Coffee. I’m off after 2 very busy working days. Thinking about the evaluation for group therapy I have to write today. Ten more sessions to go. What have I achieved and what do I still want to achieve, inside and outside of the group? Hard stuff. I know I made some serious progress in the last -nearly- one and a half years. But on the other hand I’m still the same guy. I stalled a bit since the new year started. Need to make progress again. Thinking about it already helps.
Being here still helps me too. Sometimes I feel like a bit of a loser, when I see so many folks go on with their busy lives after spending a relatively short period of time on the forum. And me hanging around here. But it’s good for me. It suits me to spend time here. This is my support system. This is for me and I get to help some folks sometime too. Win win right? Right.
Have as good a day as you all can friends. Make it sober and clean. I will. Pic is from spring in Texas. It will be spring again and I will be back there too. Love.
@LabLover222 I’m sorry about your SO. You are 100% correct in your analysis. We get sober for ourselves so we can make the healthy and right choices our lives need. Wishing you all success on your continued sober journey. X
This forum has been my main source of support in sobriety and a big one for my mental health. I think that’s awesome and happy to stick around a bit longer because of it. Equally happy for those who find less time for it of course! We’re all winners in our own way.
No point us comparing to each other, we all have our own journeys to make
You are both valuable members here . I think it is great you stick around and give advice or just show it can be done. I know it gave me hope when I first joined. And that goes for other long-timers.
Day 10 ; Can’t even believe I have made it this far, I don’t plan on ever going back.
I have been doing some daily walking to sweat it out , which let me tell you , I do sweat it out , And will be happy when the sweats stop LOL
Sleeping is still going the same, but at least I’m able to get 5 solid hours.
However, even though I’m tired I have more energy than I have had in years , and I’m happy , I have laughed so much in the past week more than alcohol and drugs could ever make me.
This journey is such an amazing experience and you people are such a blessing, all
Your advice and support has been incredible , I wouldn’t be able to do this without each one you
I understand that feeling. I don’t think the word “loser” precisely but I definitely wonder “am I spending too much time here? Is it inconsequential, does it not ‘matter’ in the way other things matter?”
Even the internet lingo “IRL” (in real life) suggests there’s something not “real” about what happens online.
Here is what’s real about Talking Sober and you, Menno:
Dozens of people join every month (sometimes every week), all here because they need help, they need a community, they need a group that can understand and support them.
There are people who read Talking Sober for years without creating an account - for example, Duckie - and it helps them stay sober. Who knows how many are reading right now and still haven’t made their account?
You are a moderator (and even before that, and still, you’ve always been an active member) and that means you play a key role in maintaining this space where people can find their footing, find their path, rediscover their sober, safe humanity. When we come here we’ve been to dark places. Talking Sober, with the active community members and moderators here, is a space where people can recover their humanity.
All that, is real.
Sometimes I think the idea that what’s online isn’t “real” comes from this idea that “you never meet these people, it’s just digital letters on a screen, it doesn’t matter - you aren’t really doing anything”. To me I think that’s like telling an artist that their work doesn’t matter because they’ll never really see the people who see it. “You don’t know them, you never see the people, you’re just putting some colour on a canvas and sending it out into some gallery for people to watch.” And yet - look at the impact art has. Look at the meaning and reflection and growth it prompts.
Are you a loser? It’s not my place to tell you what word to use (or maybe what word a self-deprecating part of you whispers). But I can tell you this: your presence here matters, and it has a real impact. It doesn’t matter that some people leave after a time. People leave hospitals and clinics after a time too. That doesn’t mean the nurses’ and doctors’ and counsellors’ work doesn’t matter. Your presence matters friend
I’m no loser Matt. I sometimes feel a bit like one is what I said . From the view point of schema therapy my punitive and (over) demanding parent modes are telling me this, talking in my head. I’m getting ever better at recognizing those negative voices and defeating them. One negative thought at a time. Expressing these thoughts here helps.
Another thing I’m learning is that my actions and words have an influence on others too. Like saying I’m a loser (which I didn’t quite say, but OK) because I’m still here reflects negatively on others who stay for a long time here too. Sorry for that.
I sometimes use the IRL acronym, but like you I feel it isn’t quite right. This is real life too. I made some of my current best friends online, and I met some of 'm IRL now too. This is real. And it is good and right and fitting for me. It’s right for where I am in my journey and in my life to be here. Thanks friend. I’m glad you’re here.
Thank Menno. I apologize - I think I latched on to the word without thinking of the bigger picture / more nuanced meaning you were using. I didn’t mean to overemphasize it. I was mainly trying to focus on the positive impacts you have and using that word as a rhetorical contrast.
Thanks for replying. I appreciate you and your presence here too
From my perspective: I’m very very thankful for TalkingSober.com. I needed help to deal with my issues and talk to people who were struggling. I check in everyday as a reminder to my brain: We are moving forward, one day at a time. It’s because of this site i found Eazypeazymethod.org. @KevinesKay introduced it to me back in november of last year. Changed my life forever.
Now for the past 20 years i’ve always wanted to be 2 things: Free from my porn addiction and learn to cook.
Today i’m 84 days free and i made dinner for my family last night. Wow, i’m sitting at my desk at work right now, with tears streaming down my face. Now, anything is possible.
This is gold, right here - for every, single life choice! I am struggling with this right now. To go be “employed” or continue to work for myself. It really does relate to everything and it all goes back to fear, usually of the unknown/perceived. Thanks for the nice morning thought to ponder.
One month and 8 days of not weighing myself (eating disorder trigger)
1 day not purging
0 days not getting drunk
I’m going to check in here every day I think.
@Mno and Jené - gold for me, too. I’ve written/talked a lot about living with a fear-based mentality and while I believe I’ve made great strides shifting the thinking, I’m just now getting to action. It reminds me of the saying I’ve heard my dad say so many times over the years - you can’t win the lottery if you don’t buy a ticket. Well, nothing happens if I don’t make a move, any move. Thanks for this reminder.
Congrats on your 44 days. It’s absolutely impossible to quit for someone or something else other than yourself. ( I tried a million times). That’s why it’s such a selfish disease. But you probably already knew all that. He’ll just have to hit his own rock bottom. Hope it all works out for you.
. I think it is great you stick around and give advice or just show it can be done. I know it gave me hope when I first joined. And that goes for other long-timers.
. From the view point of schema therapy my punitive and (over) demanding parent modes are telling me this, talking in my head. I’m getting ever better at recognizing those negative voices and defeating them. One negative thought at a time. Expressing these thoughts here helps.
now too. This is real. And it is good and right and fitting for me. It’s right for where I am in my journey and in my life to be here. Thanks friend. I’m glad you’re here.
