Checking in day 46 staying accountable is important to me with having a safe place to go to regarding my sobriety.Thank you TS. I’ve been really busy with doctor’s appointments, working and kids. I was almost scammed into a pyramid scheme well I guess I kinda have till I get my $441.70 back. I notified my bank so crossing my fingers. I don’t like that people can take your kindness and passion in your career/ life and use it against you in a selfish way. I pray for protection from these spirits that do harm. Other than that. I am well and in a good place. Haven’t thought much about alcohol. I was invited to watch a band last night and I chose not to go because it was in a bar… just a bar. Not a restaurant/ bar with food and other entertainment so what am I going to do sit around slamming waters while drunk people are screaming in my face with their poison devil breath. No thanks… I didn’t feel like I was missing out on anything either. It felt really good actually I had no desire whatsoever to even be in that setting. It’s also nice to know that changing people in my life who aren’t like minded. I don’t care if people drink and I don’t care if people have a drink around me. What I do care about is if you know I don’t drink why ask me to come hang out in a smokey bar? Oh well I guess they are still trying to figure out how to hang out. I’m open to do anything but hang in a bar… sweet dreams
Checking in at the end of day 246. I am getting a bit nervous about a work trip that I have coming up. I need to come up with some plans for dealing with trigger situations, but so far I have had a bit of a mental block. I am very worried that I am growing complacent.
Had a really good day yesterday and a not-so-bad day today as well, free from my usual Generic Grumpy Feeling. I can’t figure out what I did differently so I don’t know if I can hang on to the Not Awful. 
Anyhoo, I hope everybody’s having a good sober weekend! Congrats, @Olivia !!
Quick check in
Things have been super busy. I’m still sort of recovering from my own cold and from being in hospital the last few days. I am home now tho. Been super emotional lately. Crazy ups n downs. Trying to figure out my passion in life is. I feel like something is missing and Im not quite sure what that is. I think back to the many previous career paths I could’ve taken. To be honest, I do have a passion for personal training and nutrition. Or to be a fitness instructor. I also have a passion for interior design and for the medical field (but nothing that would involve years n years or school 
). I want a career that makes me smile but still am helping people. Idk. I’m 37 years old and I ain’t getting any younger. I have a HUGE fear or not fulfilling my potential in life. I feel like I’m running out of time. I don’t want to live in the city anymore. Id rather live in some beautiful house out in the woods. Be near Mother Nature. Just really find my purpose and my grounding. I think too much lol. But in order to get those things I need to stay clean and sober 1st snd foremost. Tonight I will be having a wonderful lavender bath salts bath eith lavender essential oil. And I will be finally able to get some good rest. I need peace and happiness and serenity and contentment in my life.
I completely understand that it feels horrible to have disappointed people. You can never take back your past, but you can prove to them that you are dedicated to changing. If these are good people, I promise you they will be beyond proud to see you succeed in getting better
Day 990
Very tired today, couldn’t sleep until after 2am. I have that awful super tired feeling that reminds me of feeling hungover, will be grateful when bedtimes comes tonight.
Struggling to stop someone getting under my skin. Know that only I am responsible for how I react and can control how it affects me so I’m trying to let it go but am struggling to bite my tongue. Being super tired doesn’t help the cause 
maybe I’ll just avoid and come back tomorrow after a good sleep lol
Hope you’re all having a lovely sober Sunday 
Hi all just to let you know for accountability I did make it to a meeting tonight but not the gym. Planned to go to gym after this night shift (8 hrs) but it is closed Sun. So will go for a walk after work instead.
Meeting was more important because Nothing in my life can come before my recovery because without my recovery I would have nothing in my life.
I think that is a healthy fear. I love your self awareness and that you are pre-planning for your work trip so you are armed before hand. Listen to those whispers in your mind the ones that are saying things like “becareful” and " you’re slacking". These are the parts of myself that I am learning to trust.
- Coffee. Working Sunday, which is cool because of the extra income working Sundays still generate here in my line of work. I slept OK. I’m sober and clean. I’m off tomorrow. Life doesn’t look that bad this morning.
Have as good a Sunday as you all can friends. Make it clean and sober. No other way to have a decent life for all of us. Love from Amsterdam.
Had a good heart to heart with my eldest yesterday and we are both feeling happier about a whole lot of things.
Prior to that and feeling so stressed I found myself eyeing out the 1 quarter bottle full of cooking wine in our fridge, that really frightened me. I literally took it out and put it back 3 times. I kept thinking WTF? Like seriously what the hell are you thinking? You’ve seen it every day, why is today any different.
So today that gets tossed down the drain. This “stinking thinking” is getting it’s arse kicked.
Checking in 38 days sober from alcohol today!
Not been as active recently ive had a poorly dog who was getting better then got hit by a gastric bug too 
she seems a bit brighter today (lots of vet trips!)
Ive been flat myself too dont know whats going on with my body/head tired alot and a dull headache but then when i think back to last time i got to 90 days i also went through this!
Started on the quitting vape recently i was on 18mg then went down to 12 and then to 6. Its not working very well atm so ive decided now is the time to stop it completely so ive made a timer for it and wont be buying a replacement!
@moonchild7994 I hope your Aunt’s funeral goes/went as well as these things can 
Your hair looks great and I’m glad you’ve made some new friends 
@Deep thank you
@Esme710 congrats on your week 
@Callie99 that’s a huge win, well done! I’m proud of you
@ShesGotMoxie a huge win for you too! I’m proud of you congrats on 6 months
@Chiron thank you I’m sorry for the medical bs you’ve been through too.
