Checking In
Clean Time: 6 Days
Didn’t use and had a very busy day. Hung out with one of my friends who doesn’t use. Went out to eat and bought new clothes. I went to the recovery center in my area. I’m tired af lol. But I’m clean. 
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Aweeeesooomme 
Look at you rocking it! 
one day at a time, and every step forward is a victory 
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Good for you Paul!
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I am so proud of you for fighting the craving and not relapsing!! 
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Day 13 of no self harm.
My only support system is going to be on vacation for a week. He’s still available if need be but I’m going to use the week to try to learn how to calm myself down.
I had a doctor’s appointment today. My heart rate is really high and has been for a few months. (about 120-130 while resting). I lost a little bit of weight but I’ve only lost that via starving myself. My blood pressure is finally normal. I have to go get some labs drawn tomorrow to test if I’m anemic again since that can cause high heart rate. This is the last time I see my doctor (she’s moving)but she recommended me a new one who is also trans. As a closeted nonbinary person I feel much better about talking about my gender dysphoria to the doctor.
warning: Talk of periods and vaginas ahead
I have a had a mystery nonstop period for a year now. Birth control has not worked. I’ve been avoiding it, but I’m going to see an OBGYN and I have to get a vaginal ultrasound. Considering the years of SA I went through, I’m not looking forward to this. My doctor recommended the OB and said she was really sweet and would make sure I did okay. I’m just very nervous about it. Im supposed to get a call to schedule it in a week or two.
Sorry for long post. Just some health updates. I have therapy tomorrow and I’m going to have to confess to my relapse. So hopefully no psych ward
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Thank you so much. I thought I beat it completely, but it’s back again…ughhh. I won’t give in though. We just had a bit of a difficult situation and slightly tense conversion about a dilemma my daughter is dealing with. Hubby and I have differing opinions…oh what effort it takes to stay clam. I did though!!! and I was able to comfort my daughter. I’m emotionally exhausted ( not to mention I was already physically exhausted from lack of sleep the last two nights).
I got in the shower and all I could think about was having a drink and then I thought about this place to come and share my thoughts with all of you who support me. Oh my gosh, oh my gosh, what would I do without you 
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Wow!!! This is HUGE!!! WAY TO GO LADY!!! 
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So dope, bro.
I need to buy one just for cruising. I don’t want to piss off my neighbors late at night with all the noise lol.
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Day 119 here.
Soooooo much happened and still happening this day.
Was before The SAME JUDGE on a 2017 arrest for the fourth time (ya know bc I’m stubborn and rebellious and not the brightest crayon in the box 
) and by God’s grace alone I still am free of having a DOC #. Hallelujah
My bff had surgery on his mouth, all teeth pulled out and dentures/implants set in. I GET to be a friend , a trusted one at that, present in each moment and be there with my people in their stuff too. I’m grateful for this. However … (Funnies coming). He comes out the door to me in the waiting area, his right eye will not open right away and when it did it quickly rolled back into his head, his mouth , lips , checks were full of blood splatter and I immediately stood up and asked “why is your face not cleaned up?!?”, And he grabbed me and said muffled “let’s go let’s go!”.
My body and mind handles blood and trauma good… Or so I thought… As we’re driving down the road he’s spitting blood out of his mouth and his blood is dripping down his lips and he can’t feel a thing on his face I suddenly cannot hear in my ears I have tingling going on all throughout my body and all of a sudden everything around me is turning white hence… I am about to pass out. My mind does not bother with blood however my spirit sometimes tells my body it’s not cool and wants it to pass out. So my best friend who just had all of his teeth surgically removed and sutures and stuff all in his mouth blood dripping out of his mouth onto his lip can’t feel his face has to get out and drive the car home while I am about to pass out in the passenger seat. Hahaha!! It was the funniest shit show I’ve had for shit shows sober. Hehe!
Bringing it back to reality I am so grateful that I can be a friend to my people these days. And that if I’m feeling woozy or about to pass out it’s only because I’m innocently weak minded when it comes to blood and not for any other reason.
My roommate in my recovery home decided to skip town on us and take six pair of my jeans in the process of her skipping town. I get to be a house coordinator at another house and apparently has relapsing going on… And I am so blessed to be able to be of service today and to be clean and sober and to not be in prison and to be able to laugh about all of this stuff with you, my TS family.
I’ve gotten another call from the Ministry and will havey fourth interview for the position. I’m super honored to just be considered. It’s a long time in the running and ony heart to give back to women who are just like me.
Ive decided I wanted to stop being a self-centered asshole , too full of myself and prideful on my high horse to give two bolts about anyone… And 119 days ago when I voluntarily walked into rehab this began to change and shift away.
Grateful for this woman in me that’s emerging. I am still an asshole but much less these days. It’s getting easier to be kind, gentle , self-less and helpful.
Good night and be well my friends. I’ll take another 24
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Day 175 checking in odaat
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Gotta love a bit of plyo cardio circuit. Ski downs and mountain climbers, basketball jumps to level one drills and all the joys of what comes in between!
Let’s gooooooo!
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1011
Coffee. One late shift to go. My weekend’s on the horizon. I need to do some chores before working. Been going through some old fashioned bouts of procrastinating. Let’s go. Sober and clean.
Have as good a Tuesday as you all can friends. Make it clean and sober or nothing would come of it. Love from my bedroom where my bedroom plant shows some true resilience by simply growing a new stem when it gets insufficient light. I’ll do my best to take some better care of this warrior.
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#Day 1274 
Put myself on the list to help getting the shelter for Ukrain refugees organized. Going to fix the Ikea beds 
Hope the instructions how to are easy. When my husband and I assembling an Ikea object together it isn’t fun 
But volunteering just by myself so no argue with the hubby 
Thursday I’ll go.
Today? Walk and work and getting my groceries, in that order.
I’m having a busy week so focusing on today.
Picture from yesterday walk, cloudy weather and today even more. All is grey outside, but going anyway!
Have a great day TS friends, and if you are having a hard time push through!
Every craving will pass eventually.
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Checking in. I won’t poison myself today. Day. 4
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Hello everyone. Day 16 today. Feeling good. Continuing my busy week! Despite the work stress Istill don’t feel any urge to drink. I feel like I am finding other ways of coping with the stress other than drinking.
Have a great day everyone!
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Checking in on day 31!
I had my 30 days milestone yesterday. Feels good to sober for a whole month.
But I won’t let my guard down and I will continue to consiously work on my sobriety.
Stay strong everyone. We can do this!
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Congratulations!
Hey all, checking in on day 639. I hope everybody has a good one!
@Jonachav123 Congrats on 1 month!! That’s awesome!!
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Four months today!! Woot woot!
Ive been up for a few just getting some time in to download from God then pour out and gain wisdom from all my TS family.
I need to be sure I go home and be with juste for a bit.
I stayed with my bff last night kustaking sure he gets through the night after surgery. I’m feeling the effects of not havingy own time, my own coffee and mig, jammies, shower, food.
I’ve been doing A LOT yet I need some quiet,me, self time. Ugh…
I’m grateful to have four months.
I found a friggen AMAZING all womens meeting that I’m sure I’ll continue to attend. There was SO MUCH so riery in that room and I was fricken impressed.
It was the first time in my 25 years in and out of recovery that I honestly asked a woman to Sponsor me and meant it and next week I 0lan on asking for a phone list so I can get a few of these women to run their wisdom off on me.
Ye#sssssss!
My goals for today is go home, shower, coffee and me time.
Then back to care for my bff .
Maybe some painting too.
I’ll take another 24.
Love y’all.
Hey!!! Smile 
Perfect
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