Awe Matt this made me smile 
thank u! Emotions are a tough one for me too. I have always done something to try and fix my feelings, wether it be food or shopping or exercise or drugs or sex or anything. 1 other thing I found that really helps me to get out of myself and my āstinkin thinkinā is being of service to others. I will literally ask my HPā¦ what can I do today to be of service to someone else? Getting out of myself ALWAYS helps me and improves my mood
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Thank u! I will go on there soon I need to do that actually hugs!
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Congrats on day 44.
Lean on us when youāre willing.
The euphoria of recovery might just come back and give you a big happy hug tomorrow. Or the next day.
One day I wouldnāt be feeling it. And then all of a sudden. Bam 
. Itās back. Then it leaves again. Go figure. 
Those dang feelings.
Iāll leave this here for whoever might want to read it.
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Gosh 600 days thatās great work Rob well done
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1000 congratulations sent to you.
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Congrats on the 600. Happy for you. 
Welcome to the 600 Club Rob.
You fucking rock star you
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This is awesome!!! Congratulations, Rob! 
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Massive congratulations @AyBee and @Rockstar24777
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Thank you Rob!
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Thank you @seb!!!
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Thank you @Hopeful777!!!
Awwww thanks @ShesGotMoxie i love the pic 
I had to edit because I ran out of replies so Thank you very much @Dazercat i love that pic too!!! 
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@SadMemeQueen Iām sorry youāre struggling? 
Are you getting any support for your mental health from a doctor or therapist?
@Dolse71 thank you congrats on 500 days
@Bomdhil thatās the spirit! Congrats on your week
@Hopeful777 thank you
@SoberWalker beautiful photo, I love it when the sun shines through the clouds like that, it gives me hope, much like my profile photo 
I hope the ring fits 
is it your birthday today?
@Matt glad you shared but Iām sorry youāre struggling, sending strength, I hope you find whatās missing 
@Lotusflower Happy Birthday Pey Pey! 
What a cutie I love the balloons and the colour of your sofa 
@Rockstar24777 congrats on 600 days you rock!
@AyBee congrats on quadruple digits 
@RosaCanDo belated happy 40th birthday Iām sorry it has left you with a flare, sending well wishes 
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Hi Cam. Thank you on all fronts. Glad too see you checking in. I meant to chime in but someone recently was responding to your post and mentioned how kind of a soul you are. I second that I feel your beautiful energy. Blessings my friend.
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@Butterflymoonwoman congrats on double digits
541 days no alcohol.
6 days no cocaine.
I have literally had enough of my addict 
he knows that the door is finally closed on alcohol, and cocaine, so now heās trying to lead me down new roads. I have a good friend that Iāve only met once, years ago, but we speak on WhatsApp every day, have done for a few years now. Today was the first day he couldnāt obtain weed and discovered he canāt until Friday. Iāve been talking to him all day to help keep him distracted, but then he sends me a screenshot of something, and Iām not going to say what, because it clearly triggered me and it was an avenue to obtain that has never in 22 years crossed my mind, so I wouldnāt want to put the idea in anyone elses head. Anyway, off my addict went, into a very dark, very steep, all consuming, black hole, seeing what he could find, and he landed on pills, strong pain pills, and he tries to convince me that they would be good for me, because I am always in so much pain, itās relentless. Somehow I dragged that demon out of that black hole, told him a firm no, and came on here to continue catching up on some other threads, but I literally have tears in my eyes typing this because the pull was so strong, he TERRIFIES me, it really is like another person or a seperate malfunctioning brain is inside me/my skull. It makes me feel so unstable and vulnerable. Addiction is so fkin powerful. It breaks my heart.
Sorry, I had to get that out.
The hospital havenāt called today either, I even called them at 5pm to query it and the lady assured me that I would receive a call by 8pm, itās past 9pm here now and nothing. Itās so frustrating because I donāt have reliable phone signal where I live so I have to sit in certain places around my flat from 8am-8pm waiting, hoping that theyāll call.
I have a minor surgery on my bladder tomorrow morning, my dad is driving me to the hospital and home again, so I can give him his card and presents then. Then in the afternoon my GP is calling, so I need to remember everything I need to talk to him about, I will write it down before I go to sleep tonight.
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Cam
So happy you said no and resisted the addict brain. Youāve done it before you can continue saying no. Maybe itās best to give that particular friend a break for now.
Glad you made the choice to come on here instead
All the best for a smooth surgery tomorrow. I as well am a list person it helps tremendously.
Stay strong sending you hugs!
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Thank you Des
I will definitely keep coming here, Iām just so thankful I was able to take back control and do the right thing today. I donāt feel strong when heās in control. Iāve lost many battles with him during the 50 day relapse, and I know Iām very lucky to be alive, I feel battered and weak, and Iām not having much look getting medical intervention. Trying to be hopeful that the call with the GP tomorrow will get things in place. My friend realised that he had triggered me and apologised, Iām confident he wonāt show me things like that again, but if he does he will be crossing a boundary and I will know to take a timeout.
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My birthday is tomorrow the 3th. The ring is a bit to big but it doesnāt fall off so I think Iāll keep it 
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Day 288.
First morning coffee I the new home
I woke up to peafefulness. I slept like a baby.
I have tall bamboo growing outside my window.
As I sit here and look at it, itās almost poetic that I am like bamboo. If anyone knows how bamboo grows. If not, it does a thing where is doesnāt grow for a very long time initially, it maps and plans it way. Then it shoots up out into the sky really fast , growing into its full glory and heightā¦ well something close to that, I donāt know the scientific explanation or botany explanation of it, but it goes something like thatā¦
I feel that Iām a metaphor for bamboo in sobriety.
I was not growing. I was making and planning my way and I stayed motionless. Then I grew. Fast and strong with a map and a plan to reach great heightsā¦
The height wave is finally over.
As I lay in bed, it has stared to rain. Itās actually cold out side. Itās nice. Itās comforting . The heat was so unbearably uncomfortable.
I have the day off work. I will unpack as much as possible. Go shopping for house things I need.
I did a BIGGGGG Marie Kondo declutter as I was packing yesterday.
I literally threw out all my furniture and electrical things.
I came only with a mattress. A television. Clothes racks. My clothes/shoes. And of course, my French press coffee maker.
I left all I could behind so that I can start fresh. New house new energy.
Waking up this morning on a mattress on the floor with no bedbase was actually rewarding. It gave me the feeling of starting new.
There is an echo in my home it is that empty. I love it. So much space and possibilitiesā¦
On my 288th day Iāve woken up with so much gratitude for my sobriety. It is because of it I am here todayā¦
And Iām grateful for all of you amazing friends aswell 
Oh and I have a new house pet, itās a plant šŖ“ it was a house warming gift. I will endeavour to keep it alive 
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