@paper_boats I hear you on the cheesballs, they are a weakness of mine too. It’s great how you are finding ways to occupy your time, I hope it helps
@SadMemeQueen EDs are hard , I hope therapy helps I was pleased to read your updates and I’m glad you’re making new friends too sorry about the insomnia, it sounds exactly like mine. 
@Gbw3006 I hope you feel better sending strength
@HannahSara7 Anxiety sucks, sending strength
@Dee134 congrats on 10 months
@Mno they bloomed! 
@SoberWalker I’m so sorry, 40 weeks is a horrendous time to wait in this pain, hoping you get someone’s cancellation spot asap
@Misokatsu sorry for the relationship struggles 
@JennyH congrats on your week
@Becsta I’m so sorry you experienced such a loss, especially while your children were so young too. These anniversaries are so hard. Sending strength I love the photo 
and I hope you get some good sleep soon
@Cherry_Kisses I’m glad thing are better with you and your eldest yep, that cooking wine has gotta go! I had a can of beer in my fridge that my friend who’s now in prison left last time he was here, it was there for a couple of months, finally emptied it down the sink the other day and put the can in recycling, I feel better when I open the fridge now 
@kat261 there’s nothing to apologise for. Going back to work is a huge adjustment, finding balance can be so hard in that process, but I know you’ll get there congrats on making yourself accountable
@Kacialyn congrats on being allowed back into your boys’ lives so pleased for you
@Rockstar24777 sorry you were there to witness that, and about the nightmares 
I’m pleased you’ve got support I’m so glad it happened in a safe space where people like you were there to help.
@Matt congrats on 3 weeks and the progress in your life
@Wakikki have a wonderful Mother’s Day with your mom and sister 
@Elk815 congrats on your month
@Clarity I’m so glad you’re feeling better and I agree that this place is magical
@anon53116147 congrats on 4 months
@Olivia congrats on 500 days
@Letthesunshinein I hope you get your money back ‘poison devil breath’ gave me a laugh, congrats on staying away from that
@AyBee that’s a cool catch congrats
@BroccoliHighKicks I hope you feel better soon
@Stormy I’m glad your dog is doing a bit better and I hope you feel better soon too good luck with quiting the vape 
551 days no alcohol.
16 days no cocaine.
13 days no binge-eating.
Checking in for yesterday, I fell asleep before I got around to posting.
Friday night at bedtime, Prince layed by my side in a different than usual position, I started stroking him gently on his right hand side, a few seconds later he got up, hissed in my face, turned around hissing, jumped off the bed hissing, walked into the hallway hissing, walked into the lounge hissing, and altogether hissed about twenty times in a row, yesterday he was hiding all day, he wouldn’t come on the bed with me, it felt so lonely, I can’t think what may have hurt him or what might have been wrong, but he was very wary of me and I was really worried. The only reassuring thing was that he came out and ate at mealtimes and for treats, he did let me stroke him when he came out too. When I first wrote this, it was all in present tense and I was really struggling. But it is now almost 8am on Sunday morning here, and I say this with so much relief; he came back on the bed with me this morning for strokes, twice! 
I’m so happy. I really thought he was going to die, my addict loved this catatrophizing thinking and really wanted to binge. I didn’t.
I managed to get out for a walk for the discounted weekly coffee and to take my mind off things with Prince. It feels good to be doing a few walks again, a short as they may be. I love being outside, it Is always scary and I’m so hypervigilant, but hopefully this will settle as I venture out more and more.
At the Tuesday CA meeting, I gave my number to the guy who chaired, to be added to a WhatsApp group. Yesterday, someone asked if a meeting was on that was in walking distance from my flat! I never knew it existed prior to that, apparently it’s a fairly new one. Someone else replied that it was, so I got ready and made myself go. There were only 3 of us, it was a book study so I took some cash to buy a big book but they didn’t have any, nevermind, I’ll buy one on Tuesday. Until 10mins after the scheduled start time, there was only the man who was chairing and I, in front of me was the ‘Reaching Out’ reading. The third paragraph was hard to read, it definitely isn’t true for me yet, and I said to him that it wasn’t the right reading for me because I’d be lying, but he said it would be true in time. I cried a little when it was time to read it aloud and my voice wobbled a few times. I felt more able to speak at this smaller meeting, I spoke after every time the other two spoke, it felt really good to be part of the conversation, I was amazed with myself. After the meeting the woman messaged me on WhatsApp and it turns out I met her years ago because she was the gf of a friend of a friend, back then I was a blackout drinker so I didn’t remember her at all, I apologised, she said she wasn’t offended.
I feel so much better today knowing Prince is okay with me. I will be keeping an eye on him and if it happens again l’ll have to put him through a visit to the vets.
I hope you all have a lovely sober Sunday
Day 1197 here. Trying to build a new app for my diabetes therapy. I have no idea what i actually am doing so everything as usual. Have a good and sober Sunday!
413 days
@Rockstar24777 that must have been a shock and terrifying to see, I wish your client hope for recovery and you a better night sleep and support if you need it.
@ShesGotMoxie Congratulations on 6 whole mo ths of sobriety Carolyn amazing work
@Charlie_C well done they look delicious
@Wakikki wishing your house a speedy recovery and Happy Mother’s day
@Matt Congratulations on 21 days and your share very interesting.
@anon53116147 Congratulations on 4 months you have worked so hard so proud of and for you
@Olivia wow 500 days amazing well done
@AyBee that is a perfect binary catch, Congratulations on your days huge!
@CATMANCAM wow I am so happily impressed you went to the meeting I see huge progress, reading the screenshot - forgiveness of ourselves hard but vital. Happy Prince is back on the bed 
Personal paperwork for me today, dog walk and a pamper to feel good for looming week ahead…
Have a strong 24 hrs 
So pleased to see you back … and a truly inspiring quote 
Day 145 checking in have a great day