I think I’m gonna give it a try!
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Checking in
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Hell naw! 
I like the second part of that analysis, embarking on new things and maybe a splash of anxiety makes sense. I’m glad you posted though, because it also felt bizarre and not something I’d dreamt before.
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Thanks Emma. I am so glad to see you progressing along as well. 
I am allowing myself to be proud of my progress this time. The only solace I can take from my repeated relapses, is that they allowed me to be beaten into submission. I finally decided I’d do whatever I had to do, to stay sober. And a big part of that for me was accepting some professional help in conjunction with my meetings and recovery work. I had resisted that for years.
I feel like I’ve finally stopped fighting.
Years ago when I first tried to get sober, I was fighting urges and cravings all the time. I was simply white knuckling.
Later on, I tried to combat alcohol with habits and behaviors. I’d meditate. I’d run. I’d eat right. I’d read self help books. I still do all of these things, but they aren’t weaponized in some fight against alcohol anymore.
Alcohol won. It kicked my ass every time. So I surrender and know when I’m beat. I’ll leave it alone completely now. I’m not fighting it anymore. I’m just walking away.
Now these things that I do… the meetings, therapy, meditation, medication, exercise, reading, along with applying these lessons into my everyday life, are done from a desire for personal development. Not to combat alcohol. I’ve accepted that I don’t drink. So between that acceptance and living in a way that pursues spiritual and emotional growth, I’ve had not one urge, craving, or desire to drink. I don’t think about alcohol at all. I think about my recovery and personal growth all the time. 
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Day 47: I was sing song softly yelling in my sleep (according to my husband) and while I woke up with some vague memory of something funny I have no idea what I dreamt. I like that my dreams seem to be less distressing as of late. Last night while my husband and I watched movies, he had a few drinks and I found myself feeling that FOMO again. I’m getting accustomed to recognizing the feeling and addressing it, reframing it, and feeling better or at least different afterward. So I’ll count that as progress. I ate way too much candy, though. Need to investigate healthy 
munchies that don’t require prep or I can prep ahead. Today will be busy with chores, so I’ll have to check in later. Big love!
***Edited to say “recognizing the feeling” instead of just accustomed to the feeling, because FOMO has been a part of me for a LOOOONG time, I am no stranger to it, but I can take an observational perspective and do something with it now rather than just give in.
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Day #57! Expecting to experience a 30-degree temperature drop in the next 24 hours. Great day for writing and avoiding the COVID crowds. Had I not quit in August, I would be a mess of neuroses right now, Googling, texting my son to MAKE SURE HE IS ALIVE!!! As I told him last night, I don’t know if I’ve quit obsessing over this irrational fear because I’ve stopped drinking or he’s stopped drinking. We decided both. People keep asking me when I’m going to “go back.” I shrug because I don’t want to get into it but, so far, I see no advantage whatsoever to plunging myself into that spiral of nerves caused by drinking, calmed by drinking, rinse and repeat. I’ve broken the cycle and feel so free!
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I can’t believe I’m actually one of those people who get to check in with decently stacked numbers. When I first downloaded this app, it was only for the counter. I didn’t have an account to the forum for about 1 year and I would just lurk the forum. Then eventually, the day I knew I was ready to quit I created an account before I started posting. I would see people check in with 100+ days and 200+ days while I would struggle to make 14 days. Sometimes I wouldn’t reset my counter after a relapse and would get a notification from the counter like " Double Digits Goal Reached! "…while drunk and would think to myself “Wow, I could have been at 10 days if I didn’t give in to cravings!”. I wanted it, I just wasn’t “fed up of my own shit” enough to choose my health and self, yet. I’m glad something finally clicked because now I am “those people” who check in with 455 days!
Happy Saturday People
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“I don’t think about alcohol at all. I think about my recovery and personal growth all the time.”
This is the key, isn’t it?
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Welcome to the 300 club! Beautiful work.
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YEEEEESSSSSS!! 
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300!! This is so awesome.
I appreciate your support a ton, D.
I think journaling is a great idea. It was pointed out to me recently, to not just journal when I need to work through something, but to consistently journal when things are going well to. I’d always drop off with the practice when I started feeling better. Documenting both good and bad is important and journaling about positive things has helped me a bunch over the last couple months.
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It’s definitely been beneficial to me recently.
I’m really sorry to hear this.
Sending comforting thoughts your away, my friend.
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Thank you for those words. The sadness has passed now. Thankfully.
I’m exhausted, not slept much, stressed, it’s pissing sideways rain and high winds outside. But I put my running shoes on and went out running. That’s my result for the day 
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I have been drinking a lot. Drank during the day today. Told myself it was okay since I was writing. I tried to convince my wife it was okay too. I still have about 2 drinks left. I am debating whether to have it or pour it down the drain. Anyway. I won’t drink from tomorrow. Anyway too sleepy tonight. Good night folks. See you tomorrow
@Tommo Congrats on 50! 
@WCan Congrats on 40! Great post too.
@CapriciousCapricorn Congrats on 300! Huge number
Checking in with 43 days.
I had a nightmare last night, my entire family were all chopped up into very small pieces and all mixed together, and I was trying to rebuild them all and stitch them back together but they couldn’t function properly and weren’t the same. Then, no matter how well I thought I’d hidden us all, the enemy kept finding us and repeating the process. It was awful and I’ve been having flashbacks all day. I wish I could remember who the enemy was, I remembering knowing whilst I was asleep, but forgot as soon as I woke.
I really didn’t feel like doing my walks today because it looked so cold and sounded so windy outside, but I pushed myself and I did both of them, and it was freezing cold and windy but it didn’t rain so it could have been worse 
I am thinking of restarting journalling too, but like others have said, I struggle to find anything to write when there’s not much going on in my life. I remember I used to enjoy it though, I used to do it to empty my mind before bed as a teen and young adult. I did a lot in active addiction too, and haven’t done any since.
Hope you’re all having relaxing weekends 
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So glad I’m not alone 
It’s played on my mind today actually, I keep going over it. It’s just so strange and I’m sure there’s an element of anxiety to it. And my sleep has been really broken recently. I’ve been using a sleep body scan this past week or so which is working out great for getting to sleep. But then I’m waking up 3/4 times during the night. I feel exhausted today. Perhaps it’s all connected 
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