congrats on the mod thing. I believe you will do a great job
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Holy shit! I almost missed this post! Way to go Sis!
Btwā¦ I really missed you while you were gone.
Congratulations on 18 months @C_8!!
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Thank you Sis!!
I may wander off now and thenā¦ but I always come back. Canāt get rid of me that easily.
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I hear youā¦ work seems to help me, but everyone is different. Iāve tried everything over the years, and lady year I broke down and agreed to try antidepressants after overdosing on sleeping pills and alcohol. Iāve tried them many, many times before, but they never did anything for me. This time Iām on some wild concoction that seems to be working miracles. I knew when I made the decision, it was a decision for the rest of my life.
I wish I could take the pain away, because Iāve been there, lived in that depression until I got out of the hospital on May 28th last year. And definitely give the scuba diving idea a try 
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I also missed it! Big congratulations!
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Patty. You look stunning 
and you got that sober confidence thing going. It really warms my heart.
Bless you 
you wonderful lady. And your dear friend.
And congratulations on your 1206 days. I always go right by your numbers because they are just so large 
I cannot fathom it.
Edit: I donāt have to 
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- I relapsed on checking my phone when I wake up in the middle of the night. I shouldnāt as I was riled up about something I read and couldnāt go back to sleep. On the other hand I do feel OK and I got to see the sun come up. And got a good long day ahead where I can do some useful stuff. Or do nothing. Itās my holidays after all.
One thing Iām pretty sure of is it will be a sober and clean day today. Drinking and drugging is no longer part of my life and I like it so much better so. One day at a time. Have as good a weekend as you all can friend. Love from Noord Holland where I had a pretty long ride yesterday. Hereās some cows I met.
Edit: wasnāt meant to be a response to @Dazercat but thatās fine. Hi Eric!
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Enjoy your Holiday.
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Checking in after one Day with relapse. Feel bad with my self today. I can defenitly not drink. Going to start to write everyday about my day(for my self) to stay focus. And on hard days I Will gi Back and read about today, see how bad I feelt, so I dont pick up that bottle again.
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Iām glad youāre here Wakikki. Glad you are sober too. One day at a time as it is for all of us. I cannot drink just like you, but I have gotten to a point where I donāt want to drink either. I know the consequences of drinking. I donāt want that. Once I fully realized that, it became a lot easier not to drink. Success friend. Together we can do this.
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Morning everyone 75 days for me today and feeling great. I have 3 grown up beautiful daughters who are going to see their dad today for the first time in a year. Heās met someone new and they donāt like her - heās changed at lot and has become very distant with them not just coz of covid. Anyway I feel great that Iām in a position to help and listen rather than add to their worries when they knew I was drinking too much . I never want to go back to that.
Have a great day everyone x
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Lots of them! Thatās cool, Menno. 
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I ended up drinking last night. Canāt believe it. What an idiot. Back to square 1.
I was totally off the starting blocks this time so this was a major f up.
I know you are all gonna say go to AA but I really hate it. I agree with holly whitiker it just feels very male oriented (I know there are female only meetings but the point is more the philosophy).
I know why this happened. Its why it always happens. Things started to feel GOOD! So i suddenly started making plans to actually change my life. And that got far too f-ing scary so I had to go and nip that all in the bud by getting wasted.
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Iām here, Iām alive and Iām sober.
Day 237
I promised you guys an episode of Gypsy Galore a few days ago. Unfortunately it came some things in between so I didnāt have the time to check in. But now I do.
But first a quick current situation update.
My hair: As you guys might noticed yesterday I bought a cheap haircolor at the Dollarstore because I needed a touch up and didnāt exactly had the money to pay the hairdresser. The color turned out good, but I was left with a tangle worthy of Ronia the robbers daughter. I called my local hairdresser, she recommended a haircut. That aināt gonna happen, not after last years (well actually itās two years ago in December) crazy shaved pixie. So I did what every girl would have done. I called my aunt, she had her own salon for years when I was a kid, and nowdays sheās a teacher at the beauty/hairdresser academy. After an hours lesson about how stupid it was to buy a cheap haircolor product like that and color my own hair at home. She recommended a few products and hairmasks, sheās also leaving some other things for me next time sheās around. She lives like 3h one way ride from me. And she made me promise that Iāll go to the academy next time I want to change color or hairstyle. A decent priced for actually being able to brush my hair again.
Thursday when I promised you guys a Gypsy Galore updated, I had to go and help the lady weāre helping to pack and clean out her house. Itās supposed to be done at May 1st as you know. And yesterday my husband was helping the lady, and we invited her to our house for dinner. Iām having a hard time accepting that sheās all alone in the middle of nowhere, with no signal for her phone or anything. She decided that she wanted to drink a few drinks and stay over night so she did.
Weāve known her and her husband for years theyāre like a second pair of grandparents for the boys. Her husband passed away from Covid-19 in December as you guys now. And thatās why sheās moving out of her house, and into an apartment in another village. Unfortunately itās a lot to do in their house because itās like an episode of hordes. Anyway before she even had one drink she started to talk, a lot, sheās originally from Norway and the older she gets the more Norwegian she speaks, so sometimes itās hard to understand because she talks really fast to.
Yesterday she talked a lot, and more than I ever heard her talk before, despite all the years weāve know them. She talked about her life, her stories are absolutely amazing. Sheās been a Sailor on big tanker ships (Not sure itās the right word but those kind of ships that have cargoes of oil and chemicals) before she met her husband, and I loved listening to them, the boys loved to listen as well. After a while the boys went to bed and she started to pour some drinks and the conversation as it sometimes does when people feels relaxed and had a little to drink, got deeper. And the lady started to talk about her life with her husband. She said she missed him, and was sad that he was gone. But at the same time she hadnāt felt this free for a long time, I think they where married about 50 years before he passed away. And she started to tell a story about constant abuse, and that her husband for example had broken her jaw at least three times during all those years. She didnāt have that much to drink, and Iām not doubting the truth in her story. But it bugs me that she never told us before, that I wasnāt able to see any signs and that I couldnāt save her in anyway from living in that until he passed away. I couldnāt stop thinking about it, and I had a really hard time to sleep. The lady left early this morning, I wish I could talk some more to her about it, but I donāt know how to even bring it up again.
I hope you guys have an awesome Saturday, this turned out longer than expected so Iām doing another post with Gypsy Galore a little later. I just have to go to the store first, we ordered bread I forgot to pick up yesterday, and the kids needs some Saturday Candy.
Make the popcorns ready and the latest chapter of Gypsy Galore will be here in a few hours.
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You gotta be brave and make and accept those good changes! I have found peace with aa but have u tried recovery dharma, smart recovery, etc?
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Thank you. I donāt feel very brave. Thatās why I called myself big bear. Thought it might help 
Really Iām a tiny mouse.
Iām stuck between wanting things to change and being too afraid of it.
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Indeed you might give other recovery groups a try. Dharma and SMART the first ones coming to mind. For me, after the initial months where I went to NA a lot, this place has been my go to. While working on some deeper issues in therapy. For me itās the perfect combination. There are more ways to lasting sobriety. They all involve gaining (self)knowledge and togetherness. You can do this Bigbear. Big bear hugs to you.
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Wow, thank you. The kindness in this community is just so touching.
OK let me try dharma and smart.
I suppose one and then the other.
Iām not very smart so I will start with dharma. They gotta except all sorts right?!
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