I’m glad you were smart enough and had the self awareness to realize that your still not ready to put yourself in that type of situation yet. That’s the kind of thing that’s gonna keep you sober. Nice job.
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Day 983 AF
Sheesh I’m away less than 48 hours and I’m 100s of checkins behind, trying to catch up on reading 
It’s been a great weekend, went to Chinatown with the kids last night and had a great time celebrating Chinese Lunar New Year 
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Day 290 of no self harm. (10 months is coming up!!)
I’m okay today. I’m stressed about my family but I’m not with them today so it’s not as bad.
I’ll explain a bit. My family is entirely toxic and abusive except for my grandfather. He’s my world. He’s been sick since Christmas, turned out he had sepsis. He recovered after 2 weeks in hospital but now he has dangerously low blood pressure and an abscess on his liver and his gallbladder. The doctors are terrible and don’t tell us anything. My grandpa had a drain put in to his gallbladder to help drain the abscess. He will have that for 5 weeks and then he will get his gallbladder removed. He’s 82. Surgery is scary and dangerous for him.
Anyway, in the meantime someone has to be with him all the time to help him empty his drain and to supervise him in general. My family doesn’t want to do it, but they said that I’m (and I quote) “incompetent”. I’m gonna be 20 but everyone acts like I’m 5.
I’ve offered to move in temporarily, but I’m not sure I want to honestly. My uncle is my rapist and lives across the street. It would be miserable and I would never sleep.
Sorry for the long post. There’s just a lot going on. I’m ok today, but there’s just a lot of stress in general. I’ve always had to be the adult in my family though. I’m used to this. Pretty much raised my little sister because my parents were abusive and I wanted to guard her.
Sorry lol didn’t expect this post to go into so much depth. Everything in my family is just connected so it felt relevant. I hope y’all are doing well.
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@Butterflymoonwoman, I read here everyday and I just wanted to say that I am super proud of you and how you are fighting this battle. You are honest, open, courageous, strong, a fighter and have a fire within you that is burning so bright. I honestly cheer for you each day and I pray that you keep pushing through.
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That means alot to me… thank you so much! Ur making me tear up over here lol I’m grateful you all here on TS. Truly 
how are YOU doing?
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@Butterflymoonwoman I am good. I am coming up on three years but every day I wake up, is day 1, as I do not know what lays ahead. When I read everyone’s check ins, it gives me strength and puts my ego in check. You have got this, 1step - 1 day at a time.
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Day 31 AF
Had an amazing day yesterday. Sat in a pub with my partner and friends and family for a couple of hours and just watched everyone else drink. Had a nice meal and didn’t even flinch at the thought of having a beer. Thanks everyone who congratulated me on my 30 days. Love you guys
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For those that do have fb… u know those fb memories that just pop up?
This post was from 11 years ago 
~ I can’t Think my way into a better way of Living, I have to Live my way into a better way of Thinking ~
Wow… idk whether I should be happy or sad at this post lmao Happy that I’m actually putting this into practice 11 years later? Or sad that it took me longer than 11 years to get to this point? Haha Idk. Can’t focus on the past. Can’t change it. I’m just gonna keep trudging the road of happy destiny.
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Ahhhhhh, someone tell me my disease is a liar. Why did I out of nowhere fantasize a drink followed with a thought that I can just have one… 
. I didn’t …but how absolutely sneaky, scary absolutely horrifically terrifying that I was just washing my face for the night then bam! Out of nowhere here comes this devil of a liar trying to attack when I’m vulnerable. In a split second my mind went somewhere else. And that my friends is what is so scary about this.
I’m grateful for the strength and desire to stay sober more than I want that first drink… just for today…
I pray that my god gives me the courage,wisdom,humility and strength to stay sober in my choices and thoughts.
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You are exactly where you need to be and all those years regardless some good or bad you made it with new wisdom, and it made me smile you should be proud of yourself!
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I’m glad u are able to tell the difference btwn the addict voice and the rational voice. The addict is soo sneaky. I was hearing it today too…it was telling me the weather was a good reason to use, it was saying oh u have 2 weeks tonight… no big deal… u can get that back easily, it was saying that I could use n still be in bed by 10pm for work tmrw morning lol, it was telling me all kinds of things. All LIES! I’m proud of u girl 
And this is why it is so important (for me anyway) to be sooo damn vigilant and consistent with recovery stuff every single day. Our addictions did not take a day off. So neither should our recoveries. Be proud girl and tell that voice to F off! U don’t need it!
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Hello ! 
Checking in 21 days sober.
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That means a lot, I do need to come to this page daily!!! I don’t go to meetings around my house. Bit since day one I’ve been coming here and y’all beautiful people make me feel happy to be myself and know I’m not alone. Thanks for reminding me that this is just as important as making sure I had a12 pk in my fridge.
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I have always wanted to do and hearing your story really brought me back to that. So amazing
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It’s sooo true girl. That voice apparently gets quieter and less often overtime. But it ONLY gets to that point if we stay clean and sober. Thats what i was telling myself today. As soon as we put anything into our system that demon gets released all over again. Drugs n alcohol serve no purpose. It causes us pain 
I was telling myself today also, that “I am worht fighting for”. And you are worth fighting for too xo
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Ok now I’m crying like a baby 
I’m also a recovering opiate addict I quit once I got out of prison back in 2009 I never turned back because that’s where it took me and I didn’t want to end up dead or back there. But oh friendly alcohol was always there to catch me when I fell and like that scene from freddy Kruger when he’s pulling her down into the bed, well that’s how I envision my alcoholism was catching me. The biggest thing that helps me is constantly reminding myself that worrying about tomorrow isn’t helping today so if I just don’t drink for today then I can always have a drink tomorrow… and then wake up telling myself the Same thing just for today.
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Actually it’s a lot easier than I thought, just check with your local shelters, apparently they are always in need of volunteers, we have quite a few in the DMV.
From what my friend told me they always need kitchen help, and usually intake help, manning the front to help people get in and settled,
The nice thing about almost all shelters that I worked with they are drug and alcohol free, so the trigger fear isn’t present
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I would love to be able to help and be apart of a community like that 
I’m going to look into that this month.
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Absolutely 
I can so relate 
I have always used something. I was a meth head for years until I couldn’t do it anymore. My meth addiction took me to shooting up hydromorphs (cuz i couldnt handle the withdrawl from meth anymore) and hydromorphs almost ended my life. I havent even touched opiates or meth since but here I am addicted to crack cocaine. Cocaine always seems to be my fall back DOC. Idk why… it just seems like I have always been scared to live without something as a crutch. And I’m tired of using man made things to try and make myself feel better. All this outter stuff that I use or do to fill that void (the one that I’ve felt since I was a youth) is temporary. And it’s just time to start doing some inner work. Filling that void from the inside 
I’m so grateful ur here. U have a powerful story to tell and recovery IS possible!! We got this ODAAT
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Day 1289. It’s another day. For me, it was a really nice day actually. I know even sober it isn’t like that all the time though.
If you made even just today sober, I salute you. If along the way you shared whatever gifts you may have with another, I embrace you.
Keep on keepin’ on, sober fam.
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