I could open a shoe store lol 
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The likes limit incentive when your membership level increases 
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Evening check in
Day 6
I always find evenings to be the hardest when it comes to stress levels. It takes alot of strength to not get irritable towards others. Itās not fair to everyone else if I pass my anger and irritability onto them when they have not done a single thing. Something I am trying to be aware of. Anyway, I literally feel like I burn out every night. Itās like the events of the day sort of build up. Even the positive stuff I do builds up. Ud think the positive stuff I do would helpā¦ and they do in that moment, but itās still work Iām hoping that these positive coping things become more 2nd nature so that it doesnāt feel like work down the road. Coming back up to 1 week tonight! Excited to keep going. Hope everyone is well 
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Ive found hot tea, a hot shower, and meditation on Insight Timer. Free app with so much about meditation and nice white noise to fall asleep to
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Day 283 clean from self harm.
I was around my entire family for the first time in a few weeks. (I usually see them weekly but my grandpa was in hospital for a while, heās ok now)
I forgot how terrible they can be. I love them to death but they do so much damage to my mental health. Theyāre all I have, no matter how toxic and abusive they can be.
Iām 50/50 on if Iāll still be clean in the morning. Iām in such a low spot lately. I went from not wanting to relapse at all for months to it being constantly on my mind now.
Iām going to try to sleep early in hopes I get through tonight easier.
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Family can abaolutly be tough to be around. I love my family too but same for the mental healthā¦ I remembered why I left a long time ago. Iām glad u came on here n posted. I always find that helps me. Sometimes I just need to end the day by going to sleep early. Wake up in a whole new day with hope and new possibilities 
I hope ur night is peaceful
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Day 40 alcohol free and Iām feeling pretty proud of it. I attempted to go to an AA meeting againā¦ lost my nerve in the parking lot (again) but hopefully third times a charm? Iāll try again tomorrow 
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There are online venues!
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I came to a very liberating decision yesterday. I work for a cleaning contractor sanitizing the local health clinics. Between clocking in and taking off to our work areas, we always have āthe huddleā, where the supervisors give us any specific assignments for the day. Yesterday they just wanted to bitch at everybody. Briefly, the whole thing was just insulting. And the day before, he accused me of smoking weed before work (I havenāt smoked in years). So I was heavily pissed. But my HP told me:
āThese people asked you when you started if you were going to stick around or just get a couple of paychecks and leave. You told them you wanted stability and intended to be there at least six months. Itās been six months and you have your stability. You have your apartment, a fridge full of food, an internet connection, even those parasites at the collection agency are squared away. It may be time to move on. You made plans 6 months ago, but youāre stagnating now. Which might be why youāre always in a crappy mood. Perhaps this is happening because itās time to move on.ā
So Iām looking for a new job Monday, preferably in the computer field, and Iām going to start the online CompTIA+ classes I promised myself. And Iām finally going to the gym on a regular basis. 
So I guess Iām doing ok.
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Good luck Mark. It sounds like a well thought out plan. And great job not reacting in anger.
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I remember that feeling when I was still drinking and working as a PT. I was or maybe seemed fine and encouraging and happy towards my patients but once I got home: batteries low. I felt drained all the time. I was giving and never reloaded. Instead I drank to fill the void or numb the silence. I was giving more than I had to give.
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You definitely arenāt wrong about āseeing signsā. Iām a firm believer that HP is in all the little details of our lives and makes multiple attempts at directing and redirecting our steps or our drive and passions. Itās simply up to us to awaken and adhere to them.
Glad you saw it as such and are working towards it.
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Thanks! I have a history of walking out of jobs, unfortunately. I figured Iād break my cycle of stability followed eventually by self-sabotage. I just made a decision instead of gritting my teeth until I stormed out in frustration. 
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You are doing MORE than okā¦sounds like to me. Good reflecting. Thanks for sharing.
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You have the power within you to make any choice. You can believe the lies of your adversary which probably resides in your head telling you to be depressed and whatās one time gonna do or other bs lies ā¦
Or you can remember all you e gained from your sobriety. New friendships perhaps? Newfound integrity and feeling good about yourself in some area?
People may trust you? Hopefully youāll choose to flip your perspective and see all the goodness thatās come from staying away from your addiction.
The power is within you to beat that lie into submission . You do NOT have to drink or use or whatever is harmful to you. You do NOT have to feel low just because some in your family do or say what they do. You do NOT have to give anyone else or anything else more power over you .
You can succeed today and tonight with sobriety and wake up with your head held high.
Praying for you.
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- Coffee. Working Sunday. Alarm went off in the middle of a dream. Now trying to wake up. I will. Iām sober and clean. Iām here with all of you. Together weāre working on a better life for ourselves. One day at a time. Have as good a day as you all can friends. Make it clean and sober. Lots of love from Amsterdam and Texas. A sunny happy memory from the Hill Country.
@Wakikki Happy to see you and congrats on 30 days!
@Jesile Big congrats on 90 days Jenny!
@SadMemeQueen Thinking of you Megan.
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6M
14D
Stayed away from the first one, wasnāt even
looking for it at Bday dinner with Sonās tonight as younger one had 2. I was just happy to be with them and enjoying tea. I was nervous but feel grateful for the pleasant visit. 
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Yes indeed. Itās time.
Make it happen
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Congratulations @Wakikki 
and @Jesile
#Day 1229 
Made a tattoo appointment yesterday. I have a spot left on top of my arm what needs to be filled 
Want a tattoo to remind me of the wedding without a name ore date. Find something I like very much so went to the tattoo shop to make the appointment.
And what was the date they came with? The day after the wedding! Thatās a sign!
So happy with it!
Thought I had to wait for months at least now the shops are open and have to reschedule al the appointments that where in lockdown time.
In the evening we went for a moonwalk! Look how beautifull this is:
Itās art in our church. Itās a 7 meter big moon!
I enjoyed being there so much! It was so beautifull and serene! Sorry for this much photoās but I needed to share it with you all.
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