Day 6 Yesterday I was really sad and angry bc my husband (JP) suffers from a depression. For a few years he has a winter depression but this year it has been worse than ever. So I confronted him with that and trying to tell him at the same time about my process of staying off the alcohol. And then yesterday, I couldn’t watch him or being around him. I dropped my son to a kids party and didn’t want to go home and see his apathetic appearance. I was thinking that this is the worst moment to quit drinking, cuz I needed to take care of myself and I was fed up with taking care of others. And then I remembered Annie Grace ACT where the T stands for turnaround. So I asked myself: Why is this the most perfect moment to quit? And after a while I came up with: without alcohol, hangovers, stress, anxiety etc I will be much more capable to cope with my daily life stress. I will be much better to take care of myself and therefor better capable to be there for my husband. Although he pushes me away, I know he needs me. Alcohol will make it worse because then I cannot connect with hem at all. I have hope he will get out of it and that he knows I’ll be there for him. But I won’t put effort in him to get him out of his depression and I don’t think I can do that. This insight relieved so much stress and I’m glad I could turn my thoughts around.
Good morning (or however late it is where you are) on Day 9!
Almost double digits
Making breakfast now, it’s going to be glutenfree panbread with whatever is in my fridge
I have a headache today, ugh. I fell asleep on my couch yesterday, not good if that happens when you’re over 40
Anyway, time to cook now.
See you later!
Stay strong and have a beautiful sober day team
Huge congratulations Eric 800 days…and counting… echoing others…you are a source of support, care and inspiration on this forum. Glad to know you on this sober journey🙏🏽
Hey everyone! Day 14 today! Made it two weeks today. When i started trying to get sober I would only make it about a week before I would relapse. Now I have two weeks in, the longest run I have had in this journey. It feels good to have made it this far.
I have a feeling today is going to be a test for me. I am going to see the new Batman with my buddy and I am sure he will want to stop and get food afterward and probably a drink as well. I know I will be tested and I feel strong to say no to having drinks today. Today I will not drink. Tomorrow I’ll check in on day 15!
Slightly better day today relationship wise. “What other people think of u is none of ur business” I suddenly realised that includes my husband. Feel lighter. Wonder if it will last.
Checking in. Still feeling good, feeling grounded. Some combination of things beginning in mid-January this year (probably based on work up to then too) - some combination of things is making me feel grounded and attentive in life and sobriety, in a way I haven’t ever felt before. It’s a nice feeling: it feels satisfying, fulfilled, present.
I had an addiction dream last night. First one I’ve ever had actually. It bothered me: I felt like I was watching myself go through the familiar motions, and I was powerless to stop myself even though I knew it was trouble. Then - when I woke up - I felt a wave of relief. Thank goodness. It was just a dream.
I believe dreams have meaning. They are a world of experience where we are present as people, as beings with thoughts and feelings and memories, but we are unrestricted by the two big walls that hold us in place in this world: space, and time. In dreams these are totally absent, so we can explore layers of meaning and experience (both troubling and not-troubling) that we can’t explore in our waking life.
Obviously addiction dreams stand out to us and at times they’re really distressing (which is part of why they are easy to notice and remember). But they’re just one facet of our dream world. There are so many other areas and adventures we have in dreams. Because we are in a material world of space and time rules right now, dreams are something we can never completely understand - but I’m sure they have meaning.
Thank u so much for taking the time from ur celebration evening to respond. I found this very helpful actually. I read it this morning and even tho my hubby isn’t using, I can still very much relate to it. I saved the image for future reference hope ur night was sooo good! I think it comes down to acceptance honestly. Accepting the person for where they are at in this moment. Thank u for ur message I’m off to work soon. Bright and early lol
At times I have to consciously remind myself that my wife doesn’t have to agree with me, or even understand me, for my decisions to have validity. For example, when I choose to do some errands, or whether I have the heat at 20 degrees (C) or 18 degrees, or whether I’m going to my physiotherapy appointment on Monday or Wednesday. There are times when she is utterly perplexed as to why I would choose to do X when (from her perspective) Y is a more efficient, effective way to do it.
Some things are non-negotiable in a relationship and a family. (For example, physical and emotional safety - in the sense of accountability for children’s safety, and no intent to cause pain to partner or kids, and no manipulation, etc; also, taking responsibility for one’s actions - is non-negotiable.) But when I go to physiotherapy, or how I do my errands, is really my decision. (It’s worth noting here that the vast majority of things are negotiable. The non-negotiables are usually fundamentals, the basis of all our understandings and our family expectations.)
I don’t have to understand her or agree with her (unharmful) choices, for me to honour her autonomy. She doesn’t have to understand me or agree with my unharmful choices, to honour my autonomy. And I don’t need her to agree with me or understand me, to make my choice and follow through with it.
You’re doing the right thing Fleur. Pay attention to your heart. It will guide you
Checking in
*Day27
Last night was rough. Im learning the importance of “space”. Giving myself time to calm down etc and look at things diff.
