that’s brilliant, well done you 
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Very very thankful. 
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Day 26 
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2 weeks!!! woot Woot!!!
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Day 118 and still sober. Faced my hardest tests to date and made it through sober. I’m exhausted but happy to be sober.
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Checking in 24 days! It seems easier this time with my TS people and higher power. Last time I tried to do it by myself and that simply doesn’t work. Planning on making macadamia nut and white chocolate cookies in between football games today for family that is here. All is good!
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60 days sober today. So grateful for all your shares and insights into sobriety. Reading every day is what kept me on track. Thank you TS people. 
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Congratulations !
This is so huge, I’m super proud of you.
I thought about you last night. I had some pretty strong urges to self injure but thinking of your post and how hard you have been fighting lately helped get me through. I will be 10 months tomorrow. Thanks for the extra strength.
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I can relate. I’ve been there for my kids ,sober, when their dad has let them down a few times, they’re old enough now to question it and get angry and upset, I say I know I know I’m sorry,and they say why are you apologising it’s not your fault… I’m grateful I am present in their lives and be there for them through disappointments
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My heart feels crushed into a billion pieces, fuck I don’t want to feel this
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Wow it is a very similar view of the rocky mountains that you see here in the front range of Colorado!
Nice pic @Butterflymoonwoman
Bye for now…
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Just want to check in, so my ex messaged me after she left asking if I can take the girls tonight bc she got called Into work,I said yeah. So they came home at 6, the girls with they’re mother don’t argue, fight or scream or anything. When she told them no to the party you could tell they were sad but literally didn’t even fuss about it…if I would of said no they would of through a fit and said NOOOOO daddy plz plz can we go and pestered until we went. I love my girls to death I’m glad and grateful they came back home, but I’m burnt out, I’m not use to having them so much which I feel like shit for bitching about it. But I need to find healthy ways besides yelling and screaming to get them to listen, I tell them no to snacks it’s instant screaming, I tell them no to literally anything and it’s instant screaming, won’t let me wash hair without fighting or brushing teeth, I understand this is typical kid stuff, but even when I try the nice soft gentle approach or acting like it’s a game or challenge it still doesn’t work. And I’m just sick of being angry all the time. I love my girls so much and I don’t want my anger to push them away as they get older. I really am the type who needs to be able to build my energy back up and have some quiet time to get my head right, which yes I do have alot of quiet time too sometimes, but I can’t even walk away from my girls for a second without them being there or following me. I literally have to walk them to the bathroom every time bc they are scared for some reason. Idk if they have classes for kids or what I need to do I just want to give them their best life and I really do feel like a idiot for this post.
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Checking in
Day 7
Need to just get some input on something if u all don’t mind. Here’s the situation:
I got a fb message from an old friend from back home in Winnipeg. Her and I met at 12 step meetings. We were friends back then. Anyway, she apparently also moved to calgary a few years ago (which i didnt know until about 6 months ago). I haven’t seen her since Winnipeg. Anyway, she messages me asking me for a cake for her adult daughter’s bday. Thats fine. She etransfers me $50 to male the cake and the remaining $50 is to be paid at pickup (this is how I do things so that I’m not out of pocket in case someone doesn’t show). I make the cake. I messaged her at our agreed pickup time. No answer no call no nothing. I literally waited 2 hours for any sort or response back. I had this weird feeling something wasn’t right. Anyway, she video calls me and she’s messed right up! Not well… looking awful… could barely speak. Anyway, she tells me that her daughter is coming to pick up her own cake. So 30 min go by. Her daughter contacts me. She’s here waiting out front. I asked of her mom had given her the $50 that was owed to me. She had no idea about the money. We both tried to contact her mom, again no answer. I go downstairs and talk with her daughter. She didn’t know that I knew her mom from Winnipeg. She thot I was just the cake lady. We started chatting. She didn’t even know her mom got her a cake. Her mom just sent her this way to pick up a surprise. I asked if her mom was okay. She said her mom was “sick”. Her eyes started getting glossy 
