Went to bed at 11pm last night ate a bag of lollies whilst on tictok for hours laughing at animal videosā¦ . my life choices sometimes concern me
Slept in till 8.30am. Havenāt done that in 3 months. It might have something to do with the fact that I had a using dream last night. First one in a very long time. Its interesting, the reason I was trying to get on in my dream, was the same reason as when I last relapsed. I was trying to do the exact same thing in my dream. So weirdā¦ . using dreams put you in trigger mode for 72 hours after it , I learnt that in OTP classā¦ So I need to be careful and aware the next few daysā¦ Iām always careful and aware, but apparently something happens to our lower brain after using dreams and we can be triggered easilyā¦
I didnāt update you guys on my OTP course now that I think about itā¦ So the course wasnt rocket science. The literature was pretty basic and common knowledge stuffā¦ I did 3/4 of the course. I was there for three months. I learnt a lotā¦ Then I was being triggered by certain things thereā¦ People in the class had relapsed and had come to the class with stuff still obviously in there system. They were still talking and behaving cooked basicallyā¦I thought there was a ten day rule that was in place where you had to be clean for ten days before you could come to classā¦ That was true just for the first admissionā¦ After that , if you relapsed whilst you were doing the course, you were aloud to come back any where as soon as one dayā¦ So when I had to sit there next to someone in class who had clearly been using, it was just way to triggering for me and I decided that three months there was more than enough and it was time to exit the course and imerse myself in regular lifeā¦ So about a month ago I left the couse and I feel I learnt alot in the time I was thereā¦ And also the classes had moved to zoom coz of lockdownā¦ They said I can come back and finish the course at anytime , but I already took home the entire course literature and read and studied it all my self so I think Iām all good with that being my OTP experience and Iām grateful I got to experience it.
Trying to decided what to go eat tomorrow for my 90 daysā¦ Iām thinking philly cheese steak mmmmm
Stayed up until 7am this morning making sure my professionally penned notice that my client (who is also my brother in law) can take a long walk off a short pier will be ready to send once the full moon hits exactitude. Full moons are for endings, and while it isnāt necessary, I feel like it will add some energetic weight.
In the past the situation with him would have driven me to completely check out in any way I possibly could, so yay. It hasnāt been a complete success in sobriety for the last six months, but I still consider it a success. At the peak of this stress, Iām high on the feelings of personal success in how Iāve chosen to address the situation.
Also I received a birthday card from my primary care physician
No matter what has or will happen, today, I would proudly march up there and take that one month chip with pride. You deserve it. Youāve worked fucking hard for it.
Philly cheesesteak and 90 more lollies
Maybe skip the lollies.
Good move getting out of the OTP course if people in there had been using and it was triggering. Itās a shame they let those people come in.
And look at you at almost 90 days. Maybe thatās why your monkey brain hooked you up with a using dream last night. That 90 was a real bitch for me. I better get looking for a good Aussie 90 day gif for tomorrow. I wonder whatās on Sesame Street since that seems to be a theme here lately.
Great job April.
So Iāve found that I need to spend more time in meditation apart from my regular morning meditation. As I approach 90 days and as I continue to feel all the feels and my monkey mind tends to go a bit bananas, ive found that when I use this app, insight , and put on a short guided meditation, it really helps slow me down and stop the manicnessā¦
I highly recommend yāall download the app and give it a whirl
Oh! I didnāt even look at the dollar amount! I meant holy moly about the 200 days! Yer killing it. (And yes, I bought my first car a bajillion years ago for about that many dollars!)
Seriously though, there was a thread at one point about how much we all spent on our DoCs. I canāt wrap my head around it, how much I spent and rationalized spending. But hey, not the last 389. And that feels pretty good.
Huge congrats on your 200!
Edit: your comment re: milestones? āEven when you feel settled on the surface, strange things are happening underneath.ā So well put! Yes. At least, thatās been my experienceā¦
71 days is a wrap fellow comeback kings and queens. Have a good night day and if this guy can get this far myyyyyyyy godddddd anyone and I mean anyone can lol much love everyone
Sold thanks lol everyone in my soberhouse does a morning meditation together like 20 of us and then we go about our life until night but so many people I respect in recovery keep telling me meditation is powerful tool and I need every weapon I can get to keep this journey going . For real thanks
A very tired icebear checking in at the end of day 42. We finally got some rain here, which was nice. Lots of work deadlines this weekend so hopefully next week is a bit more relaxed. I am grateful for all of you here. Goodnight and good luck.
41 WHOLE DAYS & Iām still here Yāall. I Made it Downtown for the game Tuesday and supported my city soberly as we took the SHIP! and today relaxing by the water enjoying the day soberly seems foreign when I think about it but felt good. Itās like the thought of drinking wasnāt even there. I have to remind myself that itās a daily process to keep myself from feeling so confident that I fool myself into thinking I can handle drinking again, itās something Iāve done before so all I can do is maintain one day at a time!!
ate a bag of lollies whilst on tictok for hours laughing at animal videosā¦ . my life choices sometimes concern me 
