Day 5. Now it is right, I was miscounting my days adding one to the total. I hope you all have a great day and I wish everyone all the love and all the power.
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Thanks Kevin, thatās not something my mom has ever said to me. She apologized yesterday and said itās how her mother was.I didnāt argue or even fight with her for her to say that, I was being quiet the whole time in the house. The only person I was salty towards was the girls mother through txt message and still it wasnāt even very rude or right of her to show my mom and then my mom came in showing me the message saying really mike. I said what mom Iām aloud to express my stress to Mariah, and then I told her maybe I should just give up the tattooing. And thatās when she said sure mike quit tattooing and why donāt you just go back to using while your at itā¦ My mom definitely has a lot of stress there truck just broke and few other things. But I really do understand what your saying and yeah sometimes I be rude and crabby for no reason. I definitely donāt want to use the nice weather has been a little triggering I canāt lie about that. Like I said the treadmill has helped my mood but yes sometimes I am not good at working my recovery and certainly do just sit in the selfishness. Having adhd is seriously so hard bc it really does have me wanting to constantly escape my head and feeling even when I know and donāt want to use. Idk i do have shitty behavior sometimes tho and especially lately I can see how it drags others down too
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Hey everyone! Day 19 today. Staying focused with no real urge to even think about drinking. Iām really enjoying watching the days stack up. I think itās because I am starting to feel in a better mood. It feels like my emotions are evening out and I am starting to wake up with more energy. These past few days are the first time I can remember where I actually woke up and felt hungry. I havenāt felt like that in a long time. It feels new and weird to me 
. Guess I will have to get used to it!
Iām glad I am on this journey and glad that I have this community. Have an amazing Friday everyone!
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Day 155. The day wasnāt bad yesterday had a good day with the girls. And finally got try my new machine and wow is definitely all I have to say the machine is amazing. So comfortable, constant very smooth hit. I worked on my arm with some Of my opaque greys and the ink just glided in so smooth very very impressed and arm looks a little more presentable lol. Going to hit the treadmill and acupuncture mat for a little much love
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Thanks for clarifying, Mike. From the new details that you shared, I donāt believe that your mother was serious when she said that. Sure, she did not act in the most supportive way, but the message that I got wasā¦
It would be just as foolish to quit tattooing as it would be to get back into using drugs.
I actually support that message. Youāre heading in a great direction. We all just want to see you keep growing.
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Good morning everyone.
Note to self: Be sure to close the toilet lid when you have a new kitten!
Donāt worry sheās fineā¦ Just soaking wet and surprised.
So thatās how my morning started 
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Day 11
Sun is out here. Gets me a bit nervous. Craving sticks his head up.
Have a lot of work to do, so Iāll bury myself under work and playing guitar.
Hope everyone is fine!
Lots of 
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That does make sense. Iām sure I was just in victim mode and mis interpreting what I was hearing which I do a lot.
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Hi Kat here checking in on day 226.
Went to a meeting last night and shared which was good, the JFT was about overcoming our fears.
At work today we are working short because many people called in sick this morning, hmm StPaddyās day? 
My second son (13) got an autism spectrum diagnosis yesterday. Not a huge shock, and hope it helps him find a community and understanding.
I hope you all have a great sober day!
Kat
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@anon53116147 i realize that im Bif late seeing ur post about what ur mom said, but Mikeā¦ u are not a failure. Ur an incredible human being with 2 beautiful little girls that love u and i know are so proud of u of who u are today. That wouldāve hurt to hear that ans Iām sorry that it was said to u. It sounds like ur mom has her own things to work thru honestly. Not that itās OK that it was said thoā¦ im just trying to understand. My family would sometimes say things to me out of hurt from past stuff I did etc and yaā¦ addiction effects the whole family. Hope ur day is better today my friend 
@Sanuk keep at it! Itās weird cuz our weather here also is sending if using vibes to me too. But letās just keep playing the tape to the end!
@Miranda Hope ur day is good lady any pics of the new kitten u wanna share? She sounds mischievous tho lol playing in the toilet water lol
@paigeturner sending hugs my friend. Ur share was beautiful yet I couod hear the sadness in it too. Sounds like tho uv made some huge realizations. They do say that acceptance is key. Once we accept, we stop fighting, and therefore gain a sense of peace. Itās not easy for sure. But I do feel like the journey ur on will be a beautiful one 
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Checking in
Day32
Honestly I donāt feel okay. Iām not thinking about using or anything but mentally and emotionally Iām not ok. I feel sad and lost and angry and resentful and anxious. I need to do some serious work on myself today to get me thru this.
