Catching up on thread been overly busy not enough time in day now I am sober, two jobs, going gym now its open, couple of river swims as well. Never would have done if I had been drinking, never. So grateful for that. Loving sobriety and in a really positive phase.
Got an interview next week for a permanent role , housing sustainment lead, this would mean could go back to 1 job which I aim for but I will be so upset to leave my homeless job. But similar sector. What will be will be.
Realised I blamed alcohol on my negative personality traits; anger issues, so impatient, over sensitive, intolerant the list goes on but also caring and empthaty, I really don’t know what my personalty is, I am such a mixed bag… going to doctors to see if I can get any help, as doing so much work like TS, meditations, journalling, swimming,which help but feel I need some professional guidance or something. Next important step for me. Never got to this stage.
Congratulations to all that hit milestones, to all that have ticked another sober day… have an amazing day all
Thank you for all your wisdom and insight helps so much. for some reason got emotional with this check in…
Good morning and well done for taking some extra steps to support you in recovery. You’ve already taken great ones and built in new habits. Be proud of that! With guidance you will continue to make progress. Good luck with the interview next week.
I’ve kept up with river swimming too. Thank you for the encouragement to do that!
But there must have been a reason you stopped? I felt miserable all. Say, wanted to die every single day. Since then my life took not a straight, all happy road, most of the time I think, noooo Franzi, still lesson not learned. Job decline, no friends atm, no partner. But I don’t want to die everyday.
Coffee. Well rested. Feeling good after 90 minutes on the elliptical yesterday. I’m going back to my group therapy today. Both looking forward to it and dreading it. In the past there was only dread, so that’s gain right? Small steps. Forty years of hiding in drugs and booze aren’t undone in a day. A lifetime of trusting no one, not even myself, neither. I’ve got work to do. But it’s a work of love and I love to do it. Have as good a day as you all can friends. Sober and clean. Love from Amsterdam where waking up to this sight already gave me a good start.
Day 7 of sobriety down yesterday. Onto day 8 today. Having some powerful realisations about emotional work now I’m sober enough to feel and explore my feelings. All down to the amazing people here! And my wife. And my best mate who is on this road with me. It’s hard not to feel like I’ve got it in the bag (the trap that got me sooo many times before)…I’m wondering about the difference between confidence/determination and complacency?? Regardless, I’m still here, still checking in, and still keen to learn and improve. Hope everyone has a happy, sober day
Challenging living one day at a time. Tomorrow, when I finish work, I start vacation. The biggest wild card on when I get out tomorrow: my Assitant manager who is an addict/alcoholic. I find myself stressing about what her behavior will be like. Simple fact, I cannot control that. So, I will control what I can control and accept what I cannot.
One day at a time and all of a sudden you’ll be amazed how quickly you got back there but for today just take it easy and enjoy the journey. Well done on your 4 days and the will to get them back.
Hmm could be. But what if the confidence I feel now (from an experienced member of the sober community) is legit cuz this is the time I actually smash it? Maybe this time is different and so the confidence is valid without experience?
But I think you’re right! in that ALL my thousands of experiences of relapsing have lead me to this legit confidence. Time will tell I suppose
Hi all, checking in on day 16.
Doing and feeling well.
At the moment I’m so much preoccupied with my health and reflecting and contemplating on my thoughts and feelings that I neglect a bit of my work. I needed to give that self care more space, but I also have a job. So I put my mind in a work modus and read you all later.
Not feeling the best today. Doing online classes is nice because I don’t have to rush in the morning and do the long commute, but I do not have enough innate energy to power doing online classes. I realise I really get a lot of energy from being in front of the students. When it is just a computer screen I really don’t feel the same sense of motivation. So professionally not great. And my husband is really taking me for granted I feel. Every night he just eats his dinner, then goes and watches YT. I know he has the right to do what he wants when he comes home from work. But I feel like a piece of furniture.
Being a student or a teacher in this era is the worst. But to help you get motivated, maybe you could think about one student you particularly like, one student really interested, and try to do your class for him or her ?
Maybe you could try and discuss it with your husband ? Maybe he does not know you feel this way ? Maybe you could suggest a movie you like watching together for tonight ?
That is a good idea about focusing on one student.
It has literally been years since we watched a movie together. There isn’t enough time between the kids going to bed and us wanting to sleep too to watch much of anything together. Our media consumption is also separate because he prefers it in Japanese I prefer in English.
Checking in as I close in on a milestone I have not seen in over 25 years. I looked at my calendar last night, and F word if I didn’t rsvp to an after hours event. I always think, yeah, I totally want to go. Then the day comes and I’m like damn. I gotta get in my car and go somewhere? With people? Plus, the nerve damage has been acting up like a mofo these past few weeks. Walking and standing in heels seems to aggravate it. Not regular office stuff, but when I have to tour sites with clients there is lots of standing and walking. I’m too stubborn to give up heels. I’d actually rather go through the excruciating pain of full body, face/neck to toes intense cramping, than to wear flats. Plus flats just make my back hurt. Man my body is a mess! It’s all good haha. I’ll just be over here screaming in agony just so I can feel fancy
for some reason got emotional with this check in…
?
Plus, the nerve damage has been acting up like a mofo these past few weeks. Walking and standing in heels seems to aggravate it. Not regular office stuff, but when I have to tour sites with clients there is lots of standing and walking. I’m too stubborn to give up heels. I’d actually rather go through the excruciating pain of full body, face/neck to toes intense cramping, than to wear flats. Plus flats just make my back hurt. Man my body is a mess! It’s all good haha. I’ll just be over here screaming in agony just so I can feel fancy 