I realized that the issues surrounding my hubby is more about me and my ability to accept him for where he’s at in this moment. @Dazercat Eric’s image he posted was perfect. I know my hubby loves me but I feel like he doesn’t know how to show it. We all show love diff to some degree (there are foundational stuff to love I feel but then there’s various ways we show it also). This is a similar situation to what I had to do with my father… I had to accept that he wasn’t capable of showing the love and affection that I wanted to recieve. So again, this is coming back to expectations. But once I excepted that painful realization, I wasnt hurt or bothered by it anymore. I do love him very much and I know he loves me, but he has a diff way of showing love than I do.
Also, it would’ve been easy enough to blame him for how I felt last night, but looking at my part is allowing me to use this as a teaching tool. It would have been a wise decision to talk about my needs for affection and needing help. I dont do that. I don’t ask for anything from him when it comes to these things. I also was triggered by his lack of compassion when I was upset, due to my childhood issues with my father. So there are things that happened, that in the moment, I couldn’t see.
Anyway, I am off to work. Very dark here due to the time change and I’m pretty tired. But work is a good distraction I’m still clean and sober. I’m 3 days away (on the 15th) from 1 month!!! Omg!!! Going to be grateful today! Love u TS fam!
Thx LMC, I appreciate it. I like dreams and I find them impactful. I go through phases of sometimes remembering, sometimes not; it varies. I’ve also had déjà vu many times, in situations where I’m sure I’d never been there or done that. It’s pretty cool
I’m sure your daughter appreciates your guidance on integrating dreams into her experience, into a coherent life where she has a sense of autonomy and empowerment. I think parents have a huge impact on kids - my mother certainly did when I was young - and it helps kids to organize their experience into a (relatively) logical narrative. We’re living the story of our lives - the novel of our experience - and we want the plot to have a sense of purpose.
That is amazing! I am glad your husband left you that beautiful note! I think my husband is just trying to figure it all out right now and really comprehend that this is happening. I think he keeps thinking that this will be temporary. Yesterday was tough because we belong to a bowling league and he had way too much to drink and wanted to drive home. I was obviously completely sober (just way to gitterery from 3 diet cokes ). We ended up in an argument about it. Today will be the day that we really sit down about what will happen moving forward. I don’t care if he drinks, he won’t stop but he has recognized that he drinks too much and wants to cut back. I just want him to be more responsible when he does drink. He has already had 2 DUIs and I don’t think I can go through a 3rd with him. He obviously has an issue with admitting when he had had too much to drink. But that is my problem! Thanks for being a friend
Oh gosh that sounds totally similar to me. To be honest I’ve tried a few times to quit drinking and I always felt like my husband was trying to “sabotage” it, but honestly I think he just doesn’t want to realize that it’s such a problem and he too thought that it was just a temporary thing that I was going to try to quit for a bit. I journaled before and I saved some of my journal entries and shared them with him and was completely honest with how I felt about myself and how drinking was affecting me. It’s honestly shocking that he didn’t want to admit that either of us has a problem with what was actually going on. I just felt like I was in the Twilight zone because there were so many nights Id wake up with horrible anxiety from drinking, or I’d be so sick or we’d argue and we’d wake up in the morning and he’d pretend nothing ever happened I think he is really is in denial.
I’m not saying this will work for everyone but I will tell you that since he’s been seeing me make changes and how much more positive I’ve been and more happy with myself, our relationship has improved even though his drinking hasn’t stopped. Also ,athough he drinks every night he’s never had a DUI or suffered any serious consequences from drinking other than the fact that he has a really hard time getting up in the morning and is becoming more forgetful.
I’m not saying I this works for everyone and everyone’s situation is different and I would never want to suggest that you try to work things out if it wasn’t a healthy relationship for you. We’ve worked a long time over the years with communication and it’s been a lot of work. I sometimes wonder if we didn’t have my daughter if I would still be here. The thing is is that I see a light in our future now I just have to keep doing what I’m doing for myself. let me know how it goes . If you want to message me privately that’s okay too but what’s amazing about this app is I think we learn so much from other people’s posts I know I have and I am so grateful.
Gluten-free pan bread?! Please share! My daughter has a gluten allergy and I would love to share with her. Great job by the way!!! Many more days to celebrate to come!
Good morning everyone. My jaw just dropped when I checked my screensaver and tomorrow it’s going to be 2 weeks for me! I don’t know how I made it this far? Oh wait a minute I do… It’s all because of you guys. Seriously! (Well and a lot of hard work of course!)
I’m absolutely exhausted today because we got a new kitten who kept me up all night but she’s so sweet and she’s already become best friends with my dog which is absolutely so adorable! I’m not quite sure why I got a kitten to throw in the mix right now while I’m in the midst of recovering. Perhaps a good distraction and we have been thinking about it for a while because we lost our old girl about a year ago, but I’m going to have to be really careful that exhaustion does not become one of my triggers. I haven’t had a lot of time to read the post this morning but I want everyone to know I’m thinking about them and celebrating their accomplishments and encouraging you all through your struggles. I’m going to try to take some time later to catch up on everything but right now crazy kitten is trying to climb our speakers
& 
hope ur night was sooo good! I think it comes down to acceptance honestly. Accepting the person for where they are at in this moment. Thank u for ur message 
Thank you for all of your love and support, love you guys!!! 
