Checking in daily to maintain focus #24

[M-be-free49]

Day 189.
Clunky. Having had the space from work, I see how quickly the stressors affect me, how the interactions (even over zoom from home) land in me. I used to think I dealt with them with wine o’clock, but they just piled up in me. Now it feels like I’m learning to drive a car. Constantly making adjustments at the steering wheel – how to engage healthily (in work or relationships or other) and yet detach from the outcomes so often not in my control. I should really have a sign on my forehead that reads “New Driver”.

It’s now clearer too what is in my control. And it’s not only my right – but my duty – to create (as much as possible) the conditions for my life under which I thrive, not just survive. I have done this at times in my life, healthier times – at least somewhat. This year, it will include not meeting other people’s standards or setting their records that are in conflict with mine.

My standards today: laying my head on the pillow sober is a win.
Let’s do another one tomorrow.
G’night all. Big love.

[M-be-free49]

@TSan

This is what it is to rebuild a life in sobriety.

First, congrats on 100 days!
And thank you for your kind words. I honestly feel the same about your posts – like you crawl into my mind and put the scrambled thoughts into coherence. To rebuild a life in sobriety is so damn exhausting, but I love how you seem to know when to give yourself rest. To be still long enough with sweet Max beside you to hear sobriety whisper just loud enough “and it’s going to be so worth it.” I learn so much from this.

Your posts and your presence on this forum are soooo valued. As much as Max is adorable. Give him a good neck scratch or belly rub from the dog girl and I!

[Dazercat]

Yes you are a winner.

[M-be-free49]

Thank you.
The rest of the world is just gonna have to deal with the fact that my TS (sobriety) “report card” matters more than the other ones… (like my performance evaluation, my ability to return emails and keep in touch with everyone since grade 1 apparently, the appearance of my home and pet, but hey, the dog girl and I are tomboys so I’m not fussed about that one!)

It’ll all come into balance. One day at a time. Thank you again.

[Joy]

[Mno]

@M-be-free49

it will include not meeting other people’s standards or setting their records that are in conflict with mine

That’s basically it. Except from staying sober of course. Hugs friend.

[Chrispl]

Actually there’s a high chance, that it actually is a habit, since average time of building a habit is 66 days, and 100 days is quite more than that.

" It can take anywhere from 18 to 254 days for a person to form a new habit and an average of 66 days for a new behavior to become automatic."

[Misokatsu]

But that is just an average, and depending on the complexity of the habit, I would think addiction is a complicated habit. And actually addiction is more than just a habit, it is a complicated phenomenon, so would take longer too. But I was the one who used the word “habit”, I should choose my words more carefully.

[Mno]

I quit smoking cigarettes over 5 years ago and I can truly say I broke the nicotine addictions’ back by now. I’m still chewing toothpicks. That’s habit

[Mno]

577. Just set up my COVID vaccinations. February 2 I should be done with both. Glad wit that, mainly for selfish reasons TBH. Makes it more likely I can travel this year. Of course diminishing the chance of getting sick or infecting others means something too. Anyway, it gives me a bit of hope for better times. Sober and clean. I’m finally off work for a couple of days. Thankful to Luna for getting me out of bed early so I could get in touch with the callcenter. Have as good a day as you can all. Love from Amsterdam.
     
     

[Mno]

Will have to see how the health situation in the USA develops. My Texan friend needs to be vaccinated too for one thing. But I’m hoping to yes.

[Petes40]

Day 134

Not much to add working from home in my apartment, haven’t really got out of pjs only to go to the shop and to collect something at the office.

See the UK is now on full lockdown as in Ireland so that will apply to Northern Ireland.

Kind of getting pissed of with it all and all the anxiety that is around it. Should probably head back to my folks, haven’t been in close contact with anyone and only here since Sunday for a broadband install yeater that was rescheduled for today.

Anxiety feeds on all this negativity so take care people, I know mine is.

I’m currently pissed off because I have to go to the shop

An addicts brain is a strange place to be, mine told me that if I ever got covid just go and drink, sure fuck it. Good job I don’t listen to that side of my brain but it’s still there.

