Day 105 here. Staying positive and loving my new life.
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Hey guys
Checking in day 30.
I had a really strong craving today. I had thoughts to watch prn for the last 2 nights, but were never really intense. Today was very intense and am still feeling them.
I am a bit disappointed as I try to go pass my preventive measures to watch prn. Of course I was unsuccessful. At times it became really overwhelming for me. I just went to sleep.
I know it is not over yet but next time I will be more stronger. Just feeling a bit sad.
@Butterflymoonwoman hey sorry to hear about your relapse. You did really great. You had 25 days. Thats nearly 1 month. You did the work and I know that you will suceed in quiting drinking. Donât be too hard on yourself. Sending strength.
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Congrats on 9 months thatâs a huge accomplishment!!!
I am glad you are right back.
I am not sure this is the case at all.
I saw you fighting and you were fighting hard, using all the tools you had available with all your might. I am definitely not a guru in this department still learning myself, but I have noticed something I will share with you. They say we have a progressive disease and that our disease continues to get stronger whether we are actively using or not. So the way I look at it is like a balance. I have addiction on one side and I have my spirituality/recovery on the other. Everyday they both have to grow AT LEAST the same amount but I prefer to keep my recovery way heavier than my addict. As our recovery ages we need to feed it new pieces in order to keep our spirit fit. There are many different âholesâ in my spirit that took many different types of mending. My healing has not happened only in the rooms of NA, or only in TS. Without all of my different supports my addict would have found a way in, so I have covered my ass everywhere. Full artillery, I will not show up to battle my demon with a steak knife. Fuck that, I donât want to lose again.
So I donât think you should say you didnât fight hard. Sure you shouldnât have followed through with picking up thatâs for sure. But I think you need more supports so you have something to really fight with.
I am going to add a bitâŚ
I read a lot about self care on this forum and I guess I have a very different view of what self care looks like. I canât fight my addict with pretty nails. My addict doesnât give a shit if I smell nice coming out of a long bath.
So as relaxing as those things are and as important as they can be for oneâs mental health they canât be the core of self care. That is the gravy of self care not the core of self care. There said it, itâs been on my mind for awhile.
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Hi Kat here, checking in on Day 172
Looking very forward to hitting 6 months on Feb. 3 I know I can stay clean and sober til then.
Having fun with my sons this weekend. Something @Charlie_C said hit me, I should be going to church. I really want to reconcile with my church community (Catholic), I will send out a couple emails next week. I feel so grateful to have a God who loves and forgives me.
Another Zoom NA meeting tonight looking forward to it!
Love to those especially on Day 1
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Hey all checkin in on day 69. Rough fuckin day yesterday but all good. Hope yous all have a great Sunday.
@anon53116147 Congrats on 100 days very nice job.
@SadMemeQueen 9 months sober. 
@Hazy Congrats on your 3 weeks of freedom.
@Willowwhiny 20 days AF. 
@anon86198612 Congrats on 1 week. Double figures right around the corner.
@Pica Congrats on 33 days. I been feeling kinda the same way itâll pass. Keep pushing forward.
@Butterflymoonwoman Iâm sorry you fell, dont be too hard on yourself, get back up and go again. You were doing greatâ¤ď¸
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I sooo appreciate you!!! You made me laugh so hard reading the last part of ur post 
Addiction absolutely doesnât care how we look or smell lol
So can I ask u then, what does self care look like to u?
