Son was playing with his friend, so took daughter to the pool. She can be a little madam, but that obstinacy meant once she got the knack of backstroke she was determined to swim the whole length, and she did. It was good to have some time just the two of us. Son is really getting into Back in Black by AC/DC, keeps trying to play it over and over. I am happy he is applying himself to something. It is also time he can spend with his dad. I really need to do some organising of clothes and paperwork, but keep procrastinating. Wish I had that organising drive, but I donāt.
Checking in on sobriety day 327. Made myself a fried egg and some coffee before the kiddos wake up today. The shape of the cracked egg formed a heart while it cooked. Thought that was cool. It made me think of how much I love being sober, being awake and aware to talk with my wife as she gets ready for work, being there for my kids, and being able to appreciate the little things like a stupid egg that forms into a heart on the stove lol. Iām going to eat this, cook some for the kids, then head to the gym. Helping my wife out with her stats homework later then heading to the ball fields for 2 of our kidsā practices if the weather holds off. Have a great day, everyone. Itās a great day to be above ground and sober.
I got an email from a friend last night that annoyed me. I have told him several times that I only want to be his friend if he is sober. He tells me that he hasnāt used cocaine this year at all but that he doesnāt think he needs to be 100% sober from alcohol for himself, and can we go for a walk together sometime.
I found myself ruminating about this for ages once I was in bed. I just canāt listen to him justifying continuing to drink while Iāve reached the conclusion that I donāt want to. Itās not as if heās asking me to go for a drink with him or anything, but weāre just not on the same page. I donāt even know why Iām feeling confused about this though.
Yesterday was my 9 year wedding anniversary. I didnāt even realize until about 5pm!!
Iām desperately trying to get a divorce but the state I live in has difficult divorce laws. You have to be separated for a year before you can file for divorce. But there is no legal separation process. So the best way to prove that itās been a year of separation is to have one person move out. But if a person moves out without a legal agreement, they can be faulted with abandonment. Itās so f@cked up.
Long story short, I bought our house almost 2 years ago. My husband didnāt give me a penny for the down payment even though he told me he would give me half. He hasnāt paid anything towards the mortgage since, and he thinks heās going to get the house in the divorce process.
So without sayingā¦. Last night when I remembered it was our anniversary I didnāt want to draw any attention to it. I had already started cooking a nice dinner, cause I wanted it. So I continued to cook and sat and enjoyed it with my son instead
Normally if I had been drinking I would have made a big deal about not making a big deal of our anniversary, if that makes sense. Iām so glad I was sober and clear headed!!!
Itās Jay Mascis from Dinosaur Jr.ās signature model. Came in as a trade in and the guy at the guitar center here knew I been looking for one so he called
Me right away
Heading into day 168. Morning was ok, but I need to figure something out for better mornings, idk if I need to wake the girls up earlier but a better routine is needed, it was stupid of me but long ago the first thing the girls asked me to use was my phone when waking up. Didnāt know it at the time but it was a terrible idea and now breaking that habit is hard, but will get through itā¦ Recently just started listening to Mac Miller again, I use to listen to him when I was younger. But he just popped up on my Spotify and itās wild to listen from when he first started some of his first albums he sang so happy, talked about some pot and stuff in it. But as he went on you could hear his depression and was always singing about harder drugs and how they were going to kill him. Which eventually happened, but I like relating to him and enjoy his music. Getting a tattoo drawn up for my sister going to do it for her as a birthday gift. So that will be fun will do it Sunday. Excited for my new meds today I really hope they help. They are just meds you can get off Amazon but it had alot of amazing reviews from ppl with ADHD and the research I did online recommended them too. Will see. Oh and also day 3 again no pre workout itās probably been easy to tell Iāve been abusing that again I tried justifying it bc of the treadmill and now Iām struggling to want to jog with out it. Idk much love
Morning checkin Day45
Made it thru another craving last night. Thanks everyone for the support. Itās sooo sneaky and crazy how these cravings come up. Diff excuses to use and diff reasons, weird emotions sometimes surrounding them. Iām grateful that I am able to distinguish what are the āliesā and what isnāt. I slept well Ate a healthy breakfast, having my coffee now, getting ready for the day, LOVING this weather!! Its my favorite kind, slightly gloomy, rainy, and not that cold. Hoping everyone has a great day!
Im happy to see how many new names and the amount of people on here now and I e only been on here 4.5 months. Thatās fricken awesome!!!
Well that Ministry that I interviewed for over a months period did not hire me. (Not yet my HP says, not a NO) And then the very next morning I was asked to be a House Coordinator, an Executive Assistant AND they are paying for CCAR RAC certification , PLUS +ā¤ļø certification, AND I was offered an entire mother in law suite AND a vehicle in 6 months. Hahahah! I am BLOWN away at my HPs mercy, grace, power and love. Of course I accepted these roles and have been busy with my PT job taking service calls , training for two others jobs AND doing my own recovery plus street ministry.
These are all such amazing busy things to even be writing on here. It feels like Im boasting abit and I assure youā¦I boast only in my weakness so my HP can be at the forefront.
Itās a continual choice to turn it all over to my HP and surrender.
My ex husband called yesterday SCREAMING (I could literally hear and feel his body and voice shaking with selfish fury) because I did what is legally my right to do and claimed one of our three children on my taxes as I pay child support and itās in our divorce decree. Well he wanted to claim all three kids so he could get his new home refinanced plus get a big refund
(Mind you, this guy claimed indigent in our divorce proceeding , hid our $12k work trailer we JUST purchased and then moved to another state and bought a new home after they deemed his telling the truth ). I didnāt say a word as he spat all that to me. The audacity of people. Money, his mismanagement of it and his making it idol is my #1 problem with him. Glad I no longer have to worry about his retaliation or verbal abuse all day. Hahah! He aināt my man no more! Whewā¦
Anywaysā¦
I get to accept others where they are, including myself and my own defects today. I donāt have to stand up for myself or my own rights today. I get to choose my surroundings and my friends and how I spend my time.
Today I am part of the solution. Today I seek my HP first(wellā¦for the most part ). Today I choose recovery from substances, mind, body, soul, spirit and thought.
Love you TS fam!
Well yesterday was a total getting-things-done fail although I posted here for accountability. I went to bed at 3pm and slept through til 5amā¦ maybe my body needed the rest but seriously gotta do things around the apartment.
Couldnāt find gym clothes in the piles of clean but unfolded laundry lol, so today has to be the day. Kids coming tomorrow and in-person meeting tonight. So plan is to have some caffeine on the way home from work, then get at it.
Stepwork is another thing I have to find time for soon.
Ah, life on lifeās terms
Love Kat Have a great clean and sober day everyone!
Ate a healthy breakfast, having my coffee now, getting ready for the day, LOVING this weather!! Its my favorite kind, slightly gloomy, rainy, and not that cold. Hoping everyone has a great day!
). I didnāt say a word as he spat all that to me. The audacity of people. Money, his mismanagement of it and his making it idol is my 
). Today I choose recovery from substances, mind, body, soul, spirit and thought.