Normally hate the saying ‘stay safe’ but do take care of yourselves and stay safe in mind and body

[Jonachav123]

Day 363!
Drinking some coffee with my almost 1 year sober on my mind. I’ve come far. Really far.
I do not want to stop any time soon guys!

Stay strong and sober!

[Chrispl]

Indeed, in my opinion addiction is far more than something that could be considered as a habit.
Addiction is a mechanism of biological wiring.

[Chrispl]

Don’t ever look back

[MrsOdh]

I’m here, I’m alive and I’m sober.

Day 128

Everything hurts and I just spilled tea all over my phone. Back still hurting like crazy, another night on the floor in the boys room didn’t make it better.

My 8 y/o decided to lead a small exercise this morning and I ended it with some yoga. It didn’t help at all, so I gave up. Trying some painkillers and pain relief tea. Starting to think about maybe calling a doctor,I thought the back pain was from sleeping on the boys floor. But when I traced it back to when it started I realized it was at New Years eve. We got a very narrow steep staircase to the upper floor, at the day New Years eve I was vacuuming the stairscase tripped on the cord and fell down the stairs. I didn’t think I got hurt to bad, just a few bruises. But I might actually have hurt my back. It’s a red day here tomorrow so I’ll wait until next week before possibly consulting a doctor about it.

My husband talked to tweenie last night about the fact that we contacted social service to get some support. She couldn’t care less, all she said was that we don’t like her anyway and that she’ll find a better home that actually cares. And then she asked if the police have called and if she’ll get on the local news. One of her friends, the friend she was with the other day shoplifting came by yesterday and wanted to talk to her. I said that they where allowed to have a chat on the doorstep with me right behind tweenie. Needless to say she got really mad. My husband was at work at the time but luckily 18 y/o boyfriend was downstairs with me.

I don’t want her to move, I don’t want another family to take her for a while just to hand her back when it’s not working. I don’t want her locked up until she’s 18. I just want her to work on her behavior, and stop thinking she’s superior and that no rules applies to her. And then blame the behavior on diagnosis that she doesn’t really have.
Unfortunately I have no idea how to achieve that because I’m out of energy. I’m totally drained.

School starts for me again in two hours, I feel no excitement at all. I just want to stay here in my own bubble dreaming about the perfect Cottagecore house the perfect prairiedress and the perfect life that I don’t have.
I’ve got no energy to do anything at all.

But there’s always some light I guess, one bright thing is that it’s starting to bw brighter in the mornings now. Still no sunlight but at the time school starts (that would be 08.30 over here) it’s almost daylight. That’s a little comforting.

And yeah about the tea over the phone accident l, I’ve got a new coffee machine. A small Nespresso that my husband gave me for Christmas. Unfortunately it’s mostly made tp make Espresso (Wohoo Starbucks) and not tea. But not everyone in our house drinks coffee so we got tea caps too. This morning I decided to try some tea, so therefore I needed a teacup. Teacup didn’t fit so I had to take away the little step the coffee cup is standing on if you’re making an espresso. Not to advanced, said and done. Unfortunately I put my phone under the machine where I was supposed to have the teacup, just to go and get the teacup in the kitchen locker. And unfortunately I forgetten that I already started it so it would be in perfect timing for the teacup. Nice and warm. Well it wasn’t.
But my phone survived and the kitchen in newly cleaned by now.

Wishing y’all a happy Tuesday.

[Tryingtogetitright]

172.09 Days

[Mno]

Your phone survived so not all is bad Sophia… And you’re sober. That’s two. Daylight coming earlier here too. Three. Hang in there girl. I know you’re doing all you can. Hugs.

[Chrispl]

@Mephistopheles

52 is a good age to get your life back.

Actually every age is good to get life back, no matter how young or old a person is.

It’s that wonderful

[WCan]

Checking in on day 113.
Giving a try to 5 am club starting this morning. I realized after supper I just do nothing really good for myself - watch Netflix. So I am going to try going to bed earlier and waking up early, as I am way more focused in the morning. Some time to work on project, some time to just chill. Plus doing my screen time in the morning will be better for my sleep than doing it after supper. So, yeah, I feel good about this.
Wish I could catch up more on people on here. I hope everybody is well,