Lmao!!! I love it Donna! Thank you! 
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Congratulations!!! Super impressive 
hyvin ansaittu 
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Another day done… that makes 11! Tx
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@Deadman- Congrats on 2 years, my friend. I’m right behind ya. Glad we are both still trudging. Was thinking about you and your butter dishes recently. 
@Fireweed - you rock, lady. Congrats to you on 2 years!! 
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@Lisa07 Oh no! That sounds so frustrating. These hardware makers try to ‘update’ the phones, but in the end I think they just move things around to make it seem more updated and to make it easier to get to emergency numbers when you have an emergency; which, sure, that’s great, but it’s not so great when you don’t have an emergency and this kind of thing happens. Uuuuuuugh.
@Hidden I really love hearing how you are becoming more comfortable with yourself in your sobriety. That’s really a wonderful place to be, even if it’s not perfect (and I don’t think it ever will be, because there will always be something we can work on).
@Dazercat Thanks. Honestly I’m not sure what I’m going to do. I think I will see him again until I’m able to find another psychiatrist that I want to try out. I sort of lucked out with my psychologist and didn’t have to hop around, but I don’t like the idea of staying with a health care provider–especially in the mental health area–that I don’t feel comfortable with. I’ve had a lot of bad experiences with psychologists and psychiatrists, so I think I’m more sensitive in that area.
@Lilemm That’s awesome! Good for you! You’re doing great!
@Dolse71 I’m leaning in that direction. There were some things in the appointment that I wasn’t thrilled about, but prescribing me a medication that I said I couldn’t have just makes me feel wary. I’m not trying to be difficult on purpose. My body just really hates pharmaceuticals 
@Mno The sky is so blue in the picture! And fluffy white clouds! Being so near to places in the US that are on fire, we get a lot of the smoke and haze from those areas and our clouds are just little wisps. Not that I’m complaining because of course we could be dealing with a fire, but I’m kind of longing for blue skies and fluffy white clouds.
@Briella Hang in there and try to get through the feeling. See if you can focus on making it through each moment. Future you will be so happy you didn’t give in. You can do it!
@manishc What happened happened. The best thing you can do is to step back from it, see what you can learn, and move on–not hate yourself because you had a setback. Try not to panic about your wife. I know it’s scary, but we’ve actually learned a lot about treating COVID. As hard or crazy as it might sound, the very best thing you can do is imagine your wife recovering so that she is healthy and happy. Try not to visualize the worst happening, but instead visualize the very best outcome and allow yourself to feel the gratitude you would feel if she recovered completely. I know it sounds ‘woo woo-ish’, but your thoughts do make a difference and it might also help you to remain calm and collected.
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Day 238~ Sober and off to bed. My mom always said don’t go to bed upset; well that ain’t happening tonight. I’m so over being let down and hurt by the ones I care for the most. It sucks. I don’t want anything crazy. Just respect and to be treated the way I treat them. Maybe one day. I dunno… but I do know I’m really getting tired of it.
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Start of day 3. Hardly slept but still feel 100x better than hungover.
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@Nordique thank you so much.
Day 3 sober. I feel stressful, my mother is sick in the hospital and I am living far from her. Feelings of impotence.
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Day 101.
Yesterday – Day 100 – I wrapped up at my laptop early and headed to the city to visit Mom. So much harder to dodge honesty in sobriety - I was feeling apprehensive even before I saw her. A good visit – but hard. The old way crept in, my mind making a mental trip to the wine store as I left her place. I could picture the night ahead, quite vividly – trying to drink the hurt and tears away, and the momentary reprieve it would provide.
Of course I didn’t stop at the store. Drove back to the mountains where I used to live and where I’m staying this week. I had tea, a bath, and tears. The thing is, the more I actually let myself feel this pain and loss, the more too I can feel its opposite – joy, abundance. I definitely do not want to numb those, any of this human experience.
I know my 100 Days is nothing compared to the years I’ve tried to escape pain, loss, inadequacy with a glass in my hand. And so I continue to practice the new way. The “what now” that @Tomek and @Tommo and @Englishd and @Mno all recently posted of.
Woke up early to this.
Thank you, all of you, for being here – not only keeping me accountable, but for your companionship as we all work out this new way, this “now what”. Grateful.
Big love to all 
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Look at you go! Postcards, feeding a family, engaging in the community and your own sweet life. Those all seem like way better ways to “fill your boots” than anything that comes out of a bottle 
Yer making me smile and inspiring me! So this is for you from my fave cafe 
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I haven’t checked in, in a while. I’m still sober. Mental / emotional health has been high and low. As you can imagine, I’ve been working like crazy trying to pay down debt. Family issues are becoming my problem for some reason, their financial issues some how get bounced on me, people asking to borrow large amounts of money as it’s assumed I’m so financially sound. Idk. No has become a big word now of days. Time for people to bail themselves out of their own problems. 
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Congratulations on 2 years of sobriety Hanna. Keep spreading your wings my friend. Proud of you and all the work you’re doing to better your life.
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I love this !!
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You are so amazing Emm. You’re a shining star.
It is kinda cool to let the feelings in and come and go and change. I think with the drinking, for me anyway, it was a way of holding on to the bad feelings and never being able to let them change or go cuz I thought I was drinking them away. How untrue.
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Aw, thanks - but if you want to know the truth, I think it’s more like we - all of us here - are a constellation. 
No one in isolation. There is no “i” in recovery. (Okay, maybe that last one is cheesy! but you get the point).
Yeah, turns out everything I thought I was drinking away is still here, waiting for me tend to it.
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Typhoon coming, it has peed it down the last couple of days, and more to come! Tgif and I am looking forward to cooking up a big pot of yummy pasta and tomorrow is two months!
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