- Coffee. Working Sunday, which is cool because of the extra income working Sundays still generate here in my line of work. I slept OK. I’m sober and clean. I’m off tomorrow. Life doesn’t look that bad this morning.
Have as good a Sunday as you all can friends. Make it clean and sober. No other way to have a decent life for all of us. Love from Amsterdam.
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Had a good heart to heart with my eldest yesterday and we are both feeling happier about a whole lot of things.
Prior to that and feeling so stressed I found myself eyeing out the 1 quarter bottle full of cooking wine in our fridge, that really frightened me. I literally took it out and put it back 3 times. I kept thinking WTF? Like seriously what the hell are you thinking? You’ve seen it every day, why is today any different.
So today that gets tossed down the drain. This “stinking thinking” is getting it’s arse kicked.
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Checking in 38 days sober from alcohol today!
Not been as active recently ive had a poorly dog who was getting better then got hit by a gastric bug too 
she seems a bit brighter today (lots of vet trips!)
Ive been flat myself too dont know whats going on with my body/head tired alot and a dull headache but then when i think back to last time i got to 90 days i also went through this!
Started on the quitting vape recently i was on 18mg then went down to 12 and then to 6. Its not working very well atm so ive decided now is the time to stop it completely so ive made a timer for it and wont be buying a replacement!
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@moonchild7994 I hope your Aunt’s funeral goes/went as well as these things can 
Your hair looks great and I’m glad you’ve made some new friends 
@Deep thank you
@Esme710 congrats on your week 
@Callie99 that’s a huge win, well done! I’m proud of you
@ShesGotMoxie a huge win for you too! I’m proud of you congrats on 6 months
@Chiron thank you I’m sorry for the medical bs you’ve been through too.
@paper_boats I hear you on the cheesballs, they are a weakness of mine too. It’s great how you are finding ways to occupy your time, I hope it helps
@SadMemeQueen EDs are hard , I hope therapy helps I was pleased to read your updates and I’m glad you’re making new friends too sorry about the insomnia, it sounds exactly like mine. 
@Gbw3006 I hope you feel better sending strength
@HannahSara7 Anxiety sucks, sending strength
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@Dee134 congrats on 10 months
@Mno they bloomed! 
@SoberWalker I’m so sorry, 40 weeks is a horrendous time to wait in this pain, hoping you get someone’s cancellation spot asap
@Misokatsu sorry for the relationship struggles 
@JennyH congrats on your week
@Becsta I’m so sorry you experienced such a loss, especially while your children were so young too. These anniversaries are so hard. Sending strength I love the photo 
and I hope you get some good sleep soon
@Cherry_Kisses I’m glad thing are better with you and your eldest yep, that cooking wine has gotta go! I had a can of beer in my fridge that my friend who’s now in prison left last time he was here, it was there for a couple of months, finally emptied it down the sink the other day and put the can in recycling, I feel better when I open the fridge now 
@kat261 there’s nothing to apologise for. Going back to work is a huge adjustment, finding balance can be so hard in that process, but I know you’ll get there congrats on making yourself accountable
@Kacialyn congrats on being allowed back into your boys’ lives so pleased for you
@Rockstar24777 sorry you were there to witness that, and about the nightmares 
I’m pleased you’ve got support I’m so glad it happened in a safe space where people like you were there to help.
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@Matt congrats on 3 weeks and the progress in your life
@Wakikki have a wonderful Mother’s Day with your mom and sister 
@Elk815 congrats on your month
@Clarity I’m so glad you’re feeling better and I agree that this place is magical
@anon53116147 congrats on 4 months
@Olivia congrats on 500 days
@Letthesunshinein I hope you get your money back ‘poison devil breath’ gave me a laugh, congrats on staying away from that
@AyBee that’s a cool catch congrats
@BroccoliHighKicks I hope you feel better soon
@Stormy I’m glad your dog is doing a bit better and I hope you feel better soon too good luck with quiting the vape 
551 days no alcohol.
16 days no cocaine.
13 days no binge-eating.
Checking in for yesterday, I fell asleep before I got around to posting.
Friday night at bedtime, Prince layed by my side in a different than usual position, I started stroking him gently on his right hand side, a few seconds later he got up, hissed in my face, turned around hissing, jumped off the bed hissing, walked into the hallway hissing, walked into the lounge hissing, and altogether hissed about twenty times in a row, yesterday he was hiding all day, he wouldn’t come on the bed with me, it felt so lonely, I can’t think what may have hurt him or what might have been wrong, but he was very wary of me and I was really worried. The only reassuring thing was that he came out and ate at mealtimes and for treats, he did let me stroke him when he came out too. When I first wrote this, it was all in present tense and I was really struggling. But it is now almost 8am on Sunday morning here, and I say this with so much relief; he came back on the bed with me this morning for strokes, twice! 
I’m so happy. I really thought he was going to die, my addict loved this catatrophizing thinking and really wanted to binge. I didn’t.