I can read people pretty good I think and I could tell she was just trying to hold it together and be strong. She went out to the truck and her hubby gave her the remainder of the money that was owed to me. She kept applogizing and I could tell she felt embarassed by her mom. I thot Id open up to her and just let her know that I knew her mom from back home and we’d go for coffees n stuff. She knew I was referring to coffees after meetings. I told her I was a recovering addict and that she doesn’t need to apologize or feel bad. I told her that I do understand. I told her that I appreciated the $$ but that I honestly just wanted her to have a good birthday. She insisted I take the money and that her mom will pay her back. She told me her mom was struggling with meds (but to be honest it doesn’t add up… and we as addicts just know). We chatted abit. She said I could add her to fb as a friend. She saw the cake and her jaw dropped and she just smiled (which was so nice to see). I just felt her pain… it broke me honestly. We chatted abit and then she gave me a hug. Once she got home she said her, her hubby, and their son dug into the cake right away and they LOVED it!! She thanked me and accepted my friend request. I am heartbroken 
I feel very shitty… bcuz I took that money from her that shoukd have been paid by her mother (my old friend). Yes it was owed to me… but idk… I just feel like maybe I shouldn’t have taken it. I know her mom and idk I just felt the lonely birthdays that her daughter must’ve had etc. I’m confused… im motivated more than ever to stay clean… I just don’t know. I’m angry at her mom but I also understand. I just am all over the place.
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That’s all you need Dana. Otherwise they loved your cake. You talked about real stuff. You got the money you was owed. Try to feel good about it. Sounds to me like you did a great job on all fronts. You took care of your friend, of your friend’s daughter, and you took care of yourself by doing a great job, by getting what you’re due, by connecting to the daughter. You gave and you received. Good stuff. Hugs.
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Thank u… I appreciate u saying this. I guess I never really saw the effects of addiction thru a family members eyes. She’s not related to me but to see her pain… I just felt it… her whole aura was her trying to be strong but inside she’s hurting. That’s what I felt from her. And she told me that her mom tries so hard to not disappoint her. And I just felt all of that. And it hurt me and made me angry at drugs. Just to see sort of 1st hand how addiction effects the family. It killed me inside.
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Checking in on day 223.
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- Coffee. Woke up after only a couple of hours of sleep and can’t go back somehow. That didn’t happen for a long time. Got a long day ahead, too busy at work with way too little regular workers there. Meetings to attend. Ill residents. Ill coworkers. Outside the wind is picking up as North Sea storm Corrie is about to make landfall here with 120 km winds predicted. It should calm down a bit in the afternoon so I can go north of town after work and pick up some special local bread for my friend’s daughter’s 13th birthday tomorrow.
O well. I’m sober and clean and it’s nothing I can’t handle. Being here this early gives me time to read around a bit. And have loads of coffee. And wish you all the best of weeks, or at least as good as you can all make it. Let’s all make it clean and sober to begin with. That will help make our lives liveable and our problems manageable. Love from Amsterdam.
@Butterflymoonwoman Instead of letting it kill you inside let it make you stronger in staying clean. Draw the line. Never again. Start healing, by doing exactly what you are doing right here right now. You’re doing well.
@anon53116147 Please never feel like an idiot sharing your honest life Mike. Life’s hard and we need to share. We can’t keep it all inside because that leads us back to using and worse. Keep coming back. Thanks for being here friend. It helps. You help. Love.
@Callie99 Feeling the feels can be bloody hard Caroline. Sorry for your pain.
@SadMemeQueen Very glad to read this Megan. That’s huge. Be proud. I am of you.
@Pandita 60 Days! Big congrats!
@anon86198612 You’re doing this Kaitlyn! Yay you!
@DTC52 I’m glad you’re here Dan. Indeed make sure to learn something from this. And please know that it weren’t the triggers that made you do it. They triggered you. But you did it. The addict inside your head did it. There will always be triggers and it can be good early on in sobriety to avoid them, but in the end there will always be triggers. Wishing you all success.
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I wish they came with a manual! Don’t feel like an idiot. Being a parent is hard!
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