Thank you! I appreciate that you’ve gone back for us. 
410 days
Ticking along, still going gym which is helping with mood and anxiety, and noticed I am sleeping better.
@Clarity good to see you post, fingers crossed you feel better soon.
@anon53116147 rise above the gossip you are certainly better then that
@CATMANCAM good luck today
Have a good, strong 24 hrs all 
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#Day 1240 
Having the day off from work. Going to meet the lady who will set our marriage. Time is going fast now, less than 2 weeks before our wedding.
It’s a very small wedding and it’s surprises me how much I have to arrange for it 
Set the date, arrange the location, arrange the civil registry officer, photographer, rings, dress, weddingbouquet, the witness mariage, weddingcake, hairdresser, etc.
But without the booze eating up my time and making me feel miserable I can handle all this without stress 
And now counting the days before I can wear this lovely ring for the rest of my life!!
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Day 142 checking in
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Checking in
It is currently 1am here. I am sitting in emergency with someone very close to me who is not well. They have medical conditions and with them being sick it made everything worse. I am tending to them and they are asleep now. I am still awake. Tired and I was hungry. Thankfully I was able to get some cheerios with milk, a banana, and some toast to tie me over. My hubby is at home. He is supposed to work tmrw. He texts me saying he can’t sleep and would I be mad if he made a call cuz he was so stressed from everything today. Fuck yes I would be mad. I just gave it to him in a very pissed off polite way. Told him I have to deal to with stress and that I am done with that shit. So done! Started saying that he was supposed to go to work tmrw. Told him he had stuff to pay for soon and to remember that. Then to add to all that, I told him never to ask him again about wanting to use or if it’s okay to make a call, cuz my answer will the stay the same. Im not wavering. Told him that I don’t want to look back at my life and regret what I’ve done… not being a good wife, not living my life to my full potential. Fuck drugs. I am SO sick of it. I have wasted 22 years on what?! Nothing… I am sooo angry. But this anger is a driving force! I’m hungry, angry, and tired. I don’t care anymore how much emotional pain I’m in or wether that stupid addict voice talks to me trying to convince me “just one time”. I have a purpose in my life. And I WILL get thru anything that comes my way, being clean and sober.
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Thanks to @chiron I see this question now. You qualify easily for Regular user in almost all respects. The only thing that you haven’t done enough is visit different topics. Here’s the stat:
Topics Viewed in the last 100 days: 204
Needed number for level 3: 270
So I’d say spend a little time browsing and you should be all set!
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Now that’s setting healthy boundaries Dana! I feel your force here 1000’s of miles away. You’re very strong. You will make it trough this too, as you made it through it all. Fuck drugs. Big hugs to you. Success and strength and get well wishes for your loved one.
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- Coffee. Therapy day. Feeling a little anxious but that’s OK. That’s telling me I’m invested. Therapy means something to me. Living a better live means something to me. Recovery is a verb. Have as good a day as you all can friends. Lets make it sober and clean as it’s the only way towards a better live for all of us. One day at a time.
Pics are from yesterday showing the narrowest street in Amsterdam from both entrances. This was the heart of the Amsterdam red light district. The council recently bought all the little brothels here and closed them down. Curious what the future will bring. Love from me.
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Checking in day 143
Feel bad for not checking in, I just find that writing about my day or feelings tends to make me further depressed. And there’s been alot of depression in my life as lately accompanied by anxiety. I find myself sleeping too much or not at all and my routine that I so sorely desire constantly sabotaged by my own hand.
The only constant is my eating healthy and being active. I love and live for the gym, it is my saving grace.
I find myself going twice a day at times just to combat the anxiety/depression. I run myself to the ground doing everything possible just so i can be able to breathe comfortably. My psych and my therapists seem a bit worried about me but I’m just honestly apathetic over everything. My sobriety doesn’t seem so fragile anymore, but I do find it to be precious. My sobriety is what has kept me alive this long as well as prevented me from further destroying my life. I embrace it, I don’t want to go back to that self destruction and monstrosity that was myself while under the influence. That is not me and I will not go back there again.
I’m always longing for my partner and my family. It hurts a little less approaching the 5 month mark but my feelings for them has not subsided and I doubt it will. Being alone seems to be the only thing that makes sense. I’ve encountered strangers out in my travels that spark up a conversation and everything seems well but then I think of her. I shutdown, every single time. I dont want anyone else, i dont think I ever will. And that’s okay. I’m okay with being alone if I don’t have her. Even with all of the negativity and toxic situations that has occured, all of the pain I have endured, I have forgiven her. I know there is still a good person in her shell. If she never comes back, I just hope she finds someone who she can grow with and be truly happy. She deserves it.
I deserve to be happy too and I will continue finding my way, alone.
Valentines is coming, I will be spending it with my daughter. I’m sure the time leading up to and day of will be undoubtedly difficult.
wherever you are, I hope you are sober. I hope you are okay.
I’m still sober, I just have to worry about being okay.
I miss you, I still call you my partner. My ring never comes off. It brings me comfort, it shows me that I still am yours, even if you don’t want me.
I am enough, I am more than enough.
I used to tell you all of the time that this world is yours, but ya know what?
This world is mine, too.
I plan on getting back to checking in daily here again, hopefully I can stick with it.
I hope everyone is well, and if not, then I hope things get better for you.
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Learning a better positive perspective/way to look at the hard “want to” moments was very helpful to me (especially in the early days).
Instead of white knuckling through them (which takes us back to the self-talk of using the same old solutions which is always easier in the beginning) maybe encourage him to look at these moments as opportunities & to focus ahead. I knew that my cravings and not giving myself permission to act on them were chances for personal growth and moving myself forward to get closer to coming out the other side with less cravings & “want to” moments eventually. Personally, the smooth sailing moments/periods did not teach me anything. The tough moments built up my concrete foundation stronger.
You are doing wonderfully for yourself and such a good example for him. Keep it up,
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You are doing an incredible job. Your strength and conviction is powerful and I feel it.
I’m very sorry to hear about the health of your loved one. I hope you give yourself permission to take extra good care of yourself today. It seems like you are already 
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what a lovely little wallpaper, oh yeah great sober days too 
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It’s sweet isn’t it! The things we find while trawling Google at night instead of sleeping 
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don’t know what your definition of nuts is but I did find that in my sobriety it went from complete boredom and wandering how I was going to get to the end of day to not having enough hours in the day and wandering how I ever found the time to drink and take drugs.
Anyway its great to see you, well done and take care 
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your wedding ring is stunning! How exciting, I must admit i now have hand and ring envy
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Hey all, checking in on day 606. I hope everybody has a good one today!
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Wow Menno change is afoot within Amsterdam! Can you keep us/me posted on what council ends up doing there?
Love how you keep reminding us that recovery is a verb. So, so true 
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Hi, well done for being so strong. I’m curious what your husband’s response to you was. Did he make the call? Is he trying to stay clean too? Sorry if im being too nosey… 
But ive been following your journey and just wondered if he was supportive. 
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Day 85
Just checking in. Hope everyone has a wonderful day!
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Double digits y’all !!
Day 11 
However it seems like much longer than 11 days.
Today was an early start , 5 am came quickly , my son decided it was time to party , I usually loathe waking up early , especially hung over! Waking up sober is a whole different story, I wake up tired yes but still have energy and ready to push through the day, I’m 11 days I have become more active than I have been in 3 years, and I couldn’t enjoy it more 
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