40 days without weighing myself
2 days without purging
Have a good day everyone
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Aaaaaaaannnnnnndddddd BOOOOOOM! Weâll done Dana!
That type of resilience in the face of adversity is why you will make it through!
Big hugs!
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Day 119, coming into my 4 months and man can I feel that milestone, the uneasiness and irritable feeling but I know it will pass. Had a good morning getting autumn off to school. Addie wanted a rest day and to hang out, hey to me self care is important so I said absolutely I donât mind. I thought it would be fun to do a video review with my crazy girls after school on some of my colognes I thought it would be pretty comical for some of yâall, didnât know if anyone would like to see that? And if so how would I post the video here?
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Hey thanks for asking Chris. Yes itâs a hit and miss, I just finished this Sunday and the client loved it, the tattoo group I posted on I got good feed back but posted in my home town and didnât get much feed back. I do have two tattoos coming up this Sunday, I have alot of ppl who message and then never show. I had once person who came for a purple rose on the back of his hand, it took me a while to catch on but Iâm pretty sure he was not in his right mind he kept talking about pain pills and I was doing the tattoo on the back of his hand which was my first. It actually was really hard because you canât grip well, skin is super thin, rough at the same time and just doesnât like ink. But he was in pain instantly and couldnât sit still I started panicking bc I knew I wasnât gonna finish at the rate we were going and tried packing in some of the shading and values with color rather then my black. He left with a ok tattoo that I was going to touch up for free but he never took care of it and let it dry and fall out, not only that he was a dish washer at a restaurant so it fell out and he ran my name into the ground. I know I wasnât the issue but after that tattoo my business slowed down alot. Iâm trying to just let it flow idk sometimes I want to give up but seriously something wonât let me. This tattoo I still want to add a few more high lights in, the pics really donât do it justice it pops very well in person and the stars in the bath pop very nice.
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Thanks I really have so far to go, after every tattoo I see exactly every little flaw and where I could of done better,I hope to be amazing only way to find out is to keep going I suppose. Iâm trying to trust God and let go I hope itâs the right path. Much love hope all is well with you. Still doing alot of fishing?
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Heâs feeling he needs to use to deal with stress. This is a HUGE red flag. I wish I had paid attention to this red flag in my own life. It signaled I was stepping into addiction. I fear heâs tettering on a dangerous precipice. Kudos to you for setting up a strong boundary for yourself. I am so happy for the progress youâve made thru your hard work.
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Hello all! Have a happy sober Thursday and make it a good one!!
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Sorry your loved one is unwell Dana. I m very proud of you for setting that firm boundary with your husband. Hope you are feeling a bit better yourself. Big hugs.
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Haha I vote.
Yes please!!!
The cologne thread needs reviews!!!
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Haha ok, do you know how I would post the video? Can I just upload it, would I have to turn it into a YouTube video
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Day 608 clean and sober today. I hope everyone has a wonderful day, love you guys!!! 
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Back to 40 days .yehaa 
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Day 561
My alarm decided to not go off this morning so I didnât get up to do my workout and I just feel off. I woke up very late so apparently I needed the extra sleep - Iâm grateful I donât work today and was able to get the sleep. But I canât seem to peel myself out of bed now. My mind is racing full of too many thoughts. Too many things happening this week to fully process. Going to pull up a morning meditation and hopefully pull myself out of this funk.
Sending love to you all!
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Checking in day 25! Struggling today tbh with wanting to go back to trying to moderate, feel like Iâm hardly doing anything social since I stopped drinking as I would mostly only drink when out. Got a few plans coming up and in my mind just thinking itâs not going to be as fun if Iâm sober and everyone else is drinking. Problem for me is that my drinking could be fine sometimes, out with friends, who all drink a fair amount. And so I miss that and want to be able to do that, and part of me thinks maybe I can. But then the other part thinks well youâve tried this before and it does work say 60% of time, but inevitably eventually I end up taking it too far and either blacking out, passing out or doing something dumb. 
I donât know. Is just a big adjustment as drinking and social drinking has been such a big part of my life. Anyway Iâm not drinking today so take it odaat 
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Checking in
Day3
Thank you to everyone who responded and gave support I managed to get 2 hours sleep so I am still tired. I am still at the hospital, just having something to eat n some coffee.
I didnât hear from my hubby all last night. He saw my messages at like 330am. I texted him at 730am to say good morning. He asked how my loved one was. I then asked him how he slept and I flat out asked him if he made a call. He told me that he shouldnât have but that he did early this morning. I said, âI figured you would⌠appreciate your honestyâ. He said he held off but was sore and stressed about my loved one. I told him, âYa i do understand ur worry. I was worried too. But i know all to well how people (including myself have made every excuse to use). Whenever u have time to come by that would be nice. Maybe for supper so u that u can get some rest.â
I then said, âAll I ask⌠is that u respect me enough to never ask me again about wanting to use. Not telling me how stressed u are like last sun and I felt bad and caved. Cuz im truly a diff person now and Iâm sticking to it. I hope ull eventually follow along.â And this is where the honesty of the program comes in⌠I have 3 days today. Why? I am not blaming him for my using. I chose to use. I felt bad yes bcuz he was so stressed. I caved. I felt like absolute shit. He knows how much I donât want to use and how it effects me. The fact that he said he shouldnât have used and did, tells me many things. I told him that he never used to have a problem with it, so whatâs going on? And thatâs why I bring up the respect piece to him. To respect me enough to not ask me, donât hint at it, donât mention it⌠nothing.
