Thank you for your thoughts!
I don’t have any exact plan on personal development, except for seeing a therapist in every two weeks. And I try to work on my issues, but sometimes I’m so lost in them. It seems like a dead end.
I realized, how often did I escape instead of facing problems. It’s the third country I live in. I used to hide in my own world, in my imagination, not letting anyone inside. I changed so many jobs in the past. I speak many languages, but don’t like to talk at all. In my childhood there was a complete year, when I didn’t speak at all, I just answered questions. I don’t show myself to others.
Now I opened up to my parents and they don’t want to see me at the moment. Since I started to be honest to myself I have tons of difficulties. I know, that this is the only way, but it triggers my urge to escape so much!
Hi April. 
So glad to see you back. I was missing you and wondered what happened. I know you got to be you and do your thing but I missed your little spark of sunshine always thrown into whatever thread I was on whether it be serious or for fun. You always brightened my day.
So happy to read about your 178 days and you’re still kicking that addiction devil’s ass. Way to go!!
Anxiety!! No reason for it?? I think there is plenty of reasons for anxiety no matter what corner of the world you live in. Last I remember y’all were starting lockdown again. Sounds like a pretty good reason right there. And as someone already mention milestone anxiety. It’s real. It’s ok to sit and feel it. Personally I’ve been meditating more than ever lately. Sometimes twice a day. Sometimes I pass out and fall asleep but I reckon I needed it. Anyway … I hope to see you popping in and out of the threads again. Your messages always bring me a smile.
Day 19. Didn’t sleep well last night. My neighbors were arguing in the stairwell for ages, and my dog got sick in the middle of the night, so we were up and down quite a bit. As a result, I’m a bit muddled this morning and there doesn’t seem to be enough caffeine in the world to clear my head. This is the first blah day I’ve had this week, so I’m just trying to breathe through it and remember that this feeling won’t last. I just have to take it as it comes and move through the doldrums and crankiness.
@Esme710 congratulations on your week! You’re doing great, and I look forward to reading your updates.
Day 38: There’s the chill of late autumn in the air…it feels early this year. I just harvested the last of my tomato crop, lots of greenies that I hope will ripen. I might do fried green tomatoes and BLTs this weekend for a taste of summer. I was just remarking to my husband that I am actually looking forward to winter this year, and he was surprised/puzzled. We both tend to dread that season. Winter is “depression season.” I described how I envision making good use of the time, enjoying our newly rearranged and organized spaces at home, making the best of this quarantine life by spending quality time together and dreaming of what the future holds for us. All while staying sober and working on being healthy. I even want to get out in the snow and go explore some hikes! There is a deep peaceful feeling in the woods during a winter snowfall. He said to me, “I like where you’re going with this. Let’s make it happen.”
Then my Yogi tea bag spoke to me. Experiencing a sober winter will be another part of this journey coming back to myself, or maybe it is becoming myself?
Amazing!!! 
Day 1 again. I got this!
I love winter. It’s my favorite season. But I also snowboard so having that to look forward to might have something to do with it. Although I guess with Covid there won’t be much of that going on. They closed down the mountains pretty quick last year when all this hit.
I would like to learn to love it this year. Looks like we are going to staying in the great north for quite some time…It was a bit of an adjustment for a couple of desert dwellers!
David, what’s it gonna take to get you to stay sober!?! You and your family deserve the best you. Maybe check here daily even if it’s for a few minutes a day. What keeps pulling you back to it?
Stick around and you’ll feel great, promise!
Checking in with 34 days.
Today I woke early, which has become a usual thing now, I had notifications saying my gifts for my Step-Mum weren’t going to arrive until Saturday when they were supposed to arrive today, so I requested refunds and went off to the supermarket and bought a few bits there and a card, then walked to her shop to see her, my Dad was there too, they go together there most days, they deal in antiques and this shop is their very new adventure. It was good to see them, and my Dad said he can really see in my face that I’ve lost weight, this makes a change from the usual negative comments about my weight, so was a nice feeling, I was able to confirm I’ve lost a stone. He showed me a few things he had proudly refurbished.
I’ve been for another walk this afternoon in the pouring rain, and because it was raining and my battery was low, I listened to an audiobook instead of playing Pokémon, and found this enjoyable 
My mood is a bit better than it was at the beginning of the week, I’m feeling disappointed that I haven’t had any viewings this week so far or had any offers, but it’s unusual times for the property market. I know I’m not alone with my financial shituation, but it’s weighing heavy on me.
Reminding myself to keep it in the day and focus on the things I can control.
Congrats to those with milestone numbers, and to everyone else checking in today. Strength and Love to you all.
Great number @Hailstrom ! 
Welcome back @apes2020 
Seeing a therapist is a great plan!
I understand the need to escape or runaway, I’ve been doing that my whole adult life. Mostly with drinking, but also with friendships and jobs. When things got tough, I’d just walk away.
If you’re opening up in an authentic, healthy manner and someone has a problem with that, it’s just that, their problem. Doesn’t mean it hurts any less. Maybe therapy will help you to open up to those around you in a different way that’s safer for you. Not everyone needs to know the depth of your soul. Only those you choose to tell.
Feeling a bit better and less stressed today. There’s still some stressors to navigate, but I’m feeling less overwhelmed. They are nothing major, but my capacity to deal with stress has dwindled a ton during my active addiction. I have such an aversion to stress and I just want to avoid it at any cost. Facing these things head on, does make me feel more confident and capable though. At least life is giving me the opportunity to practice handling situations better without avoidance.
Wet cold water will rust your chain. Next time just find a chain lube, wd-40 is ok but they make better ones. Spin your pedal and spray the chain. Make sure to get your derailer and sprockets “cassettes” is what the rear is called. And wipe with a rag
Checking in on Day 450. Not much going on outside of the norm, just moving right along.
Saw this and had a hearty chuckle.
Have a strong day!!!
Thanks a lot 
I’m glad to hear this and can totally relate to your comments on stress. I had such an aversion to it that I would just completely disengage, turn my back on it and run (often times literally). Much to the complete despair of certain friends, partners, family. A complete refusal to confront problems. And then drink and drugs, that’s just turning your back on your problems all together.
Getting sober opens up the possibility for improvement, and like you say, the opportunity to deal with stress head on. It’s bloody awful at times, but it’s really the only way forward. And it takes courage.
Good going mate 
@anon28001181
Yes, I totally get that it’s their problem. It wasn’t the manner but the facts what freaked them out. But you’re right, it’s their work to process, and if they can’t or don’t want to, it’s their choice, their life.
Actually I think if I love someone (and I do love my parents) they need to know me, a deep relationship must be an honest relationship. It’s our mutual interest. They deserve to be treated honestly and I deserve to be able to show my real face.
I couldn’t take it any more, that they thought I’m someone else, they loved an ideal, someone, who wasn’t me. I had to make things clear, even at the cost of our relationship.
Great story, Olivia! 
Well done you didn’t ditch the chain. Some YouTube videos look like you can build a car or house in 5 mins 
Well, you gave it a try and that counts!
Welcome back April!!!