Day 80 Meth. Struggling pretty bad this last week or two. Can’t get it off my mind. Haven’t been to a meeting in a week or so either. Feel like a fraud going to them as deep down I don’t think i’m done with this drug. Same reason I haven’t got a sponsor. Maybe I don’t want it enough yet. But I’m here for a reason right, just can’t really remember how I felt after using. Anyway, that’s another day done. Jeeeeez haha, hope you all are keeping well, coasting through
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@Mbwoman congrats on 70 days 
@Charlie_C congrats on 180 days
@JB.5280 must have missed your post but it seems you’ve hit 180 too, congrats
@AmandaU welcome and congrats on 32 days lots of support here, read lots, keep checking in 
@FeelingBetter congrats on 6 months
@Joy congrats on 650 smoke-free days
@Bassanova congrats on 6 months
@Best_Me welcome and congrats on 2 days
@Sanuk congrats on double digits
@Nordique congrats on 11 months
277 days no alcohol.
245 days no cocaine.
Had my T-shot this morning, have felt great since, nurse didn’t have time to do my bloods to check my levels, so it has to wait until the next shot in 9 weeks time, nevermind.
Had my second therapy session and it really is heavy stuff receiving feedback from a professional about how disordered my eating behaviours are, along with my thoughts around food. I was honest and admitted I favoured the idea of restricting because I have gained half a stone this week since eating the ready meals at night, but she reiterated that it’s non-negotiable that I do not diet. I now have to work towards eating 3 main meals and 3 snacks per day and I’m not allowed to purge else each time I do, I have to eat again. It’s so overwhelming to think of eating all that food but I really want to get better so I will be making small changes to work towards it. Today I walked to Tesco and bought a toaster, and the ingredients to make beans on toast for breakfast every day for a week to see how that goes. Hopefully this will stop my 7:30am binges. I will stock up on ready meals for the evenings when I go back to collect my glasses on Sunday, I’m excited to get those! 
I had the most realistic dream of drinking last night, I can’t remember much about it now, but I do remember that I didn’t really think about it until it dawned on me after the fact, and that really scares me, though I don’t think there’s any risk of that happening, I can’t forsee myself being in any situations where drinking wouldn’t be a conscious decision.
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Yeah thanks for asking, I was in that kind of moment when I’m looking for ways to feel better so wanted to post something, but at the same time I got bored and pissed at being on my phone again. Those things are so time and attention-consuming it’s annoying.
But yeah well, checking in day 242 or 243.
Up and down with more down than up, but on the long run I guess I am still going upper.
One day at a time.
How are you?
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Better late than never.
Congratulations on your 6 months Charlie.
That’s great work. And well all see how hard you’re working it. Checking in every night after your meetings. We can all see it’s paying off and you’re so worth it.
Keep it up my friend and have a great vacation. Maybe you could miss place the laptop for a day or so. You’ve earned it.
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Congrats on 80 days Rich. Now get your ass over to a meeting right now will you! The reason to go to meetings is to remember why you don’t use no more. To share about your journey, including your stuggles. To be together with you peers and find strength in each other. Nothing fraudulent about that at all. Stay clean friend. Go to a meeting. Get help.
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Way to go!! On your 6 months Jean
@FeelingBetter. That’s a great milestone to have under your belt. Half a year. Good for you.
And @Nordique almost getting ready for the 1 year club. How fucking great is that? I know some people have struggled getting to that year. But personally I didn’t. I couldn’t wait to get the one year in. And I felt pretty confident getting there. I pray the same goes for you knocking out one day at a time to get your 1 year birthday. I too enjoyed most of Russell Brands book. I like his philosophy and style during the beginning. Got a little bored at the end. But worth the read. I hope you enjoy.
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For those that are following,
Job #3 looking up, they are just waiting on my background to come back and hopefully I’ll start next week.
A lot of people say working 2 jobs is too much for a sober person, but I digress, I have a plan to get me back on track and it involves working more and making more money,
My sponsor once said finance and romance will be the first to take you out, well I can fix the finance part by increasing income. At least for a little while anyways, till I have enough to get myself comfortable and settled
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Checking in substance free for…
503 days.
I have had worse days that is for sure…
I am sitting in the sun writing out my step 7 listening to tunes. It’s beautiful, where I am today compared to where I was 5 years ago…fuck I seriously can not believe I am alive. I caught a glimpse of my leg and then that made my gaze lift to my arms.
I get so used to seeing my scars that they don’t really register but recently I have been pretty insecure about them, when I have been having massages or like yesterday when I was having my pedicure.
My arms are bad…
I decided to get tattooed to have the scars covered, unfortunately I ended up cutting through my tattoos. Now I have fucked up scarred tattoos, a very clear memory of how much pain I was in for a very long time. I have thought about having my tattoos fixed but I think I will leave them. Fuck shame… I am so sick of feeling shame around my feelings, around my pain. I am damn proud I have survived the crap I have endured and I am still here willing to even try.
So for anyone who is struggling… its hard. I know it is so damn hard, but it can change if you hang on and you have faith it can change.
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I know this feeling, I often I end up not writing or sharing anything despite my needs.
I feel better, thanks. I’m still sober and smoke-free. I’m over a period of depression which was longer and deeper than usually, but luckily it seems to be over. At last I truly believe that there is a choice and a future for me.
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Im sorry If this Is not OK to ask ( then dont answer) or If you told about it earlier… But did you cut your self, and got scars?
I done the same for years ago. In the beginning I was ashamed of the scars and covered up all time. I tougth about cover them with tattoes or get laser. But over time I found them part of me, telling my story. They reminde me about how life was. I Will never get them removed or covered up. This Is me.
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Thanks Eric!! I am extremely excited for my one year mark! I can’t wait to see what the next year of sobriety will bring but I’m also focusing on just enjoying the journey.
Glad you enjoyed the book! Can’t wait to start it.
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1Y 7M 20D
Bout to hit the bed right now. Today was a good day. Next few days I’ll be doing a lot of travelling. Have everything ready to go. A friend of mine came into my room and asked for a cigar cutter. I gave him it and followed him outside to a little hangout we made. A few of my good friends were there.
The one who asked for the cigar cutter started passing out cups and I kindly turned mine down. The people I know why and it didn’t have to be said. I just got up and left. I was reminded why I don’t drink. All of em except for one (an old timer who knew me way back when) never seen me drunk and I’m grateful for that. I can’t ever have a drink, not even one. Good night everyone.
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This is an awesome share folks. I feel there is a huge message here!!
Shame can be crippling in our quest to recover.
Shame centers on your very identity as a person, and it becomes particularly toxic when it starts to impact your sense of self.
It’s a battle folks. And Stella got a huge win today. And so can you. Because we are all worth it.
Fuck Shame!!
I’m so proud of you Stella
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There is no problem asking questions ever!!!
Yes they are from self injuring. I agree they are a part of my story.
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The going into nature idea is fantastic! It always helps me when I do. Proud of you @zzz keep checking in man 
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Day 5, feeling motivated and strong! Been to meetings, working on myself and got a sponsor that’s really cool! 
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Day 285 proud of everyone’s days and happy to see that mostly everyone is chiving on and doing good 
for those of you struggling stay strong you got this:metal:
Getting the work truck serviced and then the day was over was really stressful at the start just a lot of work to get done in a short amount of time but pushed through and smashed it. Ending the day with the truck in the shop serviced for the weekend and then relaxation !
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Day 19.
8.13am
6 degrees ( its not even winter here!! 
)
So for some reason the universe decided to wake me up again at 3.3am , along with my entire building - the building evacuation fire alarm went off at 3.30am and the entire building had to evacuate and go out side , it was pouring rain and under 5 degrees too. 3 fire trucks and two police cars turned up. As usual , it was just someone in the building either using, drinking, or smoking weed that set it off. Would normally be a massive trigger. But I’m OK this morning. I slept in till 8am coz I couldnt fall back asleep. So I’m going to turn this event into a positive and have it re remind me to start focusing on house hunting asap.
Today is house chores day. Perfect weather for it. I will go out for a walk to get my coffee but that’s it, its so cold out there today. I do have an ulterior motive though, I Bought a new puffer jacker so I want to give it a spin out there and see how warm it is 
I might head to the gym later on to get some cardio in. I like Saturdays at that gym. There are always lots of people there so the vibe is really good, and I like people watching to give me inspiration to keep working out more lol. There are lots of very fit women at my gym lol so lots of inspiration not to go home and park my but on the couch with chocolate 
@Bassanova happy 6 months Bart!! 
@Best_Me congrats on day 2. Keep coming back and posting. It works. I like to log on and post first thing in the morning. You’ll find what works for you .
@Charlie_C I’m a bit late- congrats! Your working so hard happy to hear. I hope you sorted out the data base work
@Soundlab matt its our last day of being teenagers day 20 for us tomoz twinzie
@Bomdhil one week !!
@Luckyredz don’t go down that path. You are done with it. You know that you are. Stay strong!
@Fury Chris good luck with the job application
@Its_me_Stella Stella your a beacon of inspiration and your strength is admirable
OK… Now, coffee !! happy weekend friends.
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