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@Weldershawn7 One day at a time is all we all can do friend. Congrats on 37, youāre well on your way.
@betterdays2come Yay you Sara! Most important day of all. Make it through today and you can make it through the next one too. Etc. Welcome here lady, glad to have you aboard.
@Bassanova Gefeliciteerd Bart! Triple digits is huge friend!
@Fury 8 Months already! Yay you Chris! On the the next milestones yes.
@BeckInReal Good to see you Beck! Letās do this!
@I.cant.We.can 90 days nicotine free is awesomee Brian. Big congrats.
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As an English teacher, I am loving this use of an adjective as a verb!
Thank u for the sentiment too. I do indeed sometimes blame myself for not doing things that make me feel better. I think one reason is I think I will never feel like I can do those things again if I donāt do them now. But by paying attention to natural peaks and troughs, I can accept there may be times that I donāt have the mental resources to do things, but those times will come again.
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Itās 0400 my time and I keep waking up all hours of the night then canāt fall back asleep. Iāve actually been up an hour already just reading through some feeds to help get sleepy again. But now Iām about to just stay awakeā¦
Anyways Iām at day 46 and for the past 3 days Iāve been fighting hardcore urges that last all damn day and that havenāt stopped for these past 3 days of wanting to do blow. Alcohol is technically my DOC and gateway to doing blow so this is weird to only be craving thisā¦ however, Itās actually quite ridiculous and Iām battling the should I do it or should I not. At least for the days that have passed Iāve chosen not too which is good but idk how much longer I can fight these urges. Iām getting worn down.
Iāve deep cleaned the house, Iāve binged shows, binged food, ran errands to get my mind off of it, baked treats for my gf and I, even baked for our friends who have covid and left it on their pourch to grab. Literally feel Iāve done most everything I can think of and now Iām here writing on the forum because idk what else to do. Please help.
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Well done Joy
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Hi Talking Sober Family
Its been a while since checking in. Been an interesting yearā¦been continously working on my recovery yet not able to remain completely sober which is my goal and I know the only way for me. On Day 6 today clean off alcohol and drugs. Feeling better already. Proud of myself first sober weekend in a while. Good day allā¦1 day at a time. Blessings.
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Not sharing much lately, struggling with my self esteem. but this I need to share. I feel so scared starting since a few days that I will not be able to stay sober / keep sobriety and that I will die because of it (not instantly butā¦ you know) Because on the other hand I am struggling with enormous physical pain, insomnia and guess a big depression behind all this. that my mind tries to convince that giving up on life and just drink a bit to feel at least a bit happy and with self esteem a moment a week or so. This mind game is screwing me over on a whole new level and I get scared. Feels like a whole new understanding of being powerless and scared has to open up to me and not sure whether I dare to let myself fall. because falling I will when I stop holding on. I work so hard every day with breathwork, meditation, walking, cold showers, meetings and to find a place in me that has self love enough to get me through. And I guess the realisation that I find nothing there behind all the hatefull self talk scares the shit out of me. How can I learn myself to feel the things I never learned growing up? Not sure if it helps putting it out here, but I need to do something. thank you for listening.
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Hey thanks! That is an interesting read. I guess I havenāt really thought about much behind the triggers or want Iām trying to numb as Iāve been trying to get ahold of the urge itself to control that part so I can have room to breath and evaluate the rest behind it. But maybe thatās the wrong avenue as nothing has really changed.
I know my old friends who I partied with are the ones with covid and tho I havenāt seen them or talked to any of them but one to let them know I was dropping off goodies since they were sick, is most definitely a trigger. They cause me a lot of memories of the past and maybe that didnāt help giving them stiff but Iām a very kind generous person who enjoys taking care of others as long as itās healthy for my own self as well. Now thinking maybe that wasnāt goodā¦lol
As for anything elseā¦ Iād say being cooped up all the days and not having any sober friends is truly a struggle. Iām very outgoing and extroverted so being home everyday, all day, is alone taking a toll on my soul. However trying to make the best of that.
I did comment on the āweight lossā thread about what my gf and I have been dealing with and maybe Iām just tired/drained emotionally which is making me have urges.
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Day 22
Holy relapse dreams, Batman!
Theyāre here and I slept awful but find comfort in coffee and the fact that itās another sign of emotional healing.
In this one I blacked out and woke up covered in the worst tattoos possible.
Last time I was sober for a year this was a common theme in my dreams. Definitely fears of irreparable damage from drinking are surfacing in the subconscious.
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Checking into day 7 feeling alittle calmer today, still taken it gentle and steady, I was doing na but Iām not ready to go back not BC of shame I know them all well but BC Iām not sure if itās the route I want to take as Iām aware of lots of other ways but Im not making no rash descion yet Iām just thinking about it. X
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Hey Maria.
I have tried to give up just using willpower, but found it impossible. It just wears you down in the end. The crafty little voice in your head finds a way eventually - at least in my experience.
This time I am reading a lot and trying to change my mindset and it is really helping. It feels a lot easier this time.
Do you think that could help?
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Day 385. Waking up say my gratitudes. Since I have gotten this tattoo I have alot of relapse dreams not sure what it could mean but it always leads to me saying I knew I shouldnāt of got this tattoo in my dream lol, but Iām still happy with it. Got some much needed chores done around the house yesterday staying after work today to do some bicep and shoulder work. Hope you all have a great day
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that absolutely can, and does, I am here every day and on days like this all day. you are right about the willpower not working. In the past when I was sober for years, it had nothing to do with will power I made the desicion out of longing for a different life (health) and that was it. This time around every time when in shadow work or meditation I come upon the core of my past trauma and the feelings behind it I instantly like bounce back and my head takes over, and then you are lost in the sneaky talk of the brain. Maybe the way is to learn to trust that some kind of self love or acceptance will come, but not by my doing but my HPās? Accepting the being powerless in that department? does that make any sense? thank you
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Have you tried reading outside of here? āQuit litā as some people call it. I didnāt know it existed until about six weeks ago, but it has completely changed my experience this time.
I also listen to a lot of podcasts. Could they help?
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Congrats on the tripple digits sir
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This one made an impact on me. Could maybe do the same for you.
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Yes, sure did in the past, as I am a nerd I read tons of books ;). have trouble reading at the moment due to a neurological condition and to much worrying I can not focus, but what was the ābestā one for you?
I was actually now going through some recovery dharma pod casts
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Hey Maria. I had a really hard time with negative self talkā¦worrying, anxiety, low self esteem. I was seriously so against taking any medicineā¦but I kept getting worse and worse and no matter how much I prayed or ask for help it would get worse. But I fell even deeper into a depression and would sleep for days and days and not go to work. Finally I said ok Iāll try some medicine, they gave me laxepro and straterra for my ADHD. None of these are controlled substances and seriously pulled me out of the funk, I donāt hate my self anymore, I can talk to ppl better and feel confident and I love myself again.
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