it lovely to hear from you, I knew you would be OK and still be happy joyous and free. You’ll never know how much you inspired me and kept me going to achieve that first year. I knew if you could do it it must be possible, take care and God bless you. 
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I can relate a lot. I also couldn’t open up to my freind because I was afraid to be seen, to be judged by her, to lose her. And she has always thought, that I’m dishonest to her and it’s a sign of lack of trust.
In the last weeks I became more open. I told her about my suicide attempt what made her really mad at me (and at herself for not noticing that), and about some things that coused resentment in me towards her. Right after telling these I regretted it immediately, and felt huge fear of losing her, or causing her pain, and I thought I just fucked up the whole thing. But we could talk about that, and a short time later it was clear, that we both try make this friendship work even if it means risking, hurting, and facing uncomfortable things. We have to go through this period, I have to be open to be seen and show my feelings and she has to be open for who I really am.
Another important thing for me was to realize that I confuse my feelings for her with my craving of honest love from my mother. My friend seems to love me unconditionally – something my mother is uncapable of. And my friend’s role has shifted from a „friend” to the „proof that I have right to exist, because I can be loved”, and that I’m terrified to lose, and rather refuse it in advance. I had to/have to clarify these feelings in myself otherwise I will keep sabotaging our friendship.
She always says „our relationship can handle that”. And there was a lot to handle in the last 25 years. I hope it will be one of those things that makes our friendship even stronger.
I hope you’ll get through this period too and you will have a connection in which you can be yourself freely.
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22 days here. Sleeping sooo well and Im very grateful and happy for that. Im feeling more inside my body than when I was drinking, when it seemed I was watching from the outside like a movie. So grateful.
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I’ve decided to start counting days from my last sip (and I literally mean sip) of alcohol to hold myself accountable. That means today is the start of day 3. I’ve counted days before and had 30, 45, 90, 100, 150, etc. and it has been a helpful tool in the past for motivation and a reminder of where I’ve come from, but I want to emphasize that numbers of days and milestones are one piece of the puzzle, it is not a silver bullet answer to staying sober. If all I did was count days (and I’ve done that before) it would be more like white-knuckling my way through. I’m continuing my recovery reading, listening to podcasts, journaling, addressing my health with my doctor, talking to my supports…you get the picture. So I’ll add this tool back in and see how it helps me at this point. Day 3, grateful to be sober and alcohol free. I’m looking forward to a productive but relaxed Sunday. Sending love and sober energy your way, amigos. 
Edit: I’m an idiot - day 3 not 4, doh!
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Hey all, checking in on day 476. I hope everyone’s weekend is going well!
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72 days sober
593 days free from dip
Its been a long time since I checked in here. I had a short relapse when our second son was born. I know that my last slip was from loneliness. I isolated which was dangerous.
Luckily I found my way back into AA. I have been doing more meetings than ever before. It always helps to get out of my own head and listen to another persons story. Working on my 4th step but making sure to take my time unlike before.
Looking forward to a wonderful day sober. Hope everone has a great day!
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Checking in at the end of day 273.
Sober baby day. Milestones mess with me. Hopefully I’ll be back to normal tomorrow.
Have a great sober day, wherever you are.
Goodnight.
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It’s been a long time since I posted anything on the forum.
For the past year I’ve been on and off the ‘’sober train’’, long periods and short periods.
A lot has changed in the past year: new job, new girlfriend, new home, stopped smoking, and me no longer drink daily… but 1 or 2 times a week.
My goal was to drink less and get my life back on track, I succeeded.
I’m now ready for the next step… stop drinking at all.
I have all the support I need and my sober toolbox is next to me
I am gone quit looking behind, my future is in front of me. I have found the courage to leave the guilt and regrets behind and Iam ready for this more than ever.
I have decided not just to read on the forum anymore but to contribute again as before, for help and support.
Today 7 days sober
I wish you all a nice morning, afternoon, or evening!
Stay sober! 
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Making today day one.
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Checking in on morning 80
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Thank you! Glad to be here. 
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Long time no see friend. Welcome back! En gefeliciteerd met een volle week sober.
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Congrats Tony! A full term quit that is! Well done. Hope you’re having a good rest.
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Dankjewel maat!
Good to see that you are still around! 
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Ya they do. That 9 month one fucked with me too. And I’m not just saying that. It’s a real thing milestone malady.
I was determined to not let the 300 fuck with me. I knew it was coming. And when it came I still struggled. Even thinking I was prepared for 300 it was a tough one. After 300 hundred I kinda coasted in to my 365. We’re always around for support.
ODAAT
Congratulations on your 9 months G-Dude!
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That’s a pretty picture right there.
Great job Claudia!! I never get tire of those pretty Klompen
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Just curious why did you sip alcohol if you are trying to be alcohol free?
Just one hoot of meth is just one hoot of meth.
Just a bump of coke is just a bump of coke.
… I don’t know seems weird. Glad you’re being accountable though.
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I guess it’s part of a codependency issue I have that I have to work on harder to change. Eric the brewmaster and his beloved beers…and him starting to want to share with me again and me wanting to people please. But we have discussed and that will not happen again. If it does, it’s up to me to be my own person and be willing to say no. It is too risky for me, just as you say. That’s my best guess as I have analyzed and over analyzed, maybe.
Edit to say I’m starting some worksheets with my therapist!
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Day 15 today, just got out of a meeting and feeling ready to take on another week!
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