I can relate to lots of the stuff you said there, lots of anxious thoughts and worrying that things will not turn out as they ‘should’. What if your purpose was just to be you? To be here in this life wherever it takes you? What if you saw and appreciated how you make a difference and help people in the life you already have? Being sober and taking it one day at a time sound like pretty good ways of fulfilling that purpose if you ask me 
That’s not to say that change is a bad thing. Change is inevitable! I know that when I am reaching for change in my external circumstances, it is often a reflection of something out of balance internally. When I focus on that, my perspective can change. And that helps with the external stuff.
Hope you had a lovely calming lavender bath 