Iâm sorry this is so long 
itâs just that I am truly on my own within my relationship to be clean. Canât rely on him for support. Wonât say shit but I will be showing him thru my actions how amazing being clean and sober is. Thankfully he never brings it around me when I do say no. But he was at home alone so I guess he gave himself permission. So his actions said alot. I truly can not control people, places, or things. My focus is on me and whatâs important to me. Now the hard work is on me. To take care of me and to keep me clean and sober. I didnât post my clean time the last few days due to embarrassment and feeling so super shitty. But i didnt want to not post here cuz i need u guys hugs. I cant be hiding or keeping things a secret. It all has to be laid out. So i do have 3 days clean and sober. And im not fucking giving in. No one can make me feel anything. No can make me feel bad or shitty or angry enought to use. I have total control over myself and how i feel. I just need to remember that. Let go and Let God! And by the way⌠the hospital croissants are damn good lol
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Sending healing loving positive energy!!! This battle canât be won alone. You are strong and have a desire and that my friend is a better start than most.
Iâm not 100% on your relationship situation but as long as you remain in the partnership with an active user regardless of the time,place or frequency they use itâs almost impossible to stay sober. I have first hand dealt with it. Sometimes the hardest thing in life is to put ourselves first and not allow anything thatâs not aligned with our beliefs to penetrate our spirits energy protection shield. Sending my love keep your head up you got this!
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Welcome to the 40âs 
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Ur absoutly right. I have thot about what I would do if things continued or got worse on his end. I will absolutely give him a chance to improve or change. But if things got bad, id have no issue leaving. O tink every relationship ive been in involved drugs and alcohol⌠with me trying to stay clean and it never worked and I never stayed. I feel like part of the reason that
at he asks me is bcuz I am so used to caving. But so much has changed in the past 2 months. Ive reached 25 days! Stood my ground and said no multiple times. I donât ask about using, donât bring it up, Iâve been saying no. I do know that he probably doesnât believe that Iâve quit. And thatâs understandable due to my track record. But Iâm doing this for myself and he can choose to come for the ride or not. But there will be a price. And if he chooses to get worse, Iâm out.
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That feeling like weâre missing out is hard in the beginning, I think. In our minds, weâve associated alcohol/drugs with fun. Kind of like how we associate, say, heart shaped boxes of chocolates and flowers with Valentines day. It simply âbelongsâ together in our mind.
It sounds like youâre really trying to think things through and keep in mind why you donât want to drink. One thing that I think can be useful, if you donât mind me sharing, is to write a list of activities in a column, then beside each one a number between 1-100 (1 being horrible and 100 being the best) of how fun/good we think it will be and why, then after doing the activity, put the number of what it actually was and why.
Example:
Activity ⌠Preconceived number/ reason ⌠Actual number/reason
Going to dinner with (certain group of drinking) friends. | 48 â It wonât be as fun because we try different drinks and talk about it, and I wonât have that buzzed feeling with them. | 76 â It was more enjoyable than I thought it would be. I tried one of the non-alcoholic specialty drinks and was still able to give input and I got a new perspective on how my friends act while theyâre drunk. Plus I wasnât hung over in the morning!
You could do this for anything, but keeping a little notebook like this can really give you real evidence that you can have fun without drinking and you can look over it whenever your mind tries to trick you with the old associations of âalcoholâ = âfunâ.
You are doing really great at 25 days. Keep it up! 
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February 10
Fun!
âIn recovery, our ideas of fun change.â
Basic Text, p. 107
ââââ=ââââ
In retrospect, many of us realize that when we used, our ideas of fun were rather bizarre. Some of us would get dressed up and head for the local club. We would dance, drink, and do other drugs until the sun rose. On more than one occasion, gun battles broke out. What we then called fun, we now call insanity.
Today, our notion of fun has changed. Fun to us today is a walk along the ocean, watching the dolphins frolic as the sun sets behind them. Fun is going to an NA picnic, or attending the comedy show at an NA convention. Fun is getting dressed up to go to the banquet and not worrying about any gun battles breaking out over who did what to whom.
Through the grace of a Higher Power and the Fellowship of Narcotics Anonymous, our ideas of fun have changed radically. Today when we are up to see the sun rise, itâs usually because we went to bed early the night before, not because we left a club at six in the morning, eyes bleary from a night of drug use. And if thatâs all we have received from Narcotics Anonymous, that would be enough.
ââââ=ââââ
Just for today: I will have fun in my recovery!
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