Checking in on day 38
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1111 days alcohol free. Happy Sunday
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432 days. Weather is still wet and chilly just adding to the mood. A day under my blanket, doing laundry and watching movies is looking like my plan. This too shall pass.
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Great to hear Steve!!! Congratulations!!
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Congrats 
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Prayers 
For baby girl. 
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Iām sending prayers to your beautiful girl. Itās so hard to see them sick. Youāre a great mama. 
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Hey Rob,
Some days are definitely harder than others, and those days sometimes clump together for me to make really hard weeks. Putting the dope and booze down unfortunately doesnāt stop life from happening, it just gives me an opportunity to actually live my life instead of trying to survive.
When my days are hard I get my ass to as many meetings as I can so that my spirit is full. I am not sure about you but my addict is a dick and crafty so I need to be on my toes and always one step ahead.
You coming here expressing that itās getting tougher for you is shedding light on that darkness which takes your addicts power away. Keep doing that and I bet you will find your days will get easier.
Milestones can get rough and you are coming up on your 1 month, hang on tight and just take it 24 hrs at a time. It will pass and your days will get easier again.
Sending lots of strength.
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Proud of you.
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703 Days. Thankfully, a hurricane that was threatening my area stayed far enough off shore. The heavy steady rain is making for a miserable day but Iām grateful that itās not as bad as it could have been.
Hubby is in the hospital again. Heās been getting injections for psoriatic arthritis that weakens his immune system. He works construction and gets splinters constantly which lead to a full blown infection in his hand. His dr tried treating it with oral antibiotics all week to no avail. Friday the dr gave up and sent him to the ER. The IV antibiotics are now working so Iām hoping heāll be home soon.
I complain about him often but itās times like this where I see how life would be without him and itās not easy. I canāt cook for the life of me so I find preparing meals my biggest challenge. Needless to say, Iāve been getting take out for dinner the past 2 nights and my daughter misses daddyās cooking. He called to say heās hoping to get home today to cook his girls a good dinner. Fingers crossedš¤
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Day 8.6 few thoughts of drinking again today had a 10 hour work shift and felt tired and headachey this morning.
However im now in bed with a cup of chamomile tea 
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Checking in
602 days substance free
17 days sugar free
Went on a āroad tripā last night to celebrate an out of town cake. Two actually, a 7 year and a 20 year. It was an interesting meeting. The woman taking 20 years chose āGratitude " as her topic and the guy taking 7 years chose " Resentmentsā as his topic.
I was so fucking angry when I cleaned up. Actually, I was super angry when I was using, the last 5 years I was violent. Punching mirrors, smashing holes in walls, throwing my then husband down the stairs. I was a terror with so much anger built up inside me I wanted to kill myself and sometimes other people. When I got to the resentments section of my first set of steps it told me a lot. The biggest resentment I had was toward myself. I was so mad at myself for wasting my life, for relapsing, even for the fact that I am an addict. The list of reasons went on forever, and I deflected that anger onto everyone and everything in my life. Once I was able to look at that, see it for what it was then let it go I was able to also deal with the much smaller resentments in my life. Slowly all that anger and frustration started to dissipate and I was able to breathe.
They say carrying a resentment is like pissing your pantsā¦ Everyone around you can see it but youāre the only one who can feel it.
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@anon27760155 that truly is a big decision, is there any professional help available for your mum that could be put in place so you didnāt have to take the full load? Congrats on 4 days smoke-free too and that drawing is awesome 
@TheWolf I hope you make it through today sober 
@Dan531 enjoy your vacation 
@Thirdmonkey congrats on your new purchase
@liv_m sending strength 
@John1990 congrats on triple digits 
@Clarity prayers for your baby girl
@zzz sorry to hear this, you were doing well before, werenāt you in AA? Maybe try that again.
@FatBobRob congrats on 3 weeks
@Fury congrats on being official
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@Misokatsu congrats on setting a boundary
@Darby1 thatās great news about your wife
@Steve92 congrats on all the 1s
@Lisa07 prayers for your husband
377 days no alcohol.
345 days no cocaine.
The disordered eating continues, but Iām hoping my lunchtime binge will be my last. I am powerless over food. Attempting to start my diet from now for one month, to see if I can make progress with my weight loss and get myself in a better headspace. Iām back in that ānew week, new startā mindset where I was this time last week, and off the back of that I managed to make it to the gym on Monday and Tuesday but not swimming, and then fell off track completely Weds-now. Hoping for more success this time. I feel so stuck in a rut but the only way out is through action , so I am going to take action.
I hope your weekends have been good to you all
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I made it through my toughest challenge yet 
Supping on a celebratory strawberry milkshake 
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Day 60 alcohol and 10 cocaine. I feel a little better today, I was having a hard time wanting to use again yesterday. But I just laid back and listened to that sober guy podcast for like 5 hours. I put a new washing machine in with my step dad, while they were gone I moved the like 200 pound washing machine down my stairs and outside all by myself. My mom was like why did you do it by yourself and I just needed it I needed that conquer.
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Day 911
Super tired. I ended up getting a surprise visitor yesterday, a close friend of mine was in town. It was great to see him, we just talked and talked. We both clearly had a lot to get off our chests. We shared some good words but it was a mostly serious discussion and Iām emotional drained.
I was still able to spend an hour or so in my favourite book shop, went for Thai food ,and had a really good yoga session this afternoon.
Good weekend, but Iām toast. 
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Day 119.
7.02 am.
9 degrees.
I jumped on the scales this morning and ive put on 3kgs the past few weeks @CATMANCAM Tyler I understand the whole ānew week new startā kinda vibe. Ive been eating everything in sight these past few weeks. Its taken its toll and today on this new Monday morning, the beginning of the last day of winter, I am getting serious about over consumingā¦ It stops today.
Today is day one of my eating clean plan
I think il make a new additional counter for it 
But first, coffee 
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