Checking in day 4, met some friends at their house for coffee and board games, was offered a beer and I said no, feeling pretty good!
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4 days, thats brilliant to hear 
well done for saying no, it feels good doesnt it.
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Checking in on a solid 8 months alcohol free! Great day today. Got the kiddos out of the house to the childrenās museum now that their covid close contact exposure quarantine is over and momma is still under her isolation period as the positive one. We had a great time. I looked for a Barbie job titled ābad-ass, door-kicking, soldier-making, finance coach,ā but alas it wasnāt in their options menu so I settled for being the prettiest president on this side of the US. Have a wonderful day in sobriety folks.
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I love this!!! 
Huge congratulations on your 8 months! 
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Checking in
Day 10
Was feeling irritable. Hubby still isnāt home from tattooing. Mind started racing about what heās doingā¦ making up all kinds of messed scenarios. Iām not the type of woman to keep texting and annoying someone. I knew if I called him and heard his voice I would be able to tell if he was using. So I called and he sounds normal. Is on his way home soon.
Been slacking on meditation. Have gotten super irritable as the day went on 
very mild thots of using. Used my tools to get out of those thots.
Decided to do a 10 min guided meditation. Learned something cool that really helped me within 10 min, thot u all might get some use from it 
- I sat and did a body scan. From the top of my head down to my feet. Just focusing on one body part at a time, feeling sensations, hot or cold, tense or relaxed etc (forehead, in btwn my eyes, jaw, neck n shoulders, chest, back, thighs and calves, an feet). Focus on just being aware of the sensations with no judgement (donāt try to change it).
- Then I do an overall scan of my body and of how I feel (Iām u hungry or full, anxious or calm, energetic or exhausted etc)
- By doing this, I came to realize that my feet were frozen, I felt anxious in my chest, my legs were sore and stiff, I was holding tension in my face and shoulders, my lips felt dry (its very dry where I live), i was overwhelmed, but I also felt gratitude in my heart.
- I ended the meditation. Then I began to work on āfixingā what I didnāt like. Put socks on, put lip balm on my lips, used lavender oil and deep breaths to calm my anxiety, did some stretches for my stiffness, turned off all noise, and focused on relaxing my face.
I feel so much better. I guess Iām not used to listening to myself. And by doing that, my irritability decreased bcuz Iām fixing what was causing the irritability. I feel ok. My mild using thots went away. I thot this was super helpful so thot I would share. Maybe it could help someone else
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Your staying very positive its nice to read your doing well, and meditating can be amazing !!
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Lol. Anything for the kiddos. Congrats on 8 months. Mr. President
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Ya! In treatment like 8 years ago they made us do meditation and I could never get into it. Never saw the benefits. But my mind was very closed to it also. And now I wish I learned these things long ago. Funny how that works. Do u meditate often?
Not as often as i should, but its something i am trying to build up my concentration-well trying not to concentrate and just let myself be at ease im finding difficult, my mind just wonders off and i feel so tense, iv tried guided meditation and sleep meditation and that helps.
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Ya I do guided meditations cuz Iām not quite at that level yet to do it on my own. Iāve tried but I donāt seem to get the same benefits 
Checking in @ 1 year, 10 months, 18 days 
mentally, emotionally and spiritually I am doing so much better than I was when I last initially checked inā¦ I realized what I had been battling was my addiction. I donāt have thoughts about drugs or alcohol now but my disease has definitely changed my thoughts about stuff that scares me or frightens me or whateverā¦ once I put a name to it it shut right up and I said out loud to myself like I had an epiphany āI am addicted to everything and I am powerlessā¦ā and I did a mini first step. No I did not do it official with a sponsor bc I still need to get one and work the steps (I have 2 years clean next month and I havenāt done any of the steps yetā¦) but then I had the realization that I (self) was not God or my Higher Powerā¦ so I guess I did the second step too. But I want to do them with a sponsor tbh. I feel a lot better bc if we are gonna be real with one another I was convinced I was fighting the devil or something with all the weird shit that was happening to me. Nope I wasnāt. It was my insidious disease tricking me, being cunning, baffling and powerful. But I really need someone to help me work through this stuff because mentally it was really scary BUT my HP got
Me through it and moved mountains, as always. I keep seeing signs and keep getting drawn into spending any and most of my time with my HP or do something recovery related. Well I am happy to be clean and sober. I definitely do not miss being high or drunk or the feelings that come with it or all of the problems. I got the REAL me backā¦ and an awesome best friend aka my cat Birdie. Iām set.
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Hang in there. Just because your ex wants a relation doesnāt mean you owe it to them. Focus on your own healing. Sending hugs to you abd kids! Covid symptoms is hard, but they are safe and you will get through this!
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Watch that account grow like the dates on sober time! You have long term financial security needs. This will get you there. Sending hugs.
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Hang in there and stay strong, you got this!!
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Thank you for your support 
i spent a few hours on here reading and participating in threads and i feel more at ease now. Hope your doing ok yourself
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I never thot of that!!! Omg, if I wasnāt spending on money on drugsā¦ I was spending it on whatever else I could think of to try and fill that void. Maybe itās worth trying to save? I mean ya that would be a good idea lol
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Checking in day 110
Itās my daughterās birthday weekend so its busy, busy, busy with a side of anxiety.
I got a package from my partner containing her engagement ring, no letter, no words to be said.
The old me wouldāve become distraught and consumed with despair but no, not anymore.
The fact that we are both alcoholics with years in combat/recovery together and have full understanding of the process and that she still wonāt have a proper sober discussion with me over things that occured when I was drunk is just a shame. She always wanted to be forgiven no matter what she did when she was drunk but isnāt open to discussing when it involves me?
Nah, fuck that. I refuse to lose sleep over this.
If thatās how she feels is the path that makes her most happy, then all power to her.
But me? Iām not allowing her or anyone else to destroy me or even disturb my peace.
When i opened the package, i smiled and laughed.
I am not the same broken person she left behind.
I am a new person, sober and strong and not nothing.
I am enough, more than enough.
I can be someoneās everything, just like she was to me.
But for someone else? I am far from ready.
I know now that I was not everything to her, whatever words she has said in the past were just that, words.
I am not just a throwaway, I am everything.
I will cherish the years together, I will cherish the memories, I will cherish the family that was and never will be but Iām done holding my breath.
This is yet another test against my will and sobriety.
And I will not falter.
I matter too much.
My daughter matters too much.
I hope she is okay, as well as her son.
I will miss them.
But this is my time, this is my life.
I am the best me possible, if she doesnāt want me then that is simply her loss, which is a shame.
I get better every day, and even though I miss and love her more everyday, I canāt afford to waste time being a wreck.
Everything is about me.
I am putting myself first for once.
I am the new sun and moon, and this earth is now mine.
You will always be in my heart, I will always adore you even if I meant nothing to you.
I will always wish it was you.
Cheers to what was and what couldāve been.
Maybe in the next life.
Cāest la vie.
I am no longer broken, I am not trash, I am human.
I am done crying.
I have forgiven you, I have forgiven myself.
I am done saying Iām sorry.
Onward onto tomorrow, may god hold my hand and may the stars guide my way.
Youāll be okay & so will I.
Goodbye to you, the love of my life, my biggest crush, my other half, my favorite worry, my best friend, my forever person, my gorgeous queen and muse.
You will be okay, and thats more than enough for me.
Keep getting better, Iāll make sure to do the same.
I love you, stranger.
I always will.
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Evening Check in
Day 10
Hubby got home awhile ago. Heās clean and sober! Even brought home food and pop. Didnāt ask me at all about making a call. We ate and now we are relaxing. And some weird things are happening He used to get irritable so quickly. Like if I made a mistake doing something, he would get frustrated and irritable or complain about every llittle thing happening in his life. Besides that little pissy moment he had last night when I said no to wanting drugs, he has been like a diff person almost. He doesnāt fly off the handle if he cant find something. Heās more patient and kind. He portrays a very tough exterior. Often times people find him intimidating with his tattoos and size but I kind of sew him as a like a big teddybear haha he would never admit that tho. He has his own things to work thru (hence the āwallsā Iām guessing) but in this very short amount of time, heās already changed abit. I feel like my environment is diff. I like it actually. Maybe this is a new start for a few things Iām sort of excited to see where this all goes in my recovery
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Im not sure I completely know what u mean, but I can say that i have never found fluff in that size!
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