Had to reset again a few hours ago, after using cocaine this afternoon. Havenāt lost hope, determined to be back here tomorrow with a whole day again. I have my treatment on my feet first thing, another medical appointment at 2pm, and a hair cut at 3pm, so that should all keep me busy enough to get through any urges.
Afternoon checkin
Work is going well. Iām working alone today with another client (I have worked with her for 7 years) so we have a good rapport. Been thinking alot about my recovery. Picturing myself a month or 2 months down the road when Iām still clean and sober. I like to visualize my life and picture me clean and sober and proud of myself sounds silly I guess lol but I like to visualize myself as a recovery addict and doing well and things flourishing in my lifeā¦ not as someone who is using or struggling. Anyway work is good! Hope everyoneās day is going well
Checking in - migraine had me down and bummed but Iām feeling okay right now. Iāve struggled with acceptance that I have to manage this condition as well as my mental health, but there it is. Iām also reading a bit lately about giving ourselves permission to feel sad. There is a lot of pressure to feel happy as the ultimate emotional state, like some end goal. I have read other people write about that here before, too. And while I know seasonal depressive periods have an impact on me this time of year, I think emotions are complex and I might not always understand all of what Iām experiencing, that I canāt always put a label on it or rationalize my way through.
But gratitude helps, staying connected helps, and all of the other tools I have help, too. Just have to get through today, as always.
Checking in 83 days sober
Went on a second date for sushi and to see sand sculptures at the beach. I had such a fun weekend. Iām starting to feel comfortable telling people I donāt drink. When I first started I would say Iām not drinking right now. I only noticed I had changed the way I phrased it the other day and it made me proud. Finally home and going to relax and catch up on TS.
Let shame turn to guilt then lead to making amendsā¦and then drop it off and never turn back. Isolation is where our adversary can REALLY get us ensnared and feeling like thereās no way out.
The last of my weekend guests just left. Iām really happy with how the Christmas party turned out. I was worried about being triggered for no reason. I didnāt want to drink at all! Out of everyone who came, only 4 of us are sober. But guess what? Not a single one of the other 24 people drank! They didnāt pre-game, and they didnāt smoke! And everyone had a blast! We played games (What Do You Meme and Over-Rated were favorites. ), and stayed up ātil the wee hours snacking, talking, and laughing. It was really great for my first sober get-together.
So I did it. I was strong and I focused on how far Iāve come and the fact that I never want to go back to drinking. Plus, it seriously surprised me that everyone was so supportive and didnāt bring alcohol. I mean, these folks can drink! My son told one of the guys that I donāt drink anymore, and he just spread the word. I felt really loved. And today, Iām happy.
sounds silly I guess lol but I like to visualize myself as a recovery addict and doing well and things flourishing in my lifeā¦ not as someone who is using or struggling. Anyway work is good! Hope everyoneās day is going well
I had such a fun weekend. Iām starting to feel comfortable telling people I donāt drink. When I first started I would say Iām not drinking right now. I only noticed I had changed the way I phrased it the other day and it made me proud. Finally home and going to relax and catch up on TS.
), and stayed up ātil the wee hours snacking, talking, and laughing. It was really great for my first sober get-together. 
