Congratulations on 100 days thats brilliant news 
1 Like
Checking in
Day13
Got some grocery shopping done. Crazy busy at Superstore and I found it overwhelming, catching myself getting supper bitchy. Got home and I was starving. So I ate. Definitly having urges to use. Not exactly sure what is triggering it. Maybe stress or being overwhelmed. The weather seems to be triggering my thots too. Itās strange how even weather can do that. Going to sit in the shower with thr warm water and see if that helps me 
13 Likes
Hi how are you ?
I hope your little one is feeling better 
Congratulations on 70 days.
Sorry you feel no one checked in on you 
1 Like
Sorry your struggling Dana Play the tape forward and stay away from the DOCās
. Can you get out for a brisk walk to clear your mind and emotions. I got my 10 000 plus in eary today. Do you have a step counter?
5 Likes
Thanks Owen I did get outside today but it wasnāt very peaceful lol I might head out again. I just had a quick warm shower n got onto some comfy clothes. Making tea now. Iām going to distract myself with folding laundry and dishes lol play some nature music and of course pray and connect with my HP. Thanks for commenting. I donāt have a step counter actually. I really wanna get a fit bit tho
1 Like
Wowā¦ So beautifulā¦
Those eyes!!
1 Like
Sounds like youāre in recovery mode now, congrats. Stay peaceful.
Iāve got my one coffee of the day going as well 
Interestingly our smart phones can be a step tracker. This app is working well for me 
Hope your w/e is smooth sailing from here on in.
Over and out from Vancouver 
3 Likes
Interesting day,
So a friend of mine volunteers at a homeless shelter, he used to work at, and was looking for help to do a meal and serve, so I said sure
4 of us put our money together, and went and fed about 50 people including families at a local shelter, about 2 hours of our time, and to see how grateful they were was simply amazing kinda humbled me.
Things we take for granite everyday, warm beds, hot meals. Hot showers. We should be more appreciative of our haves and not our have nots
23 Likes
Ending day 11 super 
tired
15 Likes
Thatās such a lovely warm hearted thing to do, I bet you feel amazing knowing that you were there when families and people were struggling.
Thank you for being so kind and going above and beyond .
3 Likes
130 Days
Today I helped my cousin paint more of her flat, we have been doing it all week.
We were getting ready to finish up for the day my cousin told me she has fancied a glass of wine for a few days would i like to go and sit in the pub up the road with her, she asked me if i would be ok and comfortable with that ( when i was sober for 8 yrs i sat in many pubs with my dear cousin and was absolutely fine and it was just normal for me to not drink and be able to sit there and still enjoy the evening out, so bearing in mind she maybe thought giving up was easy or maybe i made it look easy before lol)
So i said yes thats fine, then a voice in my head said
" will you really be ok to go along for a while, but what will you gain from putting yourself in that environment so early on?"
( my devil alcoholic voice had started working with me not against me )
So i thought about it and i thought well my reason for going was to keep my cousin company, and it wasnt an idea of mine and i thought its best i go home after the decorating because how can i gaurantee il be ok ?
After all the lockdowns, all the daily life situations that im learning to try to cope withā¦ what if ā¦ i thought hard and decided i didnt even need to be thinking about all of this stuff, im fragile mentally and emotionally and physically because of the situation with my daughter and i cant be in an environment where music will be played as it al triggers my panick attacks i knew it was too early to change my program or environment, and i chose to stick to what has been working.
Not sure any of this makes sense but i feel good writing it.
There was no pressure from my cousin so it was ok for me to say yes or no.
I just thought id share this.
What made me aware its a wrong decision is i had visions and images of what if i did ā¦ and that there was enough to tell me that im not ready to be in that environment, especially for someone else.
Have a lovely weekend everyone
29 Likes
Iām proud of you. It takes courage to do whatās best for ourselves. 
3 Likes
Hi, how are you feeling now ?
Hope your day had got better for you
1 Like
Thank you
2 Likes
Checking in
Day13
Addict voice isnāt AS strong right now. Earlier I ate, did a mediation, and then got cozy under my soft fuzzy blanket and had a nap. Eating again now. Honestly, I am not concerned about how much I eat right now. I was trying hard to be healthier overall BUT I need to take care of the bigger demon 1st. Iām fully aware that Iām switching addictions right now from drugs to food, but pick ur battles right?! Earlier I stopped myself twice from sending a text message to my hubby about having using thots. Am I wanting to send them to get support? Or am I wanting to send them to get āpermissionā to use (as in him saying okay, letās do it). I didnāt send those messages bcuz I know all too well that I wonāt get the support from him. He isnāt an addictā¦ so he doesnāt see how hard it is for me to stay clean. For him he can literally take it or leave it. Sooo I do what I need to do for me. I think Iām okay now. Just counting down the time until bed so that I can end this day and hopefully not hear that little voice tmrw.
20 Likes
Iām glad you were smart enough and had the self awareness to realize that your still not ready to put yourself in that type of situation yet. Thatās the kind of thing thatās gonna keep you sober. Nice job.
5 Likes
Day 983 AF
Sheesh Iām away less than 48 hours and Iām 100s of checkins behind, trying to catch up on reading 
Itās been a great weekend, went to Chinatown with the kids last night and had a great time celebrating Chinese Lunar New Year 
22 Likes
Day 290 of no self harm. (10 months is coming up!!)
Iām okay today. Iām stressed about my family but Iām not with them today so itās not as bad.
Iāll explain a bit. My family is entirely toxic and abusive except for my grandfather. Heās my world. Heās been sick since Christmas, turned out he had sepsis. He recovered after 2 weeks in hospital but now he has dangerously low blood pressure and an abscess on his liver and his gallbladder. The doctors are terrible and donāt tell us anything. My grandpa had a drain put in to his gallbladder to help drain the abscess. He will have that for 5 weeks and then he will get his gallbladder removed. Heās 82. Surgery is scary and dangerous for him.
Anyway, in the meantime someone has to be with him all the time to help him empty his drain and to supervise him in general. My family doesnāt want to do it, but they said that Iām (and I quote) āincompetentā. Iām gonna be 20 but everyone acts like Iām 5.
Iāve offered to move in temporarily, but Iām not sure I want to honestly. My uncle is my rapist and lives across the street. It would be miserable and I would never sleep.
Sorry for the long post. Thereās just a lot going on. Iām ok today, but thereās just a lot of stress in general. Iāve always had to be the adult in my family though. Iām used to this. Pretty much raised my little sister because my parents were abusive and I wanted to guard her.
Sorry lol didnāt expect this post to go into so much depth. Everything in my family is just connected so it felt relevant. I hope yāall are doing well.
18 Likes
@Butterflymoonwoman, I read here everyday and I just wanted to say that I am super proud of you and how you are fighting this battle. You are honest, open, courageous, strong, a fighter and have a fire within you that is burning so bright. I honestly cheer for you each day and I pray that you keep pushing through.
11 Likes