I feel lost but I donāt know why? This is a weird feeling for me bcuz I donāt feel like this often.
Resentful at hubby bcuz he brings in more $$ into our home than I do. And when he gets paid he pays some of the larger bills like rent etc but then he goes n gets his haircut and new work clothes and whatever he wants really. I havenāt had my hair cut in years (and I wanted to get my hair cut for my 1 month clean time with a box dye jobā¦ im just waitinf on my hopeful tax refund. He was also supposed to pay for my haircut for my 37th bday this past Dec but he didnt have money and ended up not getting me a thing, no cake or card or nothingā¦ I ended up getting stuff for myself for free from this super nice lady at superstore), I havenāt gotten new clothes in years outside of bday gifts and need new pants soon, I need my eyes checked to get new contactsā¦ like I need basic stuff and here he is getting wxtra work clothes when the stuff he has is fine (except for his bootsā¦ he needs those). Like it sucks not being able to work full time and have extra money for me. Every dime I have goes to bills n bus fare n food. Iām just sitting in this pity party right now and I see it as Iām typing this. I need to really connect to God today. I just feel alone and lost and sad n anxious n mad n unsettled.
I feel like Iām not where I want to be. The negative self talk is creeping in about how I look and how Iāve gained weight now. Im just straight up miserable today haha ughā¦ Gotta stay focused today for sure on my recovery. Much love
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Charlie and Lolaā¦(the cat ,Lola, looks a lot bigger in the pictures but keep in mind my dog is only about 17 lbs!)
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Sheās adorable And so is ur puppy!!! Awe. Just precious!
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Iām sorry youāre having a tough day.
You deserve to get a haircut and your eyes checked and a new pair of pants too!!! Just because your husbandās makes more, I donāt think he should get whatever he wants 
And try not to worry too much about the weight gain. Believe me, i know itās hard, but with your history of working out and stuff it will be easier to get back to where you want to be. Plus when
Weāre in a kind of negative mindset we always feel worse about our bodies right? Try to let that go for now and love yourself. Look in the mirror and tell yourself youāre beautiful and focus on what you love about yourself right now. Right now youāre clean and sober and amazing. I really hope you can reward yourself with a special gift like a haircut or something because you deserve it.
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I dislike this feeling very much and have been dealing with it for a few weeks myself now. I cannot quite figure out why Iām feeling this way. Iām still dialoguing with my HP. My financials are straight for the first time in a longgg time. I havenāt had cravings. It just dosent make sense to me. And itās ironic Iām in the same boat financially. I am retired military that is disabled. I receive my pension but thatās not a whole lot. We split all bills but that leaves me with very very little. But Iāve been trying to maintain my focus on my positives and just keep trying to make myself and those around me better. If you figure something out please share!
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Day 644 clean and sober today. I hope everyone has a wonderful day, love you guys!!! 
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Day 26 AF 
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I hear ya Dana.
Good job dumping those feeling here. I struggle with my feelings too. Not urges to pic up. But just these dang feelings we feel get to feel now. Itās good for me when I dump them off here or on the gratitude thread. See what happens.
32 ODAAT 
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Checking in on sobriety day 314. Great workout this morning. Getting a tetanus vaccine booster right now because the Army wonāt let me retire without it. They canāt make it easy huh? Lol. Finishing up final gear cleaning this afternoon to turn it in next week. Allstars softball practice with my fierce ass daughter this evening. Have a great day everyone. Itās a great day to be above ground and sober.
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Checking in
Day32
Thank u @Miranda @HillbillyChris @Dazercat for the comments
Sometimes my feelings just hit me out of nowhere and I know that I need to tend to them (not necessarily āfixā them bcuz there is nothing wrong with feeling the way I do. Every emotion is valid I feel to an extent), but I know all to well that if I feed onto them and they build up and get stronger, my chance of relpase is higher. Soā¦ I had a warm shower and I went on my Glorify app and prayed and was just honest with God about my feelings. When I pray, I never pray as if it should be perfect or thinking I need to be happy and upbeat all the time. I talk to God as if he is sitting across from me and we are chatting as friends. And Iām very honest when I pray. I also give thanks and pray for others too. And I am feeling better! That loneliness has gone away, I donāt feel as sad or āoffā or resentful at hubby anymore. I realized (and I very well could be wrong) but the feeling of loneliness and anger and sadness I has today is maybe my addiction playing tricks on me. Trying to set the stage for a relapse. I just thot of that. Idk maybe that could be it. Anyway, thanks for the support everyone. Chris, I really hope this passes for u too my friend hugs
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