Hi everyone, felt like checking in on day 47
Thought I had covid for a few days, but got a test and I am negative
But while I was home resting I decided to finish up a painting I was working on. I’ve been a painter since I was in high school, and was supposed to go to art school, but my family didn’t have the money- even with a partial scholarship. Anyway, I’ve done some things here and there over the years. Mainly portraits of people who have passed. But this is my first animal portrait. (Also passed away) it’s my sister’s cat. I personally find it therapeutic to memorialize in a painting. Turns out, sober Jen is a better painter. And I’ve been using all these excuses to not paint.
Not anymore!
Checking in day 23: Doing great, even surrounded by booze and boozie peeps. Needed this get away its 20 °F (-6.6°C) at home and 79°F here (26°C). Last full day in the sun, gonna tey and soak in all the heat and bring it back with us tomorrow.
Day 228 clean and sober today. Had a really amazing Third step moment of realizing what the heck that really meant late last night. I swear I could know something and not really know something till much later. I was reading the NA basic text last night that I have read before many times many years ago and I saw so many things that I have never even noticed in my early years. I’m grateful that I am in the recovery phase of my life right now, more than I have ever been before. I hope everyone has a great day today, love you guys!!!
Not going to lie, but when one of the Top 5 rated guitarists in the world right now, checks in on you to check how your sobriety is going…thats pretty damn cool.
@Butterflymoonwoman Hey, it took me a really long time to break free of cocaine’s chains, but after too many relapses to count, I finally learnt that I could never have it again, I started to recognise all the excuses and lies the addict voice told me and started to look in the mirror and say ‘no’ and talk back to it, reminding myself that I don’t actually want it and that I do have the power to tell it no. I also changed my whole routine, started sleeping on the opposite side of the bed, started reading lots of recovery related book and audiobooks, started getting out for walks, and I spent a lot of time on here reading, I completely filled my mind up with recovery and stopped listening to the addict voice. It wasn’t easy by any means, but it does become easier. It took everything from me and unfortunately I had to hit rock bottom before I finally started seeing a way out. I pray you find your way out too
224 days. Too cold (-28 without wind) to go do any insulation work today. I’m thinking I need to find a new hobby and change it up a bit. Never before have I had so much time on my hands. Still contemplating my road trip but can’t quite take off until I help get the insulation finished. Plan to follow up on my application with the local convenience store today. I’m trying to be patient but darn it would be great to get out of here on a regular basis.
Thank you for the welcome ! I appreciate yall so much ! Checking in on day 68 ! My stepson goes home today, definitely gotta make sure I take some extra self care steps today
Feeling a bit down again today, I think it’s the weather, no sunshine today as opposed to yesterday, so I’ve been by my SAD lamp reading most of today. I finished the 2nd book of the series. I already don’t want the series to end, 5 more to read though so I don’t have to be sad just yet
I’m already missing the little walks due to the ice rink outside. They really do make a difference to the state of my mind. Hopefully the sun will make another appearance soon to melt the remaining ice away
Still managing to resist binge-eating, the cravings persist though, especially when my mood is low.
Still battling that inner voice that tells me that a man should be able to face the world alone with a packet of doublemint gum and a Swiss army knife. That voice tells me that needing a program makes me less than a normie. Truth is, those normals probably had a spiritual program and a healthy support system from the start. I’m just learning it a little later.
Just checking in friends
Another day of work on the go. Tired as hell today I am really needing some self care and rest. I feel like I’m starting to burn out abit (and I need to be on my game and aware when I’m working with my clients). Financially things are a struggle due to my own actions. But I just have to stick it out till pay day and then begin by make healthier choices. Anyway, I’m ok for today. Trying to remember to be grateful for what I DO have instead of dwelling on what I dont have. Thongs could ALWAYS be worse. Hope you all have a great day
My grandfather quit drinking and smoking cold turkey, I said if he could do it, so can I, dont need anything.
I also didn’t want the label of alcoholic or addict. I denied my addiction and my mental health for years. It was ingrained in me that this was for the weak.
Being in a program changed my perspective, we are strength in numbers. You wouldn’t go to war with one person, you go with an army. This is my army.
I found more comfort and friendships, with non normies, than I’ll ever find with the normies. In the end, I won
Day 814 for me. I try to read but feel that I lose connection. I read some posts or regularly read them. People asking how to stop drinking. I often think about that. What can I give as advice. Honestly, none. I was told to leave the first Glas undrunk. This was something completely ‘wtf, are you kidding me?’ None of this made sense. Being sober is not everything but without being sober everything is nothing (maybe wrong English). I could only understand what was said to me after many many days of sobriety. Giving up my arrogance, my ‘I already know how it works’. I had to hit my own rock bottom but I guess it could have been deeper down. I wanted to be dead but was so afraid of dying. I think I was also fed up and exhausted thinking only of this. Spending evening after evening puking, having eating binges… I really don’t know what I can give as advice as so many can do. I am grateful that I could accept that ‘I am powerless over alcohol’ (another empty phrase from the beginning for me).
Checking in, day 82. I’m exhausted, fell asleep in the middle of the day, I feel sick. I try not to think, but just get through the day in autopilot mode. My shrink told me some time ago, that I have a mid-life crisis (among other stuff). I was thinking about it today, and probably she is right (although the naming is a bit creepy, as I always considered myself young). I will read up on it, see if I find something useful on the topic.
@ICanAndWill thank you for your support, I truly appreciate it.
I am really needing some self care and rest. I feel like I’m starting to burn out abit (and I need to be on my game and aware when I’m working with my clients). Financially things are a struggle due to my own actions. But I just have to stick it out till pay day and then begin by make healthier choices. Anyway, I’m ok for today. Trying to remember to be grateful for what I DO have instead of dwelling on what I dont have. Thongs could ALWAYS be worse.