@Conor689908 well I made up some rubbish about how my nephew had been playing on zoom. Then I spent the rest of the meeting not listening and worrying instead. Then I realised I was lucky I hadn’t called myself boozehound!!!
@Mno you always have beautiful places!
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Day 3 - 5.56pm
2nd check in.
My day went as follows - two failed meetings. Both resulted in the outcome being, me being signed into classes for yoga , a naturopath, acupuncture… As predicted, no one out here in the real world is listening to me when I say I need help. I dont need yoga or a naturopath. I need professional meth addiction specialist or just professionals really at this point… I have another place I’m going to try tomorrow. If one more person mentions yoga to me I will loose my mind lol… So the rest of my day has gone as follows- two coffees (shouldn’t have coz my anxiety was already at 100 lol ) , 3 chocolate bars, frozen pizza, about to contemplate ordering tacobell 
oh and I’m now watching the devil wears prada its a sloth day. But I’m clean so thats a win 
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Det gör jag inte, men jag har hopp om att det blir bättre. Och jag vet att det har varit värre, så nan tar sig igenom och tar sig framåt ändå.
Hoppas allt är bra med dig raring 
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What she said ^
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Day 241
I’m here, I’m alive and I’m sober.
And I’m thinking about giving up,and just screw everything.
I don’t know what to do or what way to turn anymore, because every time I turn somewhere disaster appears. I usually have the mindset that it’s getting better, it’s already better than It used to be. And that it’s only bad moments, not bad days, bad years or a bad life.
Unfortunately I think I need a new dose of that mindset because it doesn’t work.
This morning I was supposed to meet up with my Pa, going to the farmers market Square day in our village and have some lunch.
About an hour before he’s supposed to be here my Ma calls. Before I proceed I want to add that she’s a nurse, a hard headed nurse. If I would have got home with my head under my arm as a kid, she would have recommended two painkillers and a glass of water. On that level. She almost never gets worried. But she was today, apparently my Pa has been hospitalized since Friday. With severe Kidney failure, he’s really ill. Today they are going to put him on new meds to see if that helps.
I talked with my brother last weekend, he didn’t say anything about it. No one told me until today because they didn’t want to worry me. We can’t go there either because of Covid-19.
I know he’s old, but that doesn’t really helps. I’m still worried, my Ma is worried and that makes me even more worried about them.
And just to add some salt, tweenie just made s post on Facebook, using the schools computer to get online which they aren’t allowed to. So her teacher called (again) but that wasn’t the big thing. Before she went to school today she said that she was going with a teacher to the social service to talk to them again today. And the post was about that no one cares about her, and that all we do is making her behave worse and be Evil because we don’t understand her. Deep inside she’s an angel. (That might be true though she’s just a kid, and have a lot to work on)
Her Ma responded to the post, with a public response throwing all the shit she could on us, and wrote that tweenie shouldn’t worry, because soon before she knows it she’ll be back home in the care of her loving mother who’s always been there for her again.
I can tell they’re upto something, I’m just not sure what yet. I do think that they will create a bigger catastrophic event than it already is. And I think whatever they’re planning has something to do with tweenie taking her teacher with her to the social service today.
Once again, what a heck did I do to become a target for all the bad energy in the world?
I try to be a good human being help people, eat my veggies, take care of my kids, and aim for the lifestyle I wished for all my life. Why can’t the universe just cooperate, at least for a while?
Or is this just the way life is for most people, and it’s me being extra sensitive?
I don’t know, but no matter what it still sucks.
I hope everyones day is a lot better than mine.
Thanks for being here y’all 
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None of it is your fault. You try hard to make everything work out for everyone …
As they say … “ it’s on them”. I know that’s not much consolation to you. I know it all makes you feel crummy.
Certainly do not let it make you lose your sobriety. That’s something big and wonderful for you. Don’t throw it away, please.
I’m thinking good thoughts for your father. I’m hoping that he will soon be on the road to recovery. To a full recovery.
So hard for you not to be able to go there. Concentrate your thoughts on him.
Also think of yourself and some good things that you can do for you.
You need to try to center yourself, comfort yourself, strengthen yourself, with all these assaults around. Hopefully the universe will get more cooperative. Hugs.
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Im not doing good. I fell really hard. I loved how I felt not drinking. I felt more happy, present, energy rising. Dont know why I did not stick with it and kept going. I feel I have No motivation, No strength. All I do is complaine about how bad I feel and how disapointet I am with my self. And, only one that can fix this and do something about it, is me! Whats wrong with me??
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My current lack of anxiety is the thing above all else that is keeping me sober. My tricky alcoholic voice gets so far in its sneaky conversation but it can’t get past the lack of anxiety. Stick with it. It gets better.
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What happened? I’m sorry you are feeling so down. Keep checking in.
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That is odd, @apes2020. While yoga is awesome and helpful, they should be able to provide you with an addiction counselor. I’m glad you are staying on top of them. I’m rooting for you, and the Devil Wears Prada never gets old!
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I Just fell off and kept going with the drinking. Hate my self for this. I was doing really good not and I dont know what happend. And thinking of how I feelt not drinking, I dont understand why I did, again.
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Day 233: Another beauty of a day yesterday, another day sitting with emotions about TS fam and the struggles people share here. This life is not easy at times and it can be hard to be witness to suffering in addiction, mental health issues, and their intersection. I remain grateful for my sobriety, the unwavering support of my loved ones and support network, my acceptance of my addictions and my willingness to work hard for a better life everyday. That means not every day will be beautiful or even pleasant, but it’s all worth it to live a life in the full range of human emotions and experiences. I get one life. It’s abundantly clear to me lately, and I don’t want to waste it numbing myself anymore, hiding from things, avoiding the hard bits, and afraid of what might happen. I want to live a wholehearted life.
Big love, amigos. 
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Well you are back! I’m sorry you slipped. Are you going to any sobriety focused meetings? Glad you came back to check in. We are all here to offer support and guidance.
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Hear hear, beautifully put.
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Thank you, lady. I was struggling with some of this last night but this is a bit of my journal actually - it always helps me to write it out and process my thoughts.
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Thank you for this. You have no idea how much I needed your post today. I hope you’ll have a wonderful day. I’ll try to see things your way, but today it’s definitely hard.
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Thank you so much I needed this. I’ll try to focus on something else besides all the problems. Maybe that helps, or at least make it feel better.
I really hope it’ll turn soon.
Have a wonderful day,and once again thank you for your encouragement
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Sending big warm sober hugs, Sophia! You’re a strong lady, even if life makes you feel like your knees buckle at times, you can sit for a while and stand up strong again. Keep on living life, you’re doing a great job.
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Thank you dear maybe that’s what I should do. Take the moment to rest while I’m down, figure out a plan and then rise. I like that. 
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I am sorry u are going thru all this. I especially hope ur dad’s health improves.
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