Definitely, talking about how we communicate is an ongoing part of our communication, haha. My friend recommend this book Wired for Love: How Understanding Your Partner’s Brain and Attachment Style Can Help You Defuse Conflict and Build a Secure Relationship. I’m not usually big on reading stuff like this, but so far it is pretty interesting and helpful.
Starting a new job with 13-hour days must be intense! Adjusting to new job and sobriety and navigating a relationship…yeah, that all is a lot at once. How do you feel when he does not seem interested in your work or sobriety? Sometimes I don’t feel supported by my boyfriend in my work endeavors, but I have come to realize that he shows his support in ways that I didn’t realize and I’ve tried to better understand that. It can still be hard though.
Thanks I do put a lot of effort into this and that’s becase I have to. In the past I didn’t and became a chronic relapser. Also my disease tried to kill me so now i fight hard. I dont want to ever be naloxoned again or have CPR get my stomach pumped from alcohol poisoning its way to hard to survive. I also lost three good friends in two years to there battles and maybe a dozen overall . I found my wife of 8 years dead on our floor back in 2017 and had to give her cpr until the ambulance arrived. I felt cursed by death even lost my dad not to addiction but he died when i was nine years old. I don’t wish these experiences on anyone. I was angry with myself and my God for far too long. Now i choose to pray everyday that he saved me and put me through this shit for a reason. I have to believe that or I’ll go crazy again. God bless you all. So theres a good chunk of why I am going hard everyday to help myself. I can’t do it alone though. Lets do it together.
Again God please bless us all. &
p.s. got myself crying again and it’s a good thing. You all deserve to fully feel as well.
Ya you!!
Day 205.
Do some days feel like an emoji smoothie? Like a good mix of all those little faces, pureed and served up to you in a glass? Well, that was my day. But at least there were no extremes. It was more like a sampler pack. Crikey. If I only I could select my feelings, like picking out my fave color of jelly beans.
I tried to do that for too long though, with just one drink (its friends the 2nd, 3rd, and 4th always tagged along though, the buggers). Never worked. I guess in the end, I gotta go all in - it’s the whole mixed beautiful bag of jelly beans or none. And so I gave each of those emoticons their time in the spotlight, their 5 mins of fame – let ‘em have their say and then sent them along. Still learning to do that. Doesn’t feel nearly as bad as a hangover.
Now I’ve got mellow tunes and tea. Tucking in soon, hoping for [relaxed] and [sleeping] tonight.
G’night all. Big love.
EDIT: when I posted this I hadn’t read above posts yet! See below for hugs and admiration to our pal @I.cant.We.can
Back at’cha - for all the reasons @Nordique already said, and everything in your reply.
You were already amazing, without knowing just how far you’ve come and been through.
Thank you for sharing this! So grateful you’re here with us and still here on earth.
Nearing 68 days done. Very grumpy, and don’t want to complain. Don’t post often anyway, so can’t expect much. Tomorrow morning is my ultrasound on my “gut”. Pretty nervous, tho pain has been less. On meds now for a double ear infection - hurts like hell and I can’t hear a thing. Haven’t slept well in days which makes everything seem worse.
Ok, so I guess I wanted to complain afterall.
At least we have a new POTUS!
Take care, all.
Wow.
What @Nordique said.
I wish I could say more. Glad you shared. I hope that helps. Reading your schedule is exhausting. And your such a blessing to always be able to make time for your moms emails. With all those worries on your plate. And there’s a fucking pandemic out there
I’m certainly not surprised you have trouble sleeping. Reading a good book always puts me to sleep. That’s why it takes me so long to read a book. And when I have a lot of trouble I use the guided sleep meditations on the Breethe App. I feel like I’m not telling you anything you don’t already know.
But in case you didn’t know this: your a caring, hard working, ethical, loving, sober, son of a gun.
Love you man.
I’ll try praying for you to get some peaceful sleep.
On my reread. I just realized I did say more.
Go Bills!!!
On train back home, it’s 1pm and a guy on the train is swigging from an open sake bottle. Different booze, but that used to be me. I remember I had a girl this semester tell me she often sees me on the train, and I had a momentary panic that she had seen me drinking. But I haven’t drank on the way home this whole semester, so she can’t have done. What a relief.
Day 8
I can’t take any credit for the last 24. It’s a blessing to have these resources in my life and people to help so that I stay out of the slurry of selfishness and judgement that sloshes around inside my head.
I don’t want to jinx it but I think I am starting to believe that I can do this if I keep my heart in the right place and leave the rest to God.
Hey good luck tomorrow. And you don’t need to post a lot to complain. Complain away. That’s what this is for. Sorry your not feeling good. Tomorrow will be better. Stay positive.
Sorry I have to vent.
I started off the day resenting my hubby for taking a large sum of money out of our bank account without discussing it with me first. It’s all about respect in my eyes.
I worked from home so I could take his mom to the doctor and I even took my daughter to work this morning so he could sleep in. 40 minute drive each way. I’m still considerate when I’m mad. But then I get a call that he never picked her up from work. I had to drop everything and run because It’s now an hour past her pick up time. He takes advantage when I work from home and assumed I was picking her up.
Driving back, I get a text that he’s at the emergency room. He fell off a ladder at work. He’s been doing construction for 30 years and has never fallen. Now I’m angry and worried at the same time. He wouldn’t have been on the ladder if he picked her up.
Now he’s out of work with a broken arm, torn ligaments and a few broken ribs which means no income. Thankfully I’m going to bed sober and hoping this angry feeling will be gone when I wake up tomorrow.
& 
And you don’t need to post a lot to complain. Complain away. That’s what this is for. Sorry your not feeling good. Tomorrow will be better. Stay positive.
Stella tomorrow’s a new day. 