I managed to get out for a walk for the discounted weekly coffee and to take my mind off things with Prince. It feels good to be doing a few walks again, a short as they may be. I love being outside, it Is always scary and I’m so hypervigilant, but hopefully this will settle as I venture out more and more.
At the Tuesday CA meeting, I gave my number to the guy who chaired, to be added to a WhatsApp group. Yesterday, someone asked if a meeting was on that was in walking distance from my flat! I never knew it existed prior to that, apparently it’s a fairly new one. Someone else replied that it was, so I got ready and made myself go. There were only 3 of us, it was a book study so I took some cash to buy a big book but they didn’t have any, nevermind, I’ll buy one on Tuesday. Until 10mins after the scheduled start time, there was only the man who was chairing and I, in front of me was the ‘Reaching Out’ reading. The third paragraph was hard to read, it definitely isn’t true for me yet, and I said to him that it wasn’t the right reading for me because I’d be lying, but he said it would be true in time. I cried a little when it was time to read it aloud and my voice wobbled a few times. I felt more able to speak at this smaller meeting, I spoke after every time the other two spoke, it felt really good to be part of the conversation, I was amazed with myself. After the meeting the woman messaged me on WhatsApp and it turns out I met her years ago because she was the gf of a friend of a friend, back then I was a blackout drinker so I didn’t remember her at all, I apologised, she said she wasn’t offended.
I feel so much better today knowing Prince is okay with me. I will be keeping an eye on him and if it happens again l’ll have to put him through a visit to the vets.
I hope you all have a lovely sober Sunday
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Day 1197 here. Trying to build a new app for my diabetes therapy. I have no idea what i actually am doing so everything as usual. Have a good and sober Sunday!
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413 days
@Rockstar24777 that must have been a shock and terrifying to see, I wish your client hope for recovery and you a better night sleep and support if you need it.
@ShesGotMoxie Congratulations on 6 whole mo ths of sobriety Carolyn amazing work
@Charlie_C well done they look delicious
@Wakikki wishing your house a speedy recovery and Happy Mother’s day
@Matt Congratulations on 21 days and your share very interesting.
@anon53116147 Congratulations on 4 months you have worked so hard so proud of and for you
@Olivia wow 500 days amazing well done
@AyBee that is a perfect binary catch, Congratulations on your days huge!
@CATMANCAM wow I am so happily impressed you went to the meeting I see huge progress, reading the screenshot - forgiveness of ourselves hard but vital. Happy Prince is back on the bed 
Personal paperwork for me today, dog walk and a pamper to feel good for looming week ahead…
Have a strong 24 hrs 
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So pleased to see you back … and a truly inspiring quote 
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Day 145 checking in have a great day
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I know right, it all feels a bit like a dream thinking back x I feel lucky to have got out relatively scot free too x
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Thanks Matt, I think just more time and keeping consistent and disciplined will see me through. I can feel the change happening slowly but surely. Can’t say I’m never gonna use again but each day makes us stronger right
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Morning all, checking in on Day 8, meaning I made 1 week sober. So proud of myself
We have a busy day today, kids parties, shopping etc. and it is so nice to be facing that sober and refreshed (although still struggling a little with fatigue). It was a beautiful sunny day yesterday, although cold and windy and we were able to make the best of it - lovely walk seeing the Spring bulbs and amazing local history. If ever there was a symbol of hope and new beginnings it is seeing your first daffodil of the year!
Congratulations to everyone posting their amazing milestones, and those checking in when struggling. You all give me hope for the future that it is possible.
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Oh my gosh did they really?!? So all the girls in the windows are gone?
That’s what Amsterdam is known for here, and the weed cafes lol.
So the adult entertainment industry , the window girls have all been shut down?
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Day 551
Glad to see the back of today. The kids had a major case of the sillies, all morning singing loud songs about pee and poo and farts. This afternoon I got the wavy lines in my sight and spacy feeling that signals a headache so had to go to bed. My husband was kind enough to make dinner, instant ramen though it was, but he started nagging me to death about eating more calcium and iron, and that that was why I got a headache. I appreciate the concern, but it really was constant.
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Yes you can. You can sat it. And you can do it aswell.
Hell, if I can do it, you can 
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Great catch!
And a belated welcome to the 1000 club you CHAMPION! 
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I can relate to lots of the stuff you said there, lots of anxious thoughts and worrying that things will not turn out as they ‘should’. What if your purpose was just to be you? To be here in this life wherever it takes you? What if you saw and appreciated how you make a difference and help people in the life you already have? Being sober and taking it one day at a time sound like pretty good ways of fulfilling that purpose if you ask me 
That’s not to say that change is a bad thing. Change is inevitable! I know that when I am reaching for change in my external circumstances, it is often a reflection of something out of balance internally. When I focus on that, my perspective can change. And that helps with the external stuff.
Hope you had a lovely calming lavender bath 
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