Except for cocoa. Really hit the spot. Thought about calling my neighbor for a ride home (buses don’t run on Sunday). Then I said to myself, “Hey, assbag”, (my inner voice isn’t very nice to me) “if you can’t carry this backpack 3 miles on a paved bike trail, you’re never gonna make it around Lake Tahoe.” So I did it and felt great. My feet didn’t hurt like they do after work.
I am 277 days clean from self harm. Last night I made a list of why I am choosing to stay clean and I’m going to keep it as a reminder during difficult times.
Today has been easier than most other days. Not good by any means, but not wanting to relapse which is better than the last month or so. My fibromyalgia is really flaring up today so there’s not much I can do other than stay in bed.
Wow… I’ve never heard that before. I’m actually kind of speechless. I got a whole lot of self love out of that saying. Wow… thank you so much for sharing that. I bookmarked it myself too. Thank u!
Checking in
2 years 3 weeks AF As Fuck!
164 days no extra added sugar.
Every alcoholic can relate to the sorry life of Gollum and his malign relationship with My Precious. We have our own Precious that so efficiently usurped our lives to hijack our limp will. But here we are now, sober and strengthened in our resolve to beat our own Precious demons.
That’s amazing! Way to go on not drinking! I bet camping and being out in nature is incredible being sober. The woodsy smells and the beautiful night sky! I absolutly need to get out in the bush sometime soon
It was awesome! My HP and spiritual beliefs are nature (Native American & Wicca) so I find it healing to lie on the earth, surrounded by trees. The first time out in my new tent it was raining. The pitter-patter on the tent along with the wet-earth smell was intoxicating!
Not yet, I’m new to this. I did attend a smudging while I was doing inpatient. That was a while ago. I want to get into a sweat, the Potawatomi reservation isn’t too far away. Sadly, many of my native friends have died, usually from alcohol.
I wouldn’t mind getting into drums, though I doubt my neighbors would like it. And they definitely do want to hear me sing!
I recently found out that a worker at the corner store is Wiccan. She knows I want to get together and talk sometime, but I’m not sure what to ask her.
Hey Dana.
I’ve been wanting to weigh in on your relapse. I just don’t know what to say. I was walking and praying for and about you with the dogs today. For God to give me something. Please give me something to say to this beautiful child of yours
I kept thinking fear. What is she afraid of? There’s got to be something that terrifies her of something she has to do to stay clean. Or is she just afraid to stop using? What are your fears Dana? What are you afraid of? What is it about your addiction that you get so far and then ………… shit I don’t know. You get scared and use again. Why is she really self sabotaging?
You don’t have to answer me. Just thinking out loud, or in print, and know I care for you. I really don’t know.
But I do know one thing. You’re one of the bravest most courageous on here. You keep coming back. The fucking Addiction devil knocks you down again. And yet you never give up. Never give up Dana. Never give up.
Love you
I luv u too Eric! Everyone on here is so damn incredible! And what u posted literally brought tears to my eyes bcuz what u wrote is just soo genuine and so real. Honestly Eric…I am scared. I try not to be… fear or faith right? But I had to really think about what u said… and as messed up as this sounds, i think I’m sort of scare of not experiencing suffering. I don’t think I know how to handle it… u know… being at peace. As far back as I can remember there has ALWAYS been something “wrong” with me. I seriously don’t know how to not use drugs. They have been apart of my life for 22 years now… but even tho I say that I know in my heart that is not the way I wanna live. When I really look inside myself and listen to myself, I know the answers. I want to live clean and sober… I love how I feel when I’m not putting toxic stuff into my system. I love the benefits if not using. I think I’ve created a comfort zone of being unstable and unwell and addicted and having to just survive. Im just so tired of needing help and needing support. I used to think I was a lost cause… but im not. And no one on here is either. But fear… ya as much as I don’t want to admit that… I absolutely think I’m afraid. Afraid of feeling? Afraid of change? Afraid of success even? Afraid of living clean? Afraid of dieing an addict? I’m afraid of it all Idk. I have to really think about this. But thank you SO SO much for the prayers. Thank u for being there for me Eric and being such a good friend. It feels good to know that I have u and others in my corner. Luv u!
I don’t know. I’m glad you got some food for thought anyway. If I knew the secret I’d tell everyone.
I remembered early on for me, three or 4 months in. I read or someone wrote somewhere. They realized it wasn’t that they were afraid they couldn’t stop whatever they were using. It was that they were afraid to be sober. For some reason that click a brighter switch on in my sobriety. I was afraid to live.
Again. I don’t know. But that’s always stuck in my mind.
@YeeYeeViking congratulations on 1 whole year of sobriety @KevinesKay 90 days @Butterflymoonwoman, I remember the frustration of a relapse, one minute feeling strong next minute the overwhelming urge/craving which constantly won the short battle. When analysing what changed for me is reading Annie Grace it just clicked, and my last relapse nearly finished me physically and mentally I had no choice… I see you fighting and “tooling” up so keep at it, self care is important, but self care of the soul (this is my area I am on) I precieve this as vital. I have every faith… delete those numbers
Congratulations on 1 year!! 
Idk. I have to really think about this. But thank you SO SO much for the prayers. Thank u for being there for me Eric and being such a good friend. It feels good to know that I have u and others in my corner. Luv u!