I am still learning and I definitly need to build up my army. Will take this week to figure out how I can begin doing this 
and make a plan of action other things to add to .y army
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Checking in
I think from this relapse experience I have learned that I need more support, maybe in person mtgs, professional help, and medication (which I technically should be on anyway⌠will talk to Dr tmrw). And I was also reminded that I can not be slacking or resting on what I need to do. Has anyone ever heard of the story of the 2 wolves:
I feel this is very similar to addiction. 1 side of me is my addictive thinking⌠the other side of me is my recovery and everything beautiful about living clean and sober. The one who wins, is the one I feed. Time to pick myself up and feed the right wolf
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Day 101. Thanks for all the love everyoneâŚwow those bangs seriously are like a drug, I literally could not sleep all night I stayed up untill about 11 this morning, Iâm sure some of the excitement for doing a tattoo has a little bit of help but those bangs are toxic and absolutely trash for the mind and body. My ex and her fiance decided today would be a good day to fight and called me crying asking if she can bring the girls over. my appointment is literally in a hour luckily my mom is here and going to take the girls for a little so I can keep my appointment. I really am grateful to be sober, but Iâll be honest it just doesnât feel the same almost like I donât feel sober, I havenât drank or used in 101 days and I just idk donât feel sober. Maybe itâs my lack of recovery, or exercise or motivation idk probably a mixture of all. Iâm sure Iâm answering my own questions. Much love
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Check in Day 5. Woke up feeling Alot better, lots of energy and excitement. Went to the beach with my boyfriend had an alco free drink it seems to put me at peace the ritual and taste of cracking open a cold cider on the beach. I didnât have any cravings I do still feel an strong feeling of restlessness it is only day 5 after all. I know it get better I spent most of my 30âs sober. You really do get to a point where you donât even give alcohol a second thought. It was more the stimulation I craved than the drink. I know I need to work on that. Grateful for this platform.
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So for me self care started with getting my ass to the Dr. I have fibro and 2 years ago I was white knuckling through daily pain with no meds. Once I had the medication in line my self care looked like getting some mental health support for the chronic pain so I self referred to the chronic pain clinic in my area and now I do weekly zoom groups with them from dieticians to mindfulness. From there I self referred to addictions and mental health because my eating disorder was killing me and there was no support in hospital. Self care looks like doing group zoom meetings with them once a week retaking a 28 week DBT course so I can get the most out of it not loaded. Self care for me looks like going to physio appointments, dentist appointments every 3 months, bimonthly massage and weekly pain injections. I see a psycho therapist bi weekly and an addictions therapist the opposite weeks to her.
Self care to me, like the real care that I take with my self is when I am getting the glue out and putting the pieces back together so they are going to hold tight. I am not just using a bandaid.
So thatâs the stuff I do behind the scenes and then ontop of that I do meetings, read lit all the time, I have sponsees, I am involved in three book studies right now.
Dana, I am an addict. I donât know about you but when I am in active addiction itâs dark. This is what I NEED TO DO to stay clean today.
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Yeah man, those Bang drinks are no joke. I drank one on an empty stomach once by mistake and I legitimately thought I was going to have to go to the hospital because my heart was racing so fast and I felt so sick.
Iâm sorry to hear youâre struggling a bit though, is there anything you can think of that would help you focus on your sobriety that you can do now?
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Yeah itâs definitely hard to explain. Maybe over stressed but I just feel out of it, honestly Iâm open to suggestions. I need to read some sober literature or try some meditation. I donât feel in any danger of using drugs or alcohol as of now
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I canât remember if Iâve seen you post in these threads so ignore me if I missed it lol but Iâve found these big book study chats really interestingâŚ
Big Book Study, There is a Solution. chapter 2
Iâve never done AA or the steps but itâs been very informative and definitely given me something to do so that I can focus on my sobriety at least a little everyday.
Check it out if youâre interested. There are 3 threads total now and theyâre all linked together.
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Thanks man, I did see it I will start participating. I did start watching I am bill
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Day 11. Time for myself to participate on here. Staying strong and keeping myself busy. The only expectation for today is not to drink. 
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Congrats on 11 days. Some of those early days all that matter was not picking up. Nothing else matters. I had quite a few of them. But if I hit the pillow sober. I had a very successful day in my opinion. Keep reading around here. Memes. Pets. Support. Hit the gratitude thread It works. Find some fun gifs and congratulate someone. Great job on day 11.
Just donât pick up.
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Thank you! Will do. I know itâs a long road called life! And I want it back!!
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Itâs worth it. And so are you. I wouldnât want to do those 11 days over again. No fucking way. I think I spend too much time on here. Well, I still do. Small price to pay for my sobriety.
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