I won’t drink because I don’t drink and because of my love for myself and all of you here. I might be wobbly but I’m determined not to fall. I will distract myself as much as possible but really want to learn where this is even coming from. Like my pal @Nordique noted it’s unsettling because all seems to be going well.
13 Likes
@Its_me_Stella and @Squirt I wanna join in on that kind of a road trip too!!! I can definitely sing off-key 
6 Likes
When I drank willing to stop, there was beer in my fridge. Bought it without thinking.
So It does’nt sound strange you asking yourself how it could happen.
But thanks for jumping back on the wagon again. It shows hope for me and others that if you jumped off, you can climb back on the wagon again and there are so many loving people on here to welcome you back, without judging 
Stay strong @Wakikki
2 Likes
Checking in at the end of day 8. Strength to strength, able to overcome any wobbles in mood by staying focused and grateful.
Ran 20km, swam 10km, walked 5km. Ate and drank well. Early night… bliss!
14 Likes
@Phoenixfighter congrats on your month 
@Truckinmonster21 congrats on double digits
@Hopeful777 good luck for the interview and for the doctors appointment 
@Best_Me congrats on your week it’s great that you’ve got a supportive partner and best friend on this journey 
@Thirdmonkey enjoy your vacation
@zzz congrats on your week
@Rockstar24777 hope your first day goes well
283 days no alcohol.
251 days no cocaine.
More anxiety dreams last night, these ones featured some of my high school bullies. I woke myself up trying to standing up to them. These periods of nightmares remind me that I’ve had a lot of trauma in my life so far, I’ve tried every kind of therapy available but none of it has ever dug deep enough to actually work through anything apart from my ongoing depression and anxiety, and fails to improve any of that either. Presently I just feel very numb, which I much prefer to feeling suicidal everyday.
Had ED therapy today, the therapist was amazed at how well I’ve done since our last session, but kept saying she felt like she was having a party for one because I didn’t seem to recognise it. I later shared this with a friend and she said she often feels like this with me and that the therapist verbalised it perfectly, because I’m never pleased with myself. I personally think this is the addict ‘all or nothing’ mentality, because I can appreciate that yes I have stuck to the plan and eaten every 3 hours including 3 proper meals, but until I’m a healthy weight, which it feels like will never happen whilst eating like this, I won’t be happy with myself. I however pointed out that though this may be true in most areas, it definitely isn’t in regards to sobriety, which continues to feel like a miracle every single day 
I’m really craving some more spring-like days, it’s dull and cold and that never helps my low moods.
27 Likes
Great stuff Mike! All we really have is today. Set right the mistakes from yesterday as best you can and move on. We addicts are human and make all sorts of mistakes. I haven’t met one yet that has had a completely linear recovery. Your HP was there all along, it’s just about getting back in touch with it.
3 Likes
Checking in on day 35!
Congrats on 5 weeks @Beforemy30s, we got this 
Did some journaling today. I used to keep a diary as a teenager and I love to write, but I haven’t journaled regularely for a decade.
It really helps to put things into words - it almost seems like the thoughts stop racing in my head once I have written them down. I wrote like 10 pages about how my depressed-ass brain keeps painting a devastating picture of the future and I was so calm when I finished. Was able to work in peace, not a single thought about dying alone crossed my mind. One more powerful tool for my toolbox 
@Squirt I love to nickname things, but haven’t been able to think of one for my addiction … I love beer bitch! Might going to steel that. Calling things by their names makes them less scary.
I’m sorry you’re having a bad day, milestones are the worst … I don’t have any reading material to recommend, but one of the mantras I go by is “alcoholism is the only disease that tries to convince you you don’t have it”. This too shall pass 
also, I hear there is icecream when one passes that milestone 
20 Likes
Checking in at 3 1/2 days. Feel ok. Just so tired. Still no appetite and losing weight like crazy. I didn’t realize vodka put so much weight on lol. Headed to a meeting today to get my 24hr chip, then getting my car cleaned and picking up dinner. Right now I need anything and everything to get me through each day.
I read through all the comments and posts and it continues to give me hope and encouragement so thank you all! Be checking in later. Much love 
21 Likes
Hi! Just finished Bible school class after a busy workday. I am waiting for the train to my hometown, gonna arrive at 22.00, so will be walking like a zombie. Tired but feeling content and happy. 
12 Likes
Checking in on 504.
Root canal? Not so bad.
I’ve had worse with crowns 
Too bad I got to go back again but I can handle it. My endodontist was so nice and caring. And with my hangover free, clear head it was pretty cool watching him show me all the tech stuff of the 3D imaging of my mouth and the whole in my face skull from the infection 
I even mentioned I got 504 days AF when we talked about blood pressure and he told me he’s got 12 years sober. How cool is that? So we chatted about sobriety just a bit. That was also cool.
It’s funny, or kind of dumb really, all the dramatic build up my drinking mind use to put in my head. Like the night before a procedure like this. I am so much better off and healthier sober. And I’m grateful for that.
I’m trying to think what problem did drinking ever fix?
I got nothing.
Keep sobering on folks. You’re all worth it.
I know I am
26 Likes
Noice!!
Suggestions for pre milestone, since you asked. I just keep sticking with my gratitude. It’s my strongest tool. Each morning now I’ve already got my mind trained about what I want to list on the gratitude thread before I even get on the app. It’s now the first thing that pops into my mind in the morning. I’ve had milestone struggles but not the 1 year milestone. My 9 months was a real bitch. The 1 year milestone I coasted in with gratitude and pride. My booze can just fuck right off!!
And you’re going to coast in too with pride and gratitude.
7 Likes
Bam 
You already got 25 days!! Great job Matt!!
Way to go!
Sorry work sucks. Hopefully it’ll get better real soon.
4 Likes
Great job! Keep it up! And drink lots of water. You are doing Great 
1 Like
Thank you! Same to you! Looks like we’re on the same course. Let’s do this! 
1 Like
Yess!!
Day 5 and my parents are within an hour of arriving! So super excited but also exhausted and headachy. Bit of a tiff with my husband last night and I think he is finally accepting that I cannot and do not want to drink. It will all be fine soon.
29 Likes
I went roller skating for the third time with family. It’s starting to become a weekly thing. Although, my daughter took a fall and hurt her arm, she seems to be healing well and plans to come again next week.
My wife caught me on a conference call with Blazing Grace, a Christian forum for porn addiction. She thought I stopped posting on that site. But I didn’t tell her that I started again and that I became one of the admins on the site. Hence the conference call early this morning. She was not happy about that. She thinks that these forums are triggering for me. I don’t think so. But me and my “nice guy” self chooses to avoid the conflict by keeping a secret from her. The talk we had was productive. I admit that I’m a liar.
20 Likes
- So my Assitant manager sounds to have hit rock bottom. Pulling a double today, not getting out at noon tomorrow…3 if I am lucky. So Vacation will not start until then.
I am greatful. I once hit rock bottom. My alcoholism once held others hostage. What she is going through is a reminder of why I quit drinking. I pray, even tho that has fallen out favor here, that with her hitting rock bottom she finally opens herself up to get help. If you are the praying type, please say one for her.
26 Likes
Checking in on day 40
18 Likes