night building 3 f$cking Ikea furniture, and we now have a nice and brand new bedroom set
Went to bed and woke up sober. Way better than what I was visualizing during my craving.
Thanks sobriety
Hope you all have a good day guys.
Have you ever addressed it in therapy? I think it definitely has a part in your addictions, etc.
Something keeps pulling you back… I’m really glad you’re here and fighting for it.
Glad to see you checking in! The fact that you are questioning why you used to use shows how much you are growing.
I think its good to deal with the things from your past but in time when you are ready. Also, its crazy how sometimes things come up and I have those “aha” moments on a random day and it all starts to make sense! Just keep racking up those sober days! …
Thank you, Olivia, for your kind words. I will definitely think about all you said.
The stories of others put mine in a different perspective and it helps a lot. This whole forum is a big help itself.
I think there isn’t a solution, there are just several ways to choose, but there is no guarantee, I choose the right one. I can either choose myself and hurt and may lose others on the way, either make compromises and lose myself on the way. I’m so frightened to make a step. I feel so weak to have this fight.
I kinda forgot how to enjoy life. But I know, that the only way to find it out is to do it sober.
1st off… congratulations on getting through your craving! I love how you spoke about it bcuz that’s exactly how my cravings are too! You totally worked through that and came out successful and sober!
This right here!! I LOVE this! Cuz it’s so true. I have to remember this cuz when I crave I often feel like that is going to be the end result. It doesn’t have to be! Thank you
Donna!!! So good to see you!!! I have addressed my domestic violence piece. While I was still with him I would actually secretly attend one on one domestic violence counselling to learn how to get out. I also did group therapy in the women’s shelter I stayed at. I’ve attended a support group also for women and transwomen who are/were involved in the sex trade. So I spoke about it but never delved deep into the assaults or rape. When that rape happened I told my supports. They encouraged me to write up a “bad date report” and even tell the police. But bcuz I was doing what I was doing, I didn’t seek justice for it
Of course it help when you have remove alcohol from your toolbox or lists of things to do when craving comes. So if you do make up your mind that this is not an option, that you rather cancel the day and cry on the couch, you’re more in a position to take your time and figure what is your need and act accordingly instead of avoid your true need with booze.
Wow; you are really a strong soul, lady. I had something happen when I was younger and never addressed it, or even told anyone. Things like that stay with us, that’s for sure. I’m going to check on you daily and if I have to travel up there to make sure you stay with us I will, lol.
Hey How are you? Good to see you! Your right, there will be a time when I can work on that. I appreciate you saying that bcuz my focus needs to be on recovery right now and staying clean. I’m hoping to get alot of those Aha moments in my recovery. I’m excited to see what I can truly accomplish being clean and how things fall into place alittle easier. I know things won’t be perfect all the time. And honestly, I’m quite scared of my 1st real craving. Like super scared. But not going to focus on that now lol just gonna stay in the moment.
Hope everyone has a good day/night hugs
