Thank you 
I cant wait to be where you are !! You’re doing amazing ! I’ve been excessively cleaning it helps pass the time
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Checking in: Nighttime addition. Hubby had a bad day at work, came home negative and made a drink within 5 min of being home. I remained sober and attempted to keep the peace. Which didn’t happen between the almost 17 year old and him. It was hard to be part of and while I know my husband regrets the behavior, it was hard being the person attempting to mediate when all I wanted to scream to them both was stop being idiots. Quietly crying right now.
He just went to bed he has been home 2 hours and my son is back in his room. I am just waiting for him to shower and go to bed as its all kinds of yuck right now.
- I know this will pass
- I know that drinking made this worse
- I know that I have been the angry parent and roles have been reversed.
- I know that I am early on my journey and in time my husband will either join me, or we will need to rethink how we are partnering together.
- I know that I NEVER EVER EVER want to be that parent again and I NEVER want to see the ugliness I saw tonight coming from me.
- I know that my family loves each other.
Note: Only words and yelling and yes we are all safe. Apologies occurred, tempers calmed, sorries were said. But my soul is a bit in unrest and I know I will not sleep tonight😔
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I’m from the UK originally, but I have lived in Singapore for the past 15 years, or so. I think I was just tired yesterday. Feeling a lot better and a lot more resolute today. Thanks for checking in with me. I appreciate it.
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Similar situation to me, from UK, been in Japan 17 ish years. What do u do in Singapore?
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I teach maths in an international school. How about you?
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I teach English at university.
Currently avoiding grading exams😂
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Sounds rough. I am glad your working through it the best you can. Do you meditate? Guided meditations are a lifesaver for me. Sometimes I use my ear buds or whatever you got. And listen to guided sleep meditations on my phone. I love the Breethe Ap. They have tons of choices. I don’t know if your into it but it can be really helpful. It takes practice and work. But if you stick with it you’ll be glad you did. If your mind wanders, and mine does all the time. Remember that’s ok. Just bring it back and focus on your breathing.
Keep up the good work. Your doing great
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I do with my fitbit app, tonight may be a good night to start♥️ Thank you Eric for the reminder!
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@Private50
You guys sound like me. I did a lot of angry power walking and angry house cleaning. I was cleaning toilets before bed because they looked dirty and I wasn’t tired. My wife was always like WTF are you doing?
Great job on your 37 days Mickey
1 week tomorrow Jade? Great job.
Enjoy your clean house. That kind of faded away after a few months. I could use some cleaning over here if y’all need more therapy 
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Where are from in the UK? I’m from up North. St. Helens.
Love Japan. Where are you based?
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I’m sorry to hear about your night. It’s never easy when the family gets into it. You are strong and are doing great. This will pass and you’ll be even stronger after. Hang in there. There’s always sun after the storm. 
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I love this pic!! Great job.
I got 6 cases back up sparkling in my garage.
I found I like the Pamplemousse. And the Mango. I also discovered the Arrowhead Black Cherry sparkling and I love it. And just recently I discovered Aha sparkling. They got a citrus green tea on with a bit of caffeine. I was still able to nap though. And I’m ploughing through their Blueberry Pomegranate. No sugar of course.
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Day 203.
Long. Like 2 mondays in one. I think I used up my full quota of words today, so I will keep this short! But at least “sober” is still in my vocabulary. And so is “grateful”.
And so I tuck in, tired, happy, and ready for some good rest.
No matter what the day held for any of us, let’s put it behind us now. Some of us wake before others! No matter what time, let’s do another day. We all have at least that in us. 
G’night all. Big love. 
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Good night M
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Day 52! I’m seeing my family this week as we all managed to get the time to see each other and tested negative for covid. It’s only been a few hours and I am so happy to be with my family! I was having such a good time I almost forgot to post. Most of us don’t drink now so it also makes going alcohol free on a vacation much easier.
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Thanks for taking the time to reply, Ally. I appreciate it. I’m feeling a lot better today, thanks. I will NOT be drinking today. 
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- Soaking wet outside. Rain gear ready. Off to work I go
. Sober and clean. Very thankful for that. Have as good a day as you can all. Love from Amsterdam.
@Singtone Good on you friend. Knowing you’re a math teacher makes me understand the Escher avatar. My favourite ones from him are these self portraits.
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236.08
I have been having this nagging feeling in my gut that I needed to check in on my ex-husband. It’s been weighing on me since NYE. I’m glad I did. He called me right after I sent the following text:
Hey guy guy! Checking in on you. How are you feeling emotionally and physically?
I did also want to ask, as I’ve been holding off on contacting you, does it hurt you to talk to me? I kinda got mixed messages on NYE.
You will always be my family and I’m always going to love you. Even if the type of love shifts, it still exists, just differently , if that makes sense?
So, at the end of the day, my number one priority is your happiness. I’ve finally realized I can’t fix anything or make that happen for you. You’ll have to do that for yourself. But I can be a friend, support, or I can completely go off the grid if that’s what’s best for you.
So, just let me know what you need. The last thing I want is to let you down by not being there for you, or blocking your progress by being too involved in your life.
I think about you a lot and I want you to have happiness and peace more than anything in the world. You are special Matt, you have a lot going for you. You just need to go get it. I know you can.
Turns out the song he sent on NYE was him saying goodbye and he was going to end his life. I remember how emotional I got when he sent it, I wasn’t sure how to take it. He was trying to apologize for what he has done, and wanted me to hate him. No can do. I should, but I can’t.
Now that he’s temporarily disabled due to his motorcycle accident, he’s spiraling into a deep depression. He was cheered up quite a bit by the end of the conversation. I called again tonight just to check in and we were laughing pretty hard by the time we got off the phone.
My friendship with him probably doesn’t make sense to a lot of people. He has to live with what he did to me for the rest of his life. As do I. Do I get angry about the permanent physical damage to my body? You can bet your ass I do. The pain I’m in every single damn day is a constant reminder of what I’ve been through. However, I’ll give him this… He held himself accountable, he got help, and he tried to do better. At the end of the day, he can’t go back in time and change what happened. However, he can change himself going forward. If I can forgive him, then he can forgive himself.
And that’s my overly babbling post for the day. It’s just after 2 am and here I am posting. I took Benadryl an hour or two ago, I hope it kicks in soon 
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When insecurities come to a surface… Its hard to not et frustrated and pissed off but reassurance is what Alot of us seek, even if our communication is attacking and very defensive. Many people haven’t learnt the art of expressing there true feelings and expect the person being accused to fully understand where they are coming from.
Personally sit down when you are both calm, express yourself the way you really want to… That yes you made a mistake in your active addiction on having a drink! Nothing else… Ask him to talk it through with you on this insecurity as all you seem to do is a viscous cycle that’s not making us connected but pushing us apart!
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You keep posting " maybe tonight" … What do you mean by that? Are you OK?
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