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@Ukaddict great photos! Congrats on 2 weeks 
@Fnkychic congrats on 3 weeks
@Steve92 congrats on quadruple digits 
@Pickles congrats on 90 days
@Squirt good luck for your first day tomorrow 
@Dazercat have a great holiday 
266 days no alcohol.
234 days no cocaine.
3 days no binge-eating.
234 is a very powerful number for me, I saw it all the time in the dark depths of active addiction, so much so that I did research to find out itās spiritual meaning. It has to do with messages from the angels, archangels, and ascended masters. It made me feel connected to a higher power for sure. Itās great to be 234 days the other side of the gates (of hell), and Iām feeling grateful to those messengers for guiding me towards the light 
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So true Fleur. So true.
Iām glad that romanticizing is happening less and less with me now. But it use to happen a lot early on. Not urges mind you. Just romanticizing.
Great job shutting that down 
I hope yāall get to go someplace nice for a bit.
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LOVE THIS!!!
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Checking in . 388 and feeling great.
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Day 70, already starting to go through the justification for using phase, fantasizing about using 
This is exactly the time iād like to do some mega distraction such as long bike rides every day, or going away on holsā¦ Both kinda out of reach atm. Maybe iām making excuses. I canāt use tho. Got to at least get a longer day count than last time, so min 60 more days to go. Seems a long way off. Maybe I just need more sleep and less dreams
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Donāt limit yourself. Its a daily job. You know this. Donāt say āminā days to go. You have an infinite amount of days ahead in this life. You will get well beyond your last day count. Donāt think about it . just stay busy and keep your routine solid. You wonāt use. I believe in you 
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Day 9.
Rain and raindrops on my window. Sunrise. And coffee watching the autumn/fall leaves out my window 
Iām booked in for pilates at 8.45am. Then I have my first meeting at my out patient program at 11amā¦ I feel good today. No anxiety. No urges to use. The out patient program goes for four months from today. Which means from today I will be drug tested weekly and also at random which is brilliant for accountability. The program is 4 days a week plus zoom meetings , plus other one on one meetings. Plus Iāve been referred to external NA group meetingsā¦so, its all happening guys! Iām finally moving forward and getting the professional assistance needed to keep this demon out of my life for good
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Beyond excited for you, @apes2020! The IOP you are doing is way more intensive then mine was. I found a lot of value in my group sessions. Also, the NA meetings will be huge. Keep trying different groups/locations if you feel like you need to. You will find a good fit, and sober community/support local is going to be a big help.
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My boss is on vacation too this week. I agree itās always nice to be left alone to do the work. I get more done when he is not always wanting to work on some programming together; usually itās me watching him stumble through it while I cringe and think to myself just let me do the programming and you feed me the specs! Lol to be positive about it, it does build my patience.
Bye for nowā¦
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Good for you! Itās great you are taking steps to make a real change!
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- This last week has been madness. We buried my Uncle today. But on top of that my Mom was taken by ambulance to the hospital this morning because she had high BP and irregular heartbeat thank the Lord it wasnāt a heart attack. Not that all of that wasnāt enough to process for the first time since Iāve gotten sober which is 3 years I encountered drugs. I got to my cousins house to set up for the luncheon after the funeral and I parked in her driveway opened my car door and there on the ground was an unopened suboxone. Yes, I picked it up and my mind flooded with all kinds of things. I was mostly scared because I know the addict in me. But, I just wanted to get rid of it but I couldnāt get into my cousins to flush it and no one was there but me I couldāve easily taken it and no one would have ever known or found out. I immediately reached out and @DougM talked me through it and I was able to dispose of it in the mud. I am so grateful that Doug was there for me today because I was scared. Thank you Doug. Iāve made it a point to stay away from all that crap. It wouldnāt have been that big of deal but I used them before and know how to get high off of them. I am happy to say I made it through the day and Iām 1216 days clean and sober! My sister arrived shortly after I got rid of it and I told her so I could make myself accountable for what had happened because it easily could have led me to a relapse. On another note Iām putting a bid on a house tomorrow
!!
Congrats to everyone with milestones. Keep up the good work I know it can be hard! I am grateful for all of you. Have a wonderful night TS fam
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Wow 
congratulations 1000 days is amazing. 
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See? The silver lining. My boss is retiring next February. It will REALLY change the dynamics of the department. She plays favorites of which im not one!! 
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Just got home From day one at OTP ( out patient treatment program) Iām just going to type OTP from here on.
I talked for an entire hour and a half. It was a complete unloading of my entire head/mind/brain. Past and present.
Iām beyond happy that ive found this place. Iām really looking forward to the next four months.
Lifes good
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Day 308.
Not bad for a Monday, but arenāt they all a lot smoother sans hangover? I truly donāt know how I used to do it. My mind wandered today in a zoom meeting (after other participants recounted their weekends and drinks, etc), and I had to chuckle at just how much effort I gave moderation. I should have acknowledged ānot much of a future hereā like we all did with me and piano lessons, or withdrawn from it as fast as I did calculus, or - gak - the ālearn to knit in a weekendā course a few years ago. (I dropped a stitch and never went back.) Ah, well - better late than never - the wine glass has finally gone the way of the knitting needles (and math text, and piano scales) - and I can get on with a life well lived!
So, friends - letās call it a day, and give this sobriety thing our full selves again tomorrrow, hey? Sure beats the alternative. 
Gānight all. 
Iām excited for you to start your program, @Apes2020 - thatās great news. I hope you donāt forget about us, but Iāll understand if youāre around here a little less!
And @Complicatedmama - well done on averting a relapse! Condolences to you, again. Happy house buying! Lots going on in your world.
@Squirt congrats on your first day on the job tomorrow! Canāt wait to hear all about it. And you too on all the big life school-and-work changes, @Rockstar24777!
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