Checking in on day 62. I lost custody of my eyes several times yesterday. Itās a sign that I need to take better care of myself instead of trying to get validation from strangers. Iām not proud about that. But I am feeling more hopeful about my recovery. Today started well with a Blazing Grace leaders Zoom call. Then I had an intimate moment with my wife. And now, Iām choosing to take the morning off so I can prepare myself for the 4th of July weekend. My wife and I are going to be extremely busy. Iām looking forward to it because itās going to be fun.
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Checking in on day 18, had a good few urges today, I really donāt know why cause I had no triggers just the want was there but put them to one side , had a few arguments with myself then moved on . Turned things on their heads and focused on healthy eating instead , made a list, went shopping , and downloaded my fitness pal app again to have something to focus on , feel loads better now itās passed . The strawberry and watermelon juice is much more refreshing . 
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Checking in at the end of day 179.
This is my 27th year in teaching, and the first time that I have ever witnessed the end of year leaving speeches sober. I felt a bit apprehensive beforehand because I expected cravings and thought that it wouldnāt be the same, or that I wouldnāt enjoy it as much - but it was absolutely fine. Much more enjoyable because I could appreciate what had gone into them and understand the humour in them.
Life is so much better now.
Have a great sober day, wherever you are.
Goodnight. 
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Canāt wait to see your momās tattoos! I love how supportive she is. She is a badass lady!
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Beth, you are a crack up! But seriously, TRUTH!
Also, I am so behind too! I always have to get to the very bottom before I post any so that I donāt post repeats lol.
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This is the dragonfly I did on her. Iām still drawing up the flowers, lots of detail in the silouhettes of the girls faces. She is definitely a badass.
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Heading into 8 days. Yesterday was pretty tired. Itās weird when the girls are gone I have a bunch of energy and ready to go. Soon as they come home Iām tired and sleepy. Today we have my oldest tball practice, anyways nothing major going on just another day.
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I knew it!!! 
Glad youāre back over a week man, keep up the hard work.
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@adeygaga49 congrats on 6 months 
@Cherrijam welcome back 
@Jennajen I donāt remember seeing your year post, but congrats on your soberversary+ 
@anon11129033 congrats on your week
@Olivia congrats on 9 months
@anon53116147 congrats on your week
325 days no alcohol.
293 days no cocaine.
19 days no binge-eating.
I very nearly ordered yum yums to binge this morning, but I managed to fall back asleep for a while instead, thankfully the thought entered my head of having to restart my counter yet again, and that deterred the thoughts.
Had ED therapy today, we only have 2 more sessions left, the door remains open afterwards but it is recommended to take a break from therapy and practice what Iāve learned for a while, I can call them if ED behaviours escalate and I start going backwards, so thatās reassuring. For the next two weeks we will be focusing on my nightmares, and I have to try to identify my thoughts between waking and any unstructured eating during the night, and then any thoughts after Iāve eaten, the plan is also to try a specific guided meditation that she did send me two weeks ago but I completely forgot about until part way through our session this afternoon. She also wants me to speak to my doctor about having a blood glucose test along with U&Es because she and the dietician are concerned that Iām drinking 12 litres of fluid every 24 hours. Iāve been like this for years, insatiably thirsty, I think itās my mental health meds that cause it, but will mention it anyway. The depressing part of all this is that Iām not losing any weight, and while I know thatās not the goal of therapy, itās still a goal of mine, which I fear could trigger the behaviours again once Iām left to my own devices.
I have made the decision to stop using nicotine when I next run out of vape liquid, Iāve got about 5 days worth left, which means my first day without it will be the day both of my cats are having surgery, and if I can get through that without it, then I can get through most days. 
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I think itās a very smart move to be thinking about your one year milestone now. Not that you should overthink it, just know itās coming. Iāve seen plenty of people fly through it gracefully into year two. Iāve also seen plenty of people land not so gracefully. Personally I found it challenging and think it would have helped if Iād braced myself for it better. I found it emotionally very challenging for a few reasons.
And I love that you are thinking about it because it shows such confidence that you will get there. So I know you will 
Like @icebear said, do something nice for yourself. You did this for you. You deserve it. You should acknowledge and thank yourself for doing something brilliant.
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I got 13 months yesterday. Iāve been struggling lately with life stuff.
Not sure which way is up sometimes.
Very low today. I may step back from here, sometimes it is tough to rise above the fray.
Thanks to my crew for always being there. 
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Iāve been really thinking about my approaching one year and I realized yesterday just how terrified I am. I have done this twice beforeā¦the one year always feels likes itās just fun a challenge and once I hit it I donāt know where to go. It always gets harder for me. This time around I only started day 1 when I started training last summer for the day across minnesota race to help with training and performance. After the race I knew I wanted to do it again so I stayed sober for this years coming race in August. After my race I donāt have anything pushing me to keep going. Iām really realizing the severity of my addiction and am trying to put together the pieces for future success. Probably going to give therapy another go.
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Congratulations on your 11 months.
Thatās great!! The future always scares the shit of of me. Especially when booze thoughts enter my head. So Iām just going to enjoy one day at a time. Struggle or no struggle. Iām not drinking today, and Iām probably not drinking tomorrow. Thatās all I got in me today anyway.
It must be very gratifying to be sober and ride your bike across Minnesota. What an accomplishment on so many levels.
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Well. . . somewhat disconnected from here for a few days and doing a fair amount of catch-up so excuse the amount of space Iām using lol
@M-be-free49 Congratulations on your 1 year. Keep fighting the good fight cuz youāre kicking ass at kicking ass and I absolutely love reading your progress within your shares.
@manishc Congratulations on triple digits. Youāve come a long way and your drive and determination really shows. Iām proud of you.
@apes2020 Your connection with birds runs deep and to me speaks volumes about your soft and kind hearted soul. Like others itās hard for me to see certain animals in captivity but I believe any bird would be lucky to have you as their human companion.
@Its_me_Stella OMG D, 18 months is awesome. Being on this journey with you has been my pleasure. I so appreciate your honesty within your shares and canāt say enough about what your support means to me. If I could bring you OPA I would! Hope you did something special to celebrate.
@MrsOdh Your door looks awesome and so inviting.
@Sunny11 Great to hear your recovery is going well.
@Mephistopheles Thanks for sharing this; it sent chills through my body and such a good reminder how easy it could be to throw a life down the drain.
@anon53116147 Awesome job on 1 week.
@Jennajen Youāll be truly missed. All the best to you.
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@Misokatsu I so feel you on this and was pondering such questions a few weeks ago. MAKE PLANS. CELEBRATE YOU. Ask your husband if he would like to join in your celebration; you may be surprised at his response. BUT, no matter his response, celebrate you every day because every day sober is a victory.
@Olivia Congratulations on your 9 months. Your presence here with your shares and support is astounding and I love having you alongside me on this journey.
@Clarity Enjoy your connection with nature. May it do wonders for your mind and spirit.
@CATMANCAM Good job on not ordering the yum yums. Just a suggestion but could you set yourself a timeframe to practice your tools learned in therapy without any measurements of weight? I know weight-loss is your goal, but can you focus on one goal at a time in terms of your ED behaviours?
@DLS Awesome job on 13 months lady. Struggles are real and living life on lifeās terms isnāt easy but youāre doing it. Should you choose to step away know you will be truly missed. Sending love and strength.
380 days Not too sure if itās irony or coincidence but the memorial for my cousin who passed away in February has been set for the end of July/beginning of August. I am planning a trip to be away for the entire weekend and am looking forward to gathering with my family while being given my opportunity to say goodbye and seek closure. While planning for my trip I grieve the loss of my cousin and the recent loss of my girlfriend. Grief sure sneaks up in weird ways as I find myself bawling with no notice but reflecting on memories. Although itās Canada Day here I just canāt celebrate it this year as my heart also mourns the loss of too many innocent children. With a heavy heart I am thankful for having plans to get together with another family for swimming and a BBQ. Much love to all here.
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Congratulations both on the eleven months and the whole biking across a state thing. A big state. I might be able to bike across Rhode Island or something 
I know what you mean by having something to focus on in the future. I hope you find something, but donāt forget that sobriety is a wonderful goal itself. You are doing awesome.
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Amen to that.
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