Day 15 . Overcoming my natural selfish inclinations gives me joy although the effort
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Checking in. Itās Friday and Iām sober!
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1067 days alcohol free
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Nailed the interview. Second round interview is next week 
Iām very excited and grateful for new opportunities.
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Yes, it looks just like one but a bit smaller. And did you really did that? The backyard stuff? 
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Great news Jane!!!
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Checking in at the end of day 187.
Had a great day, again. It started when I didnāt drink last night.
Got up early-ish, took the car to be serviced and then jogged the 3.2km back home. It was horrible - but I did it. Legs are giving me a bit of grief now, which I am loving.
Also did a plank challenge to ensure that my legs arenāt the only things which are hurting.
Did some errands this afternoon which my wife was expecting to have to do, and then played an escape room game with my son.
NONE of this would have happened if I had been drinking. Nothing major, but I have absolutely loved every second of it.
Life is so much better now.
Goodnight. 
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You my sweet friend are not alone.
The level of self loathing, verbal abuse and self doubt that I have riddled myself with over my life time has caused damage that felt insurmountable. I felt like I had just done too much damage that I could never turn my thought process around but I was wrong. I am chipping away at that negativity bit by bit and itās working. I still sit in a boatload of shitty feelings about my physical self but I am not hating on who I am as a person nor am I doubting my capabilities, my worth and my purpose as much any more. When those thoughts do come into my mind I notice them and then just turn them away and either start to have faith or fill my mind with thoughts of all the wins I have had lately or things like that.
Fleur it really takes conscious effort and a desire to change. I do not want to be in pain anymore and Iām just not going to accept it from myself. I had to figure out a way that worked for me where I could actively change my behaviors and thought processes.
I chant shit out loudā¦ (I think that is my version on praying) but I say it to me. Over and over and over drilling into my head because I need to hear it. I have told myself I hate myself a billion times so I know I have some catching up to do.
In therapy one of the best things I heard was "Just because we think it doesnāt mean itās true. " ( can replace that with āfeel itā too) that was an āahaā moment for meā¦ I was like WOW!!! I was so convinced that everything I thought was true and had been fighting for it my whole life, including that I was a piece of shit.
I know you are a caring person, a great mom, a devoted wife, a loving friend and a wicked smart woman. I donāt just think those things. Try being a little kinder to yourself. 
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No Itās just a joke I used on my fertility forum back in the day lol. Man, the things we would do to see lines that werenāt there 
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Pffff, thank God!! 
I miss a lot of humor around here, struggle to understand it. When I do not understand a messageit itās most of the time a joke 
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Thank you!
I never thought of it that way.
Great advice!
Day 5 
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I bet without reading any replies every one here is telling you that you are not alone Fleur.
I still do it with every freaking post here.
Iām trying to learn that it is a sensitive quality I have in me because I try to consider other peoples feelings. And I donāt want to be a jerk. And Iām pretty sure Iād rather be ālikedā than ānot liked.ā
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Day 2 here!
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@Grumpybeard welcome 
and congrats on 4 days
@Darby1 congrats on your week
@Penguin proud of you and so pleased your friend in supportive 
@Hollz congrats on 2 weeks
@Lilemm congrats on 2 weeks hope you feel better soon
@SoberWalker thank you for saving the bird
@anon74766472 enjoy the climbing, it sounds like fun! 
@Misokatsu my mind is like that too, solidarity
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@siand @Clarity @Sunny11 @apes2020 @Its_me_Stella @Dazercat @Mno
@Hopeful777 thank you all for the support 
crossing the 300 checkpoint sure does feel like something, sights are set on that year now
333 days no alcohol.
301 days no cocaine.
27 days no binge-eating.
1 hour no nicotine.
I managed 4 hours without nicotine earlier, and it started off not too bad, but in the wake of my first craving and withdrawal symptoms, in my addict desperation I found some leftover liquid in an old vape and managed to transfer it to my new vape so I caved. There is definitely no more liquid accessible to me now though. I fear itās going to be a long night! (I usually vape every 60-90mins during the day and night).
Went back to the gym and swimming today after therapy day off. I think Iām getting the hang of getting right back to it now and this pleases me.
Wishing you all wonderful weekends
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Checking out, feeling good about myself and decision to go climbing. Was good, not me but going there and having fun. I donāt know if me or earth became heavier but something hasnāt been okay with gravity today. 
Glad I donāt need my arms and shoulders tomorrow except for 1 tiny plank minute.
Now I will just watch Tom Hanks taking care of Wilson.
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Day 6 and feeling proud!!
Finally ate at the restaurant that has a 3 month waiting list, I normally would swig my way through at least 3 glasses of wine and buy a bottle on the way home, there were so many people drinking around me but I stuck to coke
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Checking in day 6. Thinking about how Iād be at day 30 if I hadnāt stumbled. That sounds like Iām maybe being down on myself but if I really think about it drinking only 2 days out of 30 is something I havenāt done for years. I started going to meetings this week, and itās really busted all my preconceptions about them. Iām finding it really encouraging and hearing so much good advice. It probably just depends on finding a good group, and I know meetings arenāt for everyone, but theyāre totally working for me.
Iāve dreamed about drinking for the last two nights. Both nights, even in my dream, I was like what the fuck am I doing???!?!! Iām just taking this as evidence that everything Iām learning is really sinking into my subconscious and hopefully thatās a good thing.
I hope you all have a wonderful day